


Life and the Hedonic Treadmill

by SleepySheep683



Category: One Piece
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Drink Spiking, EdgeLord Edition, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Mildly Dubious Consent, Multi, One Piece Spoilers - Dressrosa, Rough Sex, Sex, Swearing, There Isn't A Tag For Underage Handjobs, Underage Drinking, coffee shop AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-29 13:42:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 62,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17204429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleepySheep683/pseuds/SleepySheep683
Summary: Zoro hides from his past in a coffee shop. He hasn’t counted on meeting Luffy and his crazy friends. How long can he avoid facing up to reality?





	1. 1st July

**Author's Note:**

> Please hover over for translations and other text that might need extra explanation. I'll be sure to add any extra trigger warnings here per chapter, so as to avoid spoilers.
> 
> Chapters will be added weekly, for added drama.

1st July  
Mood: Calm  
Number of Kuina dreams: 2  
Number of murderous thoughts: 4

Just to be clear, I don’t want to be writing this. Koshiro said that if I was going to leave, I should keep a journal to ‘process my feelings’ or some such bullshit. He’s wise, so I’ll do it. 

Doesn’t mean I have to like it. Besides, if I do fill all these pages up, I’ll have written more books than I’ve finished reading. Doubt it’ll trouble that Harry Potter woman or anything.

Things have progressed quickly since I arrived here. I’ve already found a job and today, I found a room in a shared apartment. The job is as a barista. This is good because a) it’s a normal job that lots of interlopers here seem to take and b) it will give me free time to train. Koshiro said it was about time I picked that up again, and I’ve left it too long. I didn’t realise I’d start to miss it so intensely. Of all the things I still ache for after so long, it’s the only one I can get back.

The city is sprawling; the streets seem to move on their own accord. Yesterday, I tried to get back to my hostel, but ended up near the docks. Spent three hours attempting to retrace my steps. On the plus side, I did find a nice ramen place. On the minus side, I also found an old man that offered me fifty bucks to piss on him. If this city and its stupid winding streets keep tricking me and I can’t get to work, I might have to take him up on it.

The job is… well, it’s a job. There’s a machine that makes coffee, and I put the right things in the machine to make the coffee come out. Nothing to it, really. The hard part is that people come up to you and ask you to make them highly specific types of coffee, and you have to say, ‘certainly, sir’ and ‘can I take your name’ and then write it on a receipt and not yell at them that there’s a goddamn menu so why are you asking if I can make it with soy, or caramel, or rainbow sprinkles or whatever crap they come up with off the top of their heads.

Luffy says it looks like fun. But Luffy is crazy.

Luffy is my new roommate. I met him when he ordered a latte, and I immediately liked him a little because that was on the menu and he didn’t qualify his request with half a dozen items that weren’t listed. I liked him less when he wouldn’t stop talking to me while waiting for his order.

‘You’re new. When did you start?’

‘Last week.’

‘Cool! Where did you come from? Where are you staying? How old are you? Do you have any pets? Do you like meat? Can I get a spoon for the sugar? What’s your name?’

‘Out of town, a hostel, twenty-one, no, yes, they’re on the counter, Zoro - it’s on my nametag.’

‘Hi Zoro - I’m Luffy. I like your hair - do you dye it, or is it just that colour naturally?’

‘What do you think?’

He laughed at this, a surprisingly childlike giggle that made him appear both infuriating and charming all at once. I stopped wanting to punch him and figured I could talk to him; there weren’t many customers, and Koshiro kept telling me I should try to connect with other people.

‘So, how old are you?’ I don’t know why I led with that. I was trying to keep a conversation going, not ask him his dating profile.

‘Nineteen. College has finished for summer, I’ve got two more years to go. Then, I’m going to go travelling and see the world! I met this guy when I was eight - he was so cool! He was an explorer, and I want to be just like him! I got this scar here because I wanted to show him how tough I was!’ He pointed proudly to a deep scar just below his left eye. ‘He’s been gone for years, but he let me use his apartment when the last tenants moved out.’ He bounced on his seat, as though so much sitting still chafed him.

‘Your coffee.’ I put the cup on the counter, and watched him carefully level a teaspoon of sugar from the sugar jar, empty the remaining contents of the sugar jar into his coffee, tip the level teaspoon back into the jar, and then start stirring the contents of the cup with his finger.

‘When do you finish work?’ he asked.

‘Half an hour?’ The clock had moved surprisingly quickly in the last hour.

‘Okay, I’ll wait for you.’

‘Huh?’

‘Well, you’ll need me to show you where the apartment is. Plus, you might want some help; how much stuff do you have?’

‘What are you on about?’

‘At the hostel, silly!’

‘I’ve got a gym bag.’ And the swords, of course, but I’ve found it’s usually best to wait a while before mentioning those. People think you’re a LARPer or a psychopath. ‘Wait, why?’

Luffy jumped down from his chair, coffee in hand. ‘Because you’re moving in with me.’

‘Hold on, I never-’

‘It’s a two bedroom apartment. I took the bigger room, but I don’t mind if you want it instead; they’re both pretty nice. There’s a sweet TV in the living room, and I got a Playstation hooked up.’

I suppose I didn’t exactly find a place to live; I had a place to live thrust upon me.

* * *

I took the empty room. It was suitable for my needs. There was a bed, drawers and a small wardrobe. More importantly, there was space under the bed to stash my swords. My plan was to keep them hidden, but Luffy had wandered in unannounced and leapt upon them in glee before I had chance.

‘Ooh! They’re so cool! Why do you have three?’ He grabbed Wado Ichimonji in delight, and every part of me wanted to beat him into the ground.

‘This one’s awesome!’ 

_Don’t you dare, don’t you dare, don’t you dare…._

‘Where did you get it?’ He looked at me, and his face fell. Guilt welled up in me as he gently sheathed Wado Ichimonji and laid it carefully down.

‘Sorry. It’s… It’s important to you, right?’

I couldn’t speak; the words caught in my throat, and I could hardly breathe. I managed to nod.

He beamed. ‘Do you want a cup of tea? I got some good stuff from the Galipettes. Sanji hooked me up.’

‘The where?’

‘Galipettes; it’s only, like, the best restaurant in the world! Well, the best one here. But probably the world. Sanji’s an amazing cook! There’s actually two; his dad runs the Baratie, but Galipettes is a baby one that Sanji started two years ago.’ He frowned for a moment. ‘Oh, it’s not baby, is it? Sister! It’s the sister restaurant! Anyway, it’s really popular. It has the reliable quality of the Baratie, but more modern and experimental; that’s what the papers said. They do a student night on Wednesdays, and it’s really good.’ He jabbed his finger up at the ceiling. ‘He lives in the apartment upstairs. He’s nice; I got sick last year and he made me soup for a week. I’ll tell him you’re living here now; I’m sure he’ll cook a welcome meal for us.’

‘You didn’t want him to move in?’

‘Oh, I asked. He wasn’t interested. Likes his own space, he said.’ Luffy frowned suddenly, as though deep in thought. ‘I think he has some roommates, actually.’ 

‘You think?’

‘I’ve not met them. I’ve seen a few girls go in and out of there before; they’re kind of noisy. And Sanji’s weirdly clumsy at home. I keep hearing furniture scraping and banging across the floor; which is strange, because I’ve watched him in the kitchen and he’s a machine. Anyway, hope they don’t keep you awake. Doesn’t bother me, but I slept through the last earthquake.’

I keep myself awake. Some chattering girls weren’t going to make much difference.

Luffy’s not bad company; he talks a lot, which stops me from thinking too much. Plus, I found out I’m pretty good at Gran Turismo. When I went to bed, I found a case with a padlock on my bed, which was just the right size for my swords. He hadn’t said a word to me about it; he just seemed to know. I set up the shrine as well; I didn’t feel comfortable doing that with Luffy hovering around. I’ve been lighting incense for months, and I don’t think it’s helping either of us.

Oh yes, I’m supposed to write about the dreams. As I was woken up again by them, I guess this is as good a time as any.

I’ve had the same dream about Kuina every night this week. It’s a bit fuzzy, and the details change a little each time, but the fundamentals don’t. 

_We’re sparring, just two little kids playing with swords, but it doesn’t feel like a game. The sun’s beating down on us; I can feel it burning a hole in my back. She moves before I can even see it; she always did. I feel every blow acutely; my knee, my stomach, my chest.  
She laughs every time I wince in pain; the sweat trickles down her face and makes her hair stick to her skin._

_‘You’re going to have to do better than that to beat me!’_

_‘I will!’_

_So we continue, the heat and the pain melding inside me until I feel rage; white hot rage threatening to consume me. She laughs again and it burns harder._

_‘Try harder, Zoro.’_

_‘I’m trying as hard as I can!’ I grunt, between attacks. I’m getting sloppy; my sword doesn’t even connect._

_She swings fast, under me and through me. Her sword presses against my chest; I breathe in deep and the blade sinks into my skin. A hair's breadth away from cutting the flesh._

_She’s close, much too close. I can feel the warmth of her breath. Her eyes light up._

_‘It’s because I’m a woman, isn’t it?’_

_‘No!’ It stings me, this particular taunt. ‘And you’re not a woman.’_

_‘You can’t deny my sex,’ she whispered, and suddenly we’re older, puberty marking our bodies. She’s shrunk - or I’ve grown - and everything about her looks a little softer, except for her eyes._

_Her eyes are as steely as ever._

_‘You’re going to have to kill me, Roronoa Zoro.’_

_And I do._

_No hesitation._

_I’m baptised in her blood. My name lingers on her lips in a gentle breath, and it brings me to my knees. I scream her name until the blood ringing in my ears drowns out the blood on my hands._

_Then I awake._

Rather embarrassingly, it turns out I’m not just screaming in my dream. I didn’t realise until Luffy burst into my room.

‘Zoro! Are you okay? What happened?’

So much for sleeping through an earthquake. I guess it explains why the other people in my dorm room at the hostel kept giving me a wide berth.

‘I’m fine… Bad dream, I guess.’ My sheets were soaked with sweat.

Luffy stared at me a little awkwardly. ‘Anything I can do to help?’

‘No, I… I’ll be fine.’

‘Okay, if you say so.’ He smiled again, that weirdly cheerful smile that suggested everything really would be fine. What surprised me was that I felt comforted. He made me believe that, just for a second. He seemed so intuitive in that moment, as though he just somehow understood how everyone ticked.

Then I experienced the ‘noisy roommates’, and I realised he was an idiot. The thumping above my head was far too rhythmic to be malcoordination.

_‘Oh, Sanji!’_

' _Oh Bonney, tu me rends folle!_ '

Oh, for fucks’ sake.

‘Told you. It’s like that most nights.’ Luffy yawned. ‘I’m going back to bed. ‘Night.’

And with that, he left, seemingly unconcerned with the midnight fuckfest that was going on above his head.

All I can say is, he’d better be a damn good cook.


	2. 2nd July

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoro is disgusted by his dreams, enraged by Luffy's upstairs neighbour, and infuriated by all his customers. Just your standard day at work in the service industry...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning - the dream is probably a lot more than 'Mildly Dubious Consent'.

2nd July  
Mood: Sad  
Number of Kuina dreams: 2, but the last one was so traumatising it might as well have been 10.  
Number of murderous thoughts: 7

I have never met Sanji, but I hate him.

I dreamt about Kuina again, but this time was different. Oh, God how it was different. I’m convinced it was all the noise Sanji and his ‘roommate’ were making last night; it seeped into my subconscious and tainted everything. I’m ashamed to write this, but apparently it will help. Really, Koshiro? You think reliving this will help?

_Just as before, we spar in the searing heat. She’s close, much too close. I can feel the warmth of her breath. Her eyes light up._

_‘It’s because I’m a woman, isn’t it?’_

_‘No!’ It stings me, this particular taunt. ‘And you’re not a woman.’_

_‘You can’t deny my sex,’ she whispered, and we’re older, puberty marking our bodies. She’s shrunk - or I’ve grown - and everything about her looks a little softer, except for her eyes._

_Her eyes are slaked with lust, and I feel it deep in the pit of my stomach._

_‘You’re going to have to take me, Roronoa Zoro.’_

_And I do._

_No hesitation._

_She fights back, but I’m stronger. She tears out clumps of my hair and strips of my clothes, but I pin her down, expose her. I feel rage and something queasy deep in my stomach as I push her legs apart._

_Then there’s blood in my ears and on my hands, she’s moaning my name and I’m crying; tears fall from my eyes and mingle with hers._

_‘Why, Zoro?’ she whispers._

_‘I… I don’t know.’_

_We move as one; I don’t know where she ends and I begin. Her skin is warm; I taste the salt of her sweat, see the fear in her expression and the unmistakable heat between her thighs._

_And it’s blissful._

_‘You’re killing me.’_

_‘Then die.’_

_She cries out in ways that touch my very soul._

When I woke, my sheets were wet in the most humiliating way. That in itself make me feel sick, and I spent the first morning in my new place vomiting my guts up in the bathroom while dealing with the guiltiest erection I’ve ever had in my life.

That fucker had better be Michelin starred.

* * *

I had an early shift today; Luffy was still snoring as I left. I poked my head around the door to see him sprawled out on his bed, head and limbs dangling off the edges as though he had been dreaming of a life as a starfish. I envied him his sleep of the innocent.

There was a new girl at the coffee shop today; Paula told me to show her the ropes, which I found hilarious. Eight days makes you an expert, apparently.

‘Coffee goes in here, press these buttons, coffee comes out there.’ I dusted my hands together. ‘Well, that’s orientation.’ 

‘Excuse me?’ He voice was so soft I barely heard her above the hum of the coffee machine. ‘What about milk?’

‘Oh; milk goes in here, press these buttons, hot milk comes out there. Some people want soy, or almond, or other weird shit. That’s in the fridge.’

‘What about all these syrups?’

‘There’s a menu, but they don’t care and will ask you for stuff. Just do it; it's quicker than arguing with them about how menus work.’

She looked a little crestfallen at this. ‘But… Don’t you want to make them happy? They’ve all got to go to work, and some of them probably have jobs they don’t really like. This is their first pick-me-up of the day.’ She smiled kindly and her face was the picture of benevolence; the sun caught her blonde hair making it look like spun gold, and fucking blue jays were probably about to fly through the window and land on her fingers. 

What the fuck was wrong with this woman?

She looked a little frightened, and I assumed my expression had betrayed me. You know how some people have ‘resting bitch face’? I have ‘resting psycho face’ and when I’m genuinely thinking someone is clinically insane, it’s probably magnified.

‘Umm, sorry. I guess I don’t really care.’ I honestly didn’t know what else to say. I felt bad for my apathy about making coffee. I felt bad for crushing her gentle nature. ‘I’m Zoro,’ I offered, not really thinking it would help.

‘Oh, I’m Kaya.’ She had a warmth about her that was both infectious and nauseating. ‘Nice to meet you.’

We stood awkwardly, looking at each other. I think I was supposed to say something. Instead, I found the washcloth endlessly fascinating.

‘Should… Should I wipe down the surfaces?’ she asked, clearly eager for something to do.

‘Sure.’

Kaya busied herself with cleaning surfaces that already looked pretty clean to me, while I put more beans in the coffee machine.

‘Do you need to put a special blend in there at all? How do you mix it up?’

I shrugged. ‘I just put coffee beans in. Nobody has complained.’

The morning rush is the worst. People asking for stupid shit constantly. No, I don’t know what the blend is. No, we don’t serve it deconstructed. No, I don’t ‘even know how to make a Vietnamese coffee’, and it sounds disgusting.

Kaya was amazing to watch. She genuinely cared how these people got their coffee; she smiled without unnerving them, she rushed around tables and batched up orders. I couldn’t understand how she could care so much?

‘You’re keen,’ I said offhandedly. ‘Looking to make it in the barista world?’

‘Oh, not really,’ she replied, between asking a customer if they wanted their soy milk heated and mopping up a coffee cup ring from the counter. ‘I’m studying to be a doctor. This just helps me make some money during school break.’

I’d feel safe if she was my doctor. Damn, she probably generates her own morphine, she’s so cheerful.

‘What about you?’ she asked, and I wished I hadn’t started the conversation.

‘Just… getting back into things.’

‘Oh, how so?’

The rush had died down, so there was no way for me to pretend I hadn’t heard. I wasn’t ready for this just yet. It’s still too raw. 

I don’t know if it’ll ever stop being too raw.

Fortunately, a distraction arrived in the way of Luffy and another guy that looked around his age. He stood proudly and carried an air of arrogance about him, but it reeked of bluster. I wondered if I’d get the chance to test him.

‘Hey Zoro! Can you get us free coffee?’

‘Oi, I’ve only been here a week!’

He shrugged, and ordered anyway. Kaya had rushed off to collect cups from the empty tables, so I had to take care of it. I hoped he would pay; I really didn’t want the hassle of having to make him. That was yet another conversation I wasn’t ready to have, and I didn’t want to lose my room after less than 48 hours.

‘Usopp! Zoro has swords and they’re really cool! Don’t you, Zoro?’

God damn it.

Usopp surveyed me with interest. ‘Ah, swords, huh? Yeah… I’ve had some experiences with swords in my time. Was a champion fencer in my town, but I don’t like to brag…’

‘Really, Usopp? Awesome!’

I looked at Usopp’s stance and physique - I’d have bet fifty bucks he’d never held a fencing sword, much less won a competition. I stared him out, and noticed he started to sweat.

He suddenly broke into a genuine smile when Kaya returned.

‘Oh, hey! Congratulations on your first exams - I heard you were top of the class!’

She blushed a little. ‘Not quite top; Tony beat me, of course. There’s a reason he skipped two years.’ She looked surprisingly flustered. ‘How’s, umm… How’s things with Nami?’

Usopp chuckled. ‘Oh, that… I had to end it. She was upset, but I let her down gently.’

Luffy burst out laughing. ‘What? Nami dumped you!’

‘Hey! She was pissed off because I didn’t give her a neck rub before class - that’s crazy! She’s so demanding!’

Kaya smiled at this. ‘I guess it just wasn’t meant to be?’

Usopp leant on the counter close to her and looked down with a smile. ‘I just can’t be tied down, Kaya.’ He looked at me. ‘Women, eh?’

All I could think of was Kuina. Lying in the grass, grasping the blades, gritting her teeth. The suppressed rage in her voice bubbling to the surface. The blood soaked panties.

_‘No. It’s not happening. It. Is. Not. Happening.’_

She couldn’t will it away. 

‘So what’s it about, Usopp?’ Kaya was gazing at Usopp, and I have no idea how long I zoned out of the conversation for.

‘Well, it’s a pretty intriguing story. I’m still on the first draft, but I’d be happy to read it to you when I’m satisfied with the first chapters.’

‘Oh, I’d love to hear it!’ 

Kaya’s interest in that long nosed liar couldn’t have been more obvious. I’d noticed, so it must have been pretty blatant.

The rest of the shift passed with little incident. I met one of Sanji’s ‘roommates’ - a swaggering, pink haired woman who ordered a cappuccino and three large baguette sandwiches under the name of Bonney, which gave it away. I thought she was getting lunch for her work mates, until she sat down and wolfed them down one after the other.

‘Oi, I had a long night,’ she snapped at me mid-bite when I stared at her attacking the third baguette.

I know just how long and how hard your night was, thanks - you were vocal enough about it.

There was this other guy that showed up just before closing and ordered an espresso. Well dressed to the point of being suspicious, he sniffed at the coffee and said, ‘You know, an espresso ought to be a blend. Have you considered adding some Arabica?’ He even smiled as he said it.

‘I’ll take it under advisement.’ Prick. 

At first I thought he was older, but up close I realised we were probably a similar age. He just dressed older. He sat and read the newspaper with a frown, and absently fiddled with a packet of cigarettes that I really hoped he would try and smoke. I wanted an excuse to fight him - I know that goes against all my training, but there should be an exception in the codes for guys like him.

He’d finished his coffee just as Kaya returned from her break, and somehow he managed to escalate from prick to raging asshole. She tried to take his empty coffee cup, and instead of just letting her like a normal person, he stood up and kissed her hand.

‘My, what a radiant beauty! The sight of you has perked me up far more than any coffee could! What’s your name?’

For fuck’s sake. ‘It’s on her name tag,’ I snapped.

‘It’s rude to use a woman’s name without her introduction!’ he snapped back, before going back to fawning over Kaya like an overeager puppy.

As he left, I found myself wondering whether my knife aiming skills were still up to scratch.

‘What a jerk.’ I modified my language - I have some class around women.

It took Kaya at least two minutes to peel her glassy-eyed gaze from the door.

‘Huh? Sorry, I wasn’t listening.’ Her cheeks had turned quite pink.

Kuina wouldn’t have done that. Kuina would have agreed with me, and we could have devised ways of pranking him next time he showed up. Flour on his impeccable suit, that sort of thing.

I guess all I really have to say today is that I miss her.


	3. 8th July

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On a trip to Luffy's favourite restaurant, Zoro finally meets his coffee shop nemesis. When he meets a girl that turns his head, will his struggles with his past threaten to ruin everything?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hover over for any translations.

8th July  
Mood: Agitated  
Number of Kuina dreams: 4 today, 1-3 the rest of the week.  
Number of murderous thoughts: 3 today, 7 the rest of the week,  
Number of murderous thoughts about Sanji: 18.

So, I’ve met Sanji. Turns out I’d met him last week - he was the prick in the good suit with a hard-on for Kaya. I only realised when Luffy dragged me to Galipettes this evening for their student night. I’d signed up to a dojo and am now training again after work, so I suppose I technically count as a student again.

Koshiro be damned, it felt good to get back into training. I can’t explain it, but the world just seems to make sense when I’m facing it with a sword. Maybe I’ll even go back into competitions again? No; it’s too raw. I can’t do it yet. 

I still haven’t used Wado Ichimonji. I can’t bear to look at it. But I did make a promise.

I’ve taken to doing all my exercising at the dojo as well; gyms around here are too expensive, and when I try at home, Luffy wants to join in. He gets excited, tries to make a game of beating my records, then gets bored and attempts to have full-blown conversations with me when I’m trying to count my reps. To be fair, I was surprised he could keep up with me. He’s a small, skinny runt, but the kid’s got impressive stamina.

Anyway, Galipettes. Luffy and a group of his college friends met me and Kaya after work; I was already in a bit of a bad mood due to our last customer. He was the pickiest bastard I had ever come across, and I swear if it wasn’t for allergy guidelines, he’d starve.

Latte with one half almond milk and one half coconut milk, because he didn’t like soy, but too much almond or too much coconut was also unpleasant. Arabica beans only, because the others were too bitter. Did we have agave syrup? White sugar is bleached, but brown sugar is too harsh tasting. Fuck him. Fuck him and his stupid hat.

Even Kaya had laughed when I accidentally said that out loud.

I don’t know much about restaurants, so I can’t really comment on the decor. Some people were dressed up, and some were slumming it in jeans and t-shirts; there didn’t seem to be a dress-code. It was busy, and we had a table of six people. Luffy, Usopp and Kaya I recognised. Then there were two girls who I didn’t know at all; a loud redhead and a quieter girl with long blue hair. I started to get concerned that this was some sort of date night, until they all started talking about exam results and coursework they had to do before the start of the next term.

‘Nami, Vivi; this is Zoro. He’s my new roommate; he has swords and they’re totally badass!’

Usopp looked at me. ‘Is this how Luffy always introduces you?’

‘Seems like it.’

‘What is it with boys and swords?’ Nami huffed. ‘Are they worth anything? I hear some can fetch a really good price at the right auctions.’

‘I’m not looking to sell.’

‘Pity; I do a bit of valuing on the side. Mostly jewelry, though. The amount of stuffy old men who’ve thought they could rinse me.’ She laughed heartily at this, and I couldn’t decide if I admired her or disapproved of her.

‘What do you study?’ I had learned this bit of small talk ready for tonight, and it worked. Turned out Nami was studying physics, Vivi was studying politics. Usopp was doing something in engineering, though I wasn’t sure I believed anything he said. Luffy was doing some sort of psychology course. The thought of lying on a couch with him holding the clipboard was terrifying to me. It had been bad enough when Koshiro sent me to that woman.

‘What do you study, Mr Bushido?’ Vivi asked me shyly as she tucked a lock of her blue hair behind her ear. I wasn’t certain if she was making fun of me, trying to be cute, or straight up flirting with me. I refrained from saying ‘the art of getting through each day’ and instead told her the surface truth.

‘I’m not at school. I’m working at the coffee shop nearby.’

‘But you’re doing all that sword work at the dojo; I’ve seen you.’ Luffy once again proving himself the master of discretion. ‘He’s amazing, I saw him sparring and he didn’t seem to be trying against some of those guys who’ve been doing it for decades! You should totally enter some competitions!’

‘Yeah.’ I didn’t want to go into this. I didn’t want to think about competitions right now. I didn’t want to think about Kuina.

Maybe Luffy picked up on this, maybe he just got caught in another flight of fancy, because he grabbed my arm and said, ‘Ooh, you can come and meet Sanji! He’ll be in the kitchen, but I’m sure he won’t mind.’

I’ve known Luffy less than two weeks, but him uttering the words ‘I’m sure they won’t mind,’ makes me wary.

We reached the kitchen, and it sounded like a warzone. Three chefs were running around frantically; one was chopping something deftly while shouting into a phone nestled in the crook of his neck.

‘Did you have to get the ‘flu today, of all days? Bastard… No, don’t try and come in! _Baise-moi_ \- do you think I want an infection on my hands! Stay home, rest. Drink plenty of fluids... Yeah, yeah - _suce-moi la bite…_ Now’s really not a good time, Luffy. We’re a man down on front of house.’ He hadn’t even looked up at us.

‘I can help, Sanji! Why don’t I wait some tables for you?’

Sanji looked horrified as he faced us. ‘Thanks, Luffy, but I’d quite like this restaurant to last beyond today.’

At that moment, I realised I’d met him. He was that prick at the coffee shop I’d met the other week. I didn’t recognise him in his chef’s uniform.

‘This is what you get for having thirteen in the address,’ one of the chefs complained, a shaven headed guy who looked like he might kill you if you sent your order back.

‘Hey, this was a good location, and if anything, it’s been our lucky number,’ Sanji countered. ‘I’m just going to have to go out there myself.’ He shuddered, and I got the impression he was as much of a fan of customers as I was.

‘Hey, you can wait our table! Then we can chat! We’ve got girls with us.’ 

Sanji laughed; it was surprisingly high pitched compared to his speaking voice. He raised an eyebrow, and it was then I noticed they spiralled. Did he shave them like that? Probably did; he seemed the type.

‘How old?’

‘Eighteen, nineteen.’

‘Hot?’

‘I think so. Zoro, are they hot?’

‘How should I know?’ I hated thinking about things like that.

_‘It’s because I’m a woman, isn’t it?’_

Sanji grinned. ‘Tonight’s looking up. Sure, but I’m only there for the ladies.’

Kuina would have destroyed him.

* * *

Sure enough, he came out to take our orders, his chef’s attire discarded. I was relieved of the break; the conversation had flitted between Nami and Vivi wanting me to flex for them, and the whole group of them gossiping about two of their teachers that they’d spotted sitting together in a secluded corner of the restaurant.

‘I don’t even know if that’s Franky.’

‘It’s definitely Franky. And that is definitely Miss Nico.’

‘Well, they could be here for any number of reasons.’

‘What, just the two of them, with candles?’

‘They might just be friends.’

‘Might just be hungry.’

‘Might really be into candles.’

‘Hey, is that Sanji?’

‘Oh my God, he’s shameless!’

‘She doesn’t seem to mind.’

‘You don’t just hit on another guy’s woman! That’s… that’s violating the guy code!’

‘Does he mind? Then we’d know for certain.’

‘Can’t tell.’

‘Franky’s huge, I’m not sure I’d risk it.’

By the time he came over to our table, Luffy was practically jumping up and down in his seat.

‘My apologies for the delay, we are a little short staffed this evening. My name is Sanji, do you need any help with the menu?’

‘Meat!’ Luffy announced excitedly. 

Sanji sighed heavily. ‘Yes, we have lots of meat, Luffy.’

‘Hey, you know that woman’s, like, really old,’ Usopp blurted out. ‘She’s thirty!’

Sanji merely raised an eyebrow at him. ‘A mature wine has the most exquisite flavour.’

‘And a young wine?’ Nami challenged him, a fierce look in her eyes.

Sanji wasted no time, and took her hand in his.

‘Have you ever eaten sun ripened strawberries fresh in season? There’s always perfection, whatever the year. Speaking of perfection… what’s your name?’

‘Seriously?’ Usopp was just about keeping his voice inaudible to Sanji’s side of the table, but barely.

‘Nami, and you’re clearly a man of good taste.’ She let him kiss her hand.

‘I’m simply honoured to be in the company of such beautiful women this evening.’ His smile was dazzling; he was clearly practised in working a table. More specifically, a table of women. Kuina would have been fake vomiting about now.

‘Perhaps you can recommend some dishes for us? Everything sounds so good.’

I didn’t know what Nami did to her voice when she spoke those last four words, but it touched a part of me I was wholly uncomfortable with. Sanji seemed entirely comfortable with it, and proceeded to talk intently with Nami, Vivi and Kaya over the particulars of the menu in a way that made every item sound vaguely sexual.

Luffy simply shrugged. ‘You pick for us, Sanji - I trust you.’

Usopp looked horrified. ‘Luffy, shouldn’t we do something?’ He jerked his head towards Sanji and the three giggling girls.

‘Huh? They’re fine. We’ll get a cheaper bill this way.’

‘What?’

‘Sanji always gives girls freebies.’

Usopp’s eyes narrowed. ‘Wait, is this why you asked them along?’

‘No, but it doesn’t hurt.’

‘I like your thinking, Luffy.’

Once Sanji had finished perving over all the girls in our group, he left with the order and headed towards the kitchen. I was expecting Nami, Vivi and Kaya to be horrified by what had just happened, but instead they were still giggling.

‘Luffy, you should have brought us here before. That waiter is so cute!’

‘Huh? Oh, he’s not a waiter - that’s Sanji. He’s head chef or something? I don’t know - it’s his restaurant, so I guess he’s whatever he wants to be.’

Nami suddenly sat bolt upright. ‘He’s… He owns it?’

‘Yeah.’

‘So… he’s rich?’

‘Maybe, I’ve never asked.’

I swear I saw dollar signs in Nami’s eyes. Vivi and Kaya were laughing, mostly at Nami.

All I could think of was Kuina, and it hurt more than ever. This girl was the anti-Kuina, and it made my heart ache.

Soon enough, Sanji had returned with a bottle of wine.

‘Hey, aren’t we going to get in trouble?’ Usopp whispered.

‘Nah, Zoro’s twenty-one,” Luffy said, as though that explained everything.

‘You asked me for a wine recommendation, Nami? For the flavours of these dishes, I’d suggest this favourite of mine. Full bodied, sharp, with a hint of sweetness.’ He didn’t take his eyes off Nami as he poured a tiny amount into a glass. She tasted it, nodded, and he poured each of our glasses one-third full.

‘Full bodied, sharp, with a hint of sweetness?’ Usopp stared incredulously at Sanji.

‘And wet,’ Nami commented to Vivi and Kaya, as she crossed her legs.

‘Sounds perfect,’ Sanji replied, before leaving the bottle on our table and heading back to the kitchen.

Nami has turned bright red, her eyes wide in horror.

‘I didn’t realise he could hear me!’ she whispered, mortified.

Usopp snorted. ‘Well, he didn’t seem to mind.’

I caught a glimpse of Sanji before he slipped out of the dining area; he had turned very pink and had a grin that threatened to engulf his whole face. Idiot. He was prey to a girl like Nami.

* * *

When the food arrived, I had to admit it was amazing. I honestly don’t think I’ve eaten anything so good in my entire life; I even momentarily forgave Sanji for the five nights of broken sleep and unwanted dreams I’ve had while living underneath his apartment. The table actually fell silent for a while as everyone simply savoured the meal.

‘Luffy, I have a serious question,’ Nami said, between mouthfuls.

‘Yeah?’

‘Is he single?’ Nami appeared to be doing calculations on the back of a napkin based on the cost of a meal and the number of people in the restaurant.

‘Hey! I saw him first!’ 

‘When?’

‘At the coffee shop. I thought he was dreamy before it was cool.’ Kaya joked. ‘So, what do we do? We can’t both hypothetically date him, I think that’s cheating.’

‘Pillow fight in our underwear to decide who gets to keep him?’ Nami deadpanned.

‘Nami!’ Vivi looked shocked, though she was laughing.

‘Hey, we can charge entry - we’d make a fortune!’

‘I’d pay,’ Usopp said with no shame whatsoever, and I noticed Kaya turn bright red and stare at her plate.

Luffy started laughing. ‘Hey, I want to join in! Do I need to bring my own pillow?’

‘Idiot! It’s girls only, you’d ruin our revenue stream!’

‘Oh.’ Luffy appeared crestfallen.

‘Have you tried the salmon, Mr Bushido?’ Vivi touched my arm gently.

‘No,’ I replied, half distracted by everything going on around me, and also trying to remember if a woman touching your arm was usually flirting or not. I only had Kuina as a frame of reference… yeah. Later.

Before I knew it, Vivi presented me with a fork laden with salmon in some sort of cream sauce.

‘Try it, it’s really good,’ she said, her cheeks flushed and her empty wine glass already being topped up by Nami.

I realised she wanted me to eat from her fork. That was definitely flirting, right?

I did as she motioned, and if it looked as awkward as I felt, then I’m surprised the entire table didn’t burst out laughing. I’m surprised the entire restaurant didn’t burst out laughing.

‘What do you think?’

‘Yeah, it’s good,’ I managed to sputter out, feeling my own face flush hot. Damn it. I wondered if I should keep things going; should I offer her something myself, feed her a morsel of food? I felt stupid - and a wretched traitor - just thinking it. I bet that cook would have done it, with no shame whatsoever. I started hating him again, but then I got a kick of the aftertaste and gave up. Fuck, everything I had put in my mouth was delicious.

Vivi paid me a lot of attention throughout the evening, and I tried to pay it back. It had been almost a year, would it really hurt to make pleasant conversation with a girl? She was nice; pretty with an innocent smile. She had hair that tumbled over her shoulders and drew my eye to her slender neck and bosom. Every time she breathed, her chest fell and rose, shifting the colourful fabric of her dress. I was hyper aware of how she moved, how her small hands felt against my skin. What was she, eighteen? I recalled Kaya mentioning she was the baby of the group. That probably made me a bit too old, but I lack any real relationship experience, so it might have evened out.

The conversation steered to a surprising subject.

‘Oh, don’t bring up that bitch again,’ Nami spat.

‘She wasn’t a bitch,’ Usopp insisted. ‘Are you just jealous, Nami?’

‘Why would I be jealous of a predatory paedophile? Idiot.’

‘Huh? Did I miss something?’

‘Oh, it was this teacher we had years ago. She got fired for sleeping with a pupil.’

‘She got _arrested_ for sleeping with a pupil! They were sixteen!’

‘Who was the pupil?’ I asked.

‘A lucky bastard,’ Usopp replied, a little too swiftly. ‘That woman was hot.’

‘They would have kept them anonymous,’ Vivi said. ‘I wasn't here at the time, so I only know what these guys do.’

‘It was horrible!’ Nami seemed very insistent about the issue. ‘They were screwing in the classroom! She’d give them detention as a ruse! I can’t believe she didn’t go to jail.’

‘She was an alcoholic, wasn’t she? Didn’t they just make her go to rehab?’ Luffy asked.

‘Like hell she was. It was a sob story so they didn’t put her away.’

‘It was pretty messed up,’ Luffy agreed.

‘Oh, come on. Are you saying if you’d been that guy, you wouldn’t have been thrilled?’ Usopp seems to find Luffy’s stance incomprehensible.

‘Dunno. It’s a bit weird. And we don’t know if it was a guy.’

Usopp stared at me, as though after support I really didn’t think I could give. ‘Every guy in the school had a crush on her.’

Nami scoffed. ‘She did it on purpose. Wore really short skirts and fishnet stockings.’

‘Exactly.’ Usopp had a far away look in his eye. ‘Her English class was my sexual awakening.’

‘I feel bad for whoever it was that got involved with her. She abused her position, and her insane sexiness, and might have ruined some poor kid’s life!’

‘So, she was hot?’ I asked.

‘That’s not the point!’ she snapped.

Usopp didn’t bother to hide his amusement. Kaya, I noticed, suppressed a smile.

‘I think Nami sort of crushed on her a bit before this happened,’ she whispered to me. And thus began a long debate about consent and grooming, from a group of people who just about knew the dictionary definition of the terms. I had nothing to add; I wasn’t sure my boundaries were very strong. Then I started thinking about Kuina again. 

Vivi sat a little closer during dessert. I wasn’t entirely sure if this was to get closer to me, or further away from Nami, who was doing her best to get closer to Sanji as he brought out our plates. I was confident Sanji would have been happy for her to just cut out the middleman and sit in his lap.

‘Oh, Nami. You’re so charming; I envy your classmates. They get to bask in your beauty every day.’ His voice kept getting higher pitched, and they just giggled at each other.

He was damn lucky the fig and coconut cheesecake was so fucking good.

Luffy had tears in his eyes. ‘Sanji! This is so good! I’m crying because I want to marry it, but I can’t, because it’s food!’

‘How much have you had to drink, Luffy?’ Usopp asked, subtly taking his glass away from him.

’Do you want to try?’ I offered Vivi some of my dessert, and she offered me some of her salted caramel torte in return. We talked a little about whether salt in sweet desserts was weird or nice, and how she loved chocolate but I wasn’t a fan. She complained about how the dates over here made no sense, because they started with the month, and when I told her we start with the year, she joking pledged to lobby NATO to standardise it across the globe. All the while, I tried to imagine kissing her. Her lips looked soft; I’d have to be gentle.

_‘See, you think I’m different.’_

_‘What? I don’t!’_

_‘It’s because I’m a woman, isn’t it? You don’t see me as a friend anymore.’_

_‘What? You’ll always be my friend!’_

_‘No. You’ll just pretend to be my friend, but you’ll just want to fuck me. That’s how it goes.’_

_‘Kuina, are you drunk?’_

_‘No, I’m just… I’m just tired.’ Her head rested against my lap. Apparently I wasn’t the enemy. For now._

‘Is everything okay?’ Vivi squeezed my hand, and looked genuinely concerned.

‘I’m fine.’ I couldn’t do it. Even when Vivi looked embarrassed, as though she had done something wrong, I couldn’t bring myself to take things further. Even though part of me really wanted to, it didn’t seem right when my main motivation was distraction. Then just the thought that I wanted to made me feel like a heel; how could I be having these thoughts, these feelings, after less than a year? The really dumb thing was, I felt like maybe I could just tell her everything. Don’t know why; she had a kind face, I guess. 

Instead, I pretended to listen to Usopp talking about the time he helped some famous person hide from the paparazzi - I don’t really remember what he said, and it was obviously bullshit - and tried to ignore Vivi’s hurt expression. 

I’m an asshole. I’m an asshole, I’m dead inside and it’s probably all my fault anyway.

I felt that bastard cook’s eyes practically bore a hole in the side of my head. Don’t know why; he leapt on the opportunity and started flirting with Vivi. Given the way Nami had been all over him, I was surprised she didn’t seem to have anything to say.

Turned out she had a lot to say, only it was all to me when she followed me to the bathroom.

‘What the hell are you playing at?’ Nami fumed, before straight up hitting me across the face.

‘What the hell are you playing at?’ I snapped back, grabbing her wrist before she smacked me again.

‘Vivi! One minute you’re cozying up to her, the next you’re blanking her! She’s the nicest… She was so hurt!’ Nami wrenched her hand away with a strength that surprised me.

Even if I had chosen to spill my guts out, I would not have been able to explain everything before I pissed myself. Wine goes straight through me.

‘That pervy cook seemed to have picked up the slack just fine. Maybe you’re just sore at how interchangeable you both were?’ I said this because, apparently, once I’m in a hole I like to keep digging until I strike oil. Or hit a gas pocket.

Somehow, Nami managed to look even more furious. She is most definitely not cute when she is angry. ‘He was trying to cheer her up after you just humiliated her, you moron.’

‘You keep telling yourself that.’ Even when I see the gas pocket, I just keep blundering ahead with my pick axe.

‘Oh my God, you are the… Do that again and I’ll kill you!’ The look on her face suggested she might even try, too. With those words, she stormed off. Well, actually she stormed off, turned back around, slapped me hard across the jaw and stormed off again.

The mood around the table was definitely a little frostier around the female end after that incident. I tried to reach out to Vivi, but Nami and Kaya formed a defensive barrier around her and I didn’t get the chance. Not much else to report, really. Luffy’s a human waste disposal unit, so we didn’t get any doggy bags, and he then passed out on the floor in the living room mid-race against Usopp in Gran Turismo whatever number it is. Usopp keeps nagging me to play, but I need to get this shit down before I forget.

Dreams. Dreams this week have been equal parts that horrendous monstrosity triggered by the loud pervert cook and his equally loud gluttonous woman, and a new one where I’m at a theme park with Kuina. It’s nice, really - we’re just messing around, egging each other on to ride the craziest rides; she’s trying to force feed me pocky sticks, I’m trying to chase her at the water park. Some nights we sneak off to a secluded beach where we make love; we hold each other tightly and she says my name like it’s a secret. I think it’s a mixture of memories I have of us surfing at the beach in our home town, and visiting some theme park in this country when we moved over for the international competitions, with some other elements that weren’t quite as I remember in the cold light of day. 

I think in some ways, the nice dream is worse. I wake up, and have to suffer that foggy transition into reality where I realise she isn’t here. The first time that happened, it felt like somebody had stabbed me in the gut.

Honestly? I feel guilty about turning cold on Vivi. I really did like her, which I also feel guilty about. But I don’t know how to make any of this right. What do I say? Sorry, but the person I loved most in the whole world is dead and I think I might have driven them to it?

Huh. I guess I could have explained it before I pissed myself, after all.


	4. 11th July

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoro finds out some interesting information about Sanji's past, and he struggles to avoid Luffy's questions about his sword fighting skills. Though his dreams of Kuina have lessened, the waking world has other ideas.

11th July  
Mood: Intrigued  
Number of Kuina dreams: 2 each night.  
Number of murderous thoughts: 5 yesterday, 2 today,  
Number of murderous thoughts about Sanji: 5.  
Number of guilty masturbation sessions thinking about Vivi: 1 and a half.

I’m sorry, Vivi. I know you won’t ever know, or read this, but I’m sorry. I’m a horrible person. You didn’t deserve it, the shower tiles didn’t deserve it, Luffy didn’t deserve to have to use the shower after me. It happened, I’m sorry, let’s all try and move on. But goddamn the way you untie your hair…

Vivi was at the coffee shop the other day. She didn’t seem upset about the night at Galipettes, and she accepted both my apology and my on the house coffee.

‘I’d never been to that place before; it was really good!’ she enthused. Her hair was pinned up and she had a folder of notes out next to her cup - there’s this bar area next to the counter that’s designed for people who show up alone to sit, but it’s just about close enough to my workspace to make chatting easy. 

‘Where’s Kaya?’ she asked. ‘I thought she worked Thursdays.’

‘She’s got some study thing at the local hospital,’ I replied. Apparently it was a thing promising medical students got to do in the break; they spent two weeks shadowing some juniors so they can ask questions and see what the job is like. She was there with Tony, who she kept talking about as though I should know him.

‘Oh, wow! That’s today? She’s been excited about that for weeks.’

‘What are you working on?’ I gestured to her immaculate, colour coordinated notes.

‘Extra credit paper on international diplomacy. That’s what I’m hoping to do a graduate course in after college.’

‘Sounds fancy.’

‘Not especially. It’s just hard work, really.’ She fiddled with her messy bun. ‘Hard, long hours spent negotiating in stuffy rooms.’ She pulled out a band, and her hair cascaded about her shoulders. ‘Hard, long, sweaty, frustrating work.’ She looked up at me through her lashes. ‘When I put it like that, I’m not sure why I’m so interested in it!’ she laughed.

Was she taking the piss? I suddenly needed a very cold shower. I couldn’t speak, and instead watched her slip her hair band around her slim wrist, all the while trying not to have Very Bad Thoughts.

_‘You can’t be her friend, you just want to fuck her!’_ Kuina’s mocking laugh echoed in my head.

I busied myself with cleaning up the coffee machine and willing my hard-on to subside. Vivi worked quietly away as I served people and refilled various pots and fridges. Now and then, I’d steal a glance at her. Now and then, she’d catch me.

In another world, where I wasn’t so fucked in the head, maybe we could have gone to the movies together? But just thinking about that reminded me of going with Kuina to those weird double bills they used to play; back seats, shared popcorn, shared jokes. She always used to get so fed up that people thought we were dating, but looking back, I can see why they made that mistake. We were inseparable, and had been since I was twelve.

Correction. Turns out we could be separated with astonishing ease.

By the time Vivi had packed up and left, I got a new counter friend. I recognised Bonney from her last visit, and if I hadn’t, I’d have recognised her voice.

‘When you’ve got a sec, mate,’ she hollered as I was in the middle of refilling the coffee machine. I made a point of not rushing my refilling job - her refilling job on Tuesday kept me awake for five hours - but she didn’t seem particularly bothered.

Her phone rang insistently as I made her a mint latte; it was a weekend special, so I didn’t begrudge her.

‘Oi, Sanj - where have you been? Haven’t heard from you since Tuesday, you sly fucker… Oh, right… wait, calm down… Sure, sure… When did you meet her…? Okay, cool. What’s her name…?’ She wrote ‘Nami’ down on a napkin, and I started to wonder if I needed to get involved. ‘Well, good for you, kid… What? Nah, it’s fine, don’t be silly… Call me later, let me know how it goes. Good luck!’

She clicked her phone down, and looked both weary and irritated.

‘Don’t suppose you know a hot ginger girl called Nami?’ she asked.

‘Maybe,’ I replied.

Bonney looked at me sharply. ‘Does she seem psychotic, a gold digger, imbalanced, on the run, a paedophile, likely to threaten to jump off a bridge if she doesn’t get her own way?’

I really wasn’t sure what to do with this sudden train of interrogation. ‘I don’t really know. She seems to care about money, I guess?’

Bonney groaned and smacked her head against the counter.

‘I don’t know why you care, given he’s blatantly playing you,’ I commented.

‘Huh? What the fuck are you talking about?’

I couldn’t be bothered to go into detail, and instead replied, ‘I’m under Sanji’s apartment.’

To my amazement, she laughed.

‘Oh, geez! Sorry, mate. Hope you got a wank out of it, at least.’

She. Had. No. Shame. She even reached forward and pushed my gaping jaw closed. ‘We’re just mates,’ she replied. ‘Known him about five years now; met him when I took a summer job at his old man’s restaurant, back when Sanji still worked there during school break.’ She smiled. ‘Gave me my first orgasm. I was nineteen years old. Sanji told me my boyfriend sucked. Two hours of him eating me out on the prep table after service, I was inclined to agree.’ She sighed. ‘It was magical.’

‘And you’ve been friends ever since.’ I tried to keep the sarcasm out of my voice. Also, if he was my age, he would have been sixteen! I didn’t even know what that meant when I was sixteen!

‘Hey, don’t knock it. When we’re both single, we sometimes get together. It’s nice. And when we’re not, I get to worry about his stupid ass.’

I couldn’t help but laugh. ‘You don’t need to worry about him. I’ve seen him in a room of women.’

She glared at me. ‘You don’t know dick, kid.’

Over the course of the next ten minutes, she happily filled me in. Turns out Sanji was less predatory womaniser, and more of an idiot hopeless romantic.

‘Every time, he falls for some nut case. I reckon it’s a fixing thing, you know? Last time, it was the girl with the asshole copper boyfriend who nearly got him locked up. They had a full blown fight outside the Hope and Anchor because ‘He wasn’t treating her right’. Like, for fuck’s sake, Sanj, that’s not your problem. Of course, she was fucking loving it. Right up until the police captain shows up. Now, Sanji’s record hadn’t run out yet, so he was playing with fire. He was so lucky the guy was on duty; his captain hauled him in for incitement.’

I learned so much today. One, Sanji was a full-on delinquent in his teens. Two, his _adoptive_ dad was basically some sort of gang leader before finding Sanji and going straight. Three, he is even more of an idiot for women than I’d originally thought. Bonney told me some amazing stories; the step-daughter of his dad’s former gangland rival who had persuaded him to skip school and accompany her on a cross country drugs run at the age of sixteen (Viola, who Bonney knew little about except that she existed, was ‘really fucking old’ and was the girl that kick-started Sanji’s delinquency phase), the teacher who seduced him and accused him of all sorts when she was caught (Kalifa, who Bonney knew and was confident in calling a crazy bitch that ought to be in jail, exposing the identity of the mystery pupil the others had been talking about at Galipettes in the process). There were a couple of others; the one that stuck in my mind was the girl who tried to con him out of his restaurant last year. She failed spectacularly - apparently even Sanji’s stupidity has its limits - but he was pretty heartbroken (I forget her name - it was a dumb car name like Mercedes or Porche). I almost felt bad for the guy. I say almost, because he had the power to stop all of this by not being an absolute fucking moron.

‘Sometimes, that kid needs saving from himself,’ Bonney said with a sigh, before draining her cup and bidding me goodbye.

‘By the way, the coffee’s really good this week,’ she added before leaving. I had no idea why; I hadn’t done anything different.

* * *

It took me ages to get back to the apartment after work. After training for two hours, I followed a sign that was clearly pointing the wrong way, as I ended up in the nightclub district instead. I’ve never been into nightclubs; Kuina and I tried to go to one with the rest of the team the first time we were over here. The other guys were into dancing with strange girls and getting drunk, but I was only interested in the latter, and Kuina thought it was dumb. Instead, we bought some cheap liquor from a back alley store that didn’t care about our ID and sat on the riverbank watching the stars.

_‘They’re different here to back home.’_

_‘They’re the same stars, idiot.’_

_‘You know what I mean, asshole.’_

_‘Shut up and drink.’_

_‘You shut up and drink.’_

I ended up pouring booze into her parted lips as she lay her head on my lap. The others had laughed and catcalled us the following morning - they thought we’d been up to something very different. They didn’t understand. Looking back, I think we were the ones that didn’t understand.

_‘What? You’ll always be my friend!’_

_‘No. You’ll just pretend to be my friend, but you’ll just want to fuck me. That’s how it goes.’_

_‘Kuina, are you drunk?’_

_‘No, I’m just… I’m just tired.’ Her head rested against my lap._

I wandered the back streets, trying to find anything I recognised. In the end, after an hour of aimless drifting, I found myself back where I started.

I closed my eyes in despair. ‘Where the hell is Main Street?’ I groaned out loud.

I swear to God, I heard Kuina’s voice. ‘Up the street, second left. Head for the Hope and Anchor.’

I looked around, but couldn’t see anyone. Certainly nobody that looked like Kuina. I called her name, but apart from a few nervous glances, there was no reaction from the people in the area. I must be going mad, but that was definitely her voice.

And the directions were correct, by the way. 

Anyway, I’m not usually one for gossip, but telling Luffy about this whole Sanji discovery was better than going over Kuina’s ghost in my head.

His response was simply a ‘Huh.’ For someone so talkative and nosy, he didn’t seem all that interested. ‘When are you going to enter some competitions?’ he said instead.

Not this again. ‘I’m not ready.’

‘But you’re so fricking amazing! I’ve never seen anyone move like that! You should totally do it.’

‘Quit bugging me about it.’

He laughed, and threw me a controller. ‘Whatever; you’re going to enter a competition, and I’m going to watch you win.’ He was so damn certain, too. But he didn’t understand; I was suddenly missing a limb, and had to learn all over again. Maybe I looked good, but I was embarrassingly below par at the moment.

Plus, the memories.

‘What happened, Zoro?’ He peered at me intently with his head at a forty-five degree angle. I felt her hairs stand up on the back of my neck.

‘Told you, that lover cook is a fool.’

‘I mean with the sword fighting. You have three swords, but you only ever use two of them. You’re so amazing that I’ve seen some of the guys at that Dojo sweat when it’s time to spar with you. But you don’t want to fight competitively?’

I clammed up, with no idea of how to get out of this conversation besides yelling at him to shut up. So I stared him out for a while. Eventually, he laughed.

‘I told you; you’re going to enter a competition, and I’m going to watch you win.’

He proceeded to thrash me at Brands Hatch for a few hours, but my heart wasn’t really in it.

I haven’t had the horrific dreams since Tuesday. The past few days have all been those gut-wrenchingly happy dreams about hanging out with Kuina. I’m not usually prone to superstition, but maybe I really do have her ghost following me?


	5. 18th July

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Driven to distraction by thoughts of Kuina and the existence of Sanji, Zoro ends up orchestrating a fight that leads to a most surprising request.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hover over for some fairly unimportant translations.

18th July  
Mood: Exhausted  
Number of Kuina dreams: 2 each night.  
Number of murderous thoughts: 5  
Number of murderous thoughts about Sanji: 7  
Number of times I’ve thought I’m going insane: 3

Not a lot to report this week, to be honest. I’ve settled into as much of a routine as I can, with the coffee shop and trainings. Living with Luffy is fine; he’s nuts, but in a good way, I guess. Last two days have been a bit of a wreck, though. 

I was working the usual afternoon shift yesterday, and was getting lots of excited text messages from Kaya.

_‘OMG! The junior I’m shadowing is Half and Half Hat guy!’_

_‘I’m behind him in the lunch queue, and he’s suspicious of couscous.’_

_‘The canteen lady suggested a sandwich, and he says he doesn’t like bread. Who doesn’t like bread? I get being allergic, but just not liking it?’_

_‘He’s eating rice salad, and picking out the raisins. I’m dying.’_

I must have looked like a lunatic, just randomly bursting into laughter while filling the dishwasher.

The door jangled open, and the last person I wanted to see sauntered in.

‘They’re so lovely, Sanji, thank you!’ Nami was holding a bunch of flowers and looking delighted.

‘It’s nothing; I’m only sorry I couldn’t find any to match your beauty.’

I started looking about for a bucket, in case I couldn’t swallow the vomit back. 

Sanji leant casually on the counter, as though he owned the damn place.

‘Hey; Zoro, right?’

‘It’s on my name-tag.’

‘A black coffee and what would you like, my angel?’

‘A mochachino, please.’ Nami seemed think being called things like ‘my angel’ were perfectly acceptable. Actually, from the little I’d seen of her, she probably thinks she deserves nothing less.

Sanji smiled as he took a small sip of his coffee. ‘Ah, I see you took my advice,’ he said with a smile, before carrying his and Nami’s drinks over to a small sofa in an slightly secluded nook. Of course he fucking did.

Nami glanced over her shoulder and pointed at her flowers. ‘It’s just a coffee date!’ she mouthed, a huge smile on her face.

I texted Kaya. _‘Who filled up the coffee machine today?’_

It took half an hour to get the response. _‘Oh, I did it in the early shift. Added some arabica, like Sanji suggested. Been doing it ever since, people seem to really like it.’_

I wanted to murder both of them. In the face.

I glanced across at Nami and quickly backtracked. The way she was giggling and playing with her hair as they talked, I had a feeling she’d murder me right back if I got in the way of her prize. The girl was clearly crazy, and I didn’t fancy pissing her off again. I idly wondered what would happen when Bonney got her hands on her.

* * *

I frightened one of the girls at the dojo today. I guess I was working out my frustrations, and I had a lot of them. I had Kuina, Kuina’s ghost, that damn cook, in rotation in my head and that’s a pretty terrible thing to do when you’re fighting. Distraction is the enemy. The dojo master had to drag me aside and stop our sparring session. Apparently I yelled ‘nobody cares about fucking arabica!’ before knocking this poor ten year old to the floor. I felt so ashamed; what the fuck am I turning into? I used to be able to leave everything at the door and become one with the sword. Now I feel separated. I was on course to be a fifth dan by my 23rd birthday, but I think all of this is going to push me back.

She wasn’t hurt too much, thank God. Her left leg was definitely going to bruise, but that’s to be expected. I got to my knees and bowed my head to the floor in apology. This is perfectly normal in dojos where I’m from, but this little girl found it hilarious. I suppose it cheered her up. I spent the rest of the evening showing her moves and letting her use me as a human attack dummy in penance.

* * *

The next day was the usual coffee shop routine, with Kaya’s amusing texts about Dr Trafalgar’s intensely picky eating habits. I did not expect the ten year old girl I beat up yesterday to show up with her parents, but I should have expected exactly what happened when she did.

‘Hey! Green-haired guy! That bruise on my leg is so kick-ass! I can’t wait to show it my friends! Mom, Dad! That’s the guy who beat me up yesterday!’ She delightedly pointed at me while pulling up her trouser leg.

I swear the entire coffee shop full of people stopped and stared at me in that moment. The mother looked horrified.

‘Do you really want to keep playing with swords, sweetie?’ she said, desperation in her voice.

‘Of course! It’s awesome! I learned how to do this!’ she started showing off some moves using her closed umbrella as a makeshift sword.

‘Not in here, sweetie.’ I couldn’t tell if the mother was embarrassed of her daughter or concerned she might break something. It had better be the latter.

While they were waiting for me to put through their orders, that goddamn cook showed up after some bags of coffee. Apparently he and Paula have a ‘you scratch my back’ system where they share coffee, tea and sugar if someone’s order gets messed up.

The girl was fascinated by him.

‘He’s got funny eyebrows. They’re all curly,’ she giggled to me in a whisper that was louder than her speaking voice.

‘He does, and they are,’ I agreed.

‘That’s rich, coming from the walking Chia pet,’ he snapped back.

‘Why do you look like a girl?’ she asked him innocently. I immediately gave her an extra biscuit with her hot chocolate.

‘Hmm?’

‘You’ve got long hair for a boy, and you dress funny. Why do you look like a girl?’

He shrugged. ‘You are what you eat, I suppose.’ 

‘What? You eat little girls?’

‘Only when they’re grown up.’ He even winked at her mother, who blushed and said nothing. I’m embarrassed to be a party to this bullshit.

The vein in her father’s temple started to bulge. The little girl looked horrified, but for obviously different reasons.

‘Daddy, he doesn’t really eat grown-up girls, does he?’

‘He’d better not.’

‘Don’t worry,’ I said to the little girl. ‘I’ll make sure he doesn’t eat you.’

She looked relieved. ‘Yeah, don’t eat me,’ she hissed, staring down Sanji with a determined expression that even I had to admit was adorable, and I could see he was struggling not to laugh at. ‘Zoro will kick your ass!’

And you know, I would have left it at that, except that fucking cook pressed a big red button of mine.

‘Sure,’ he said with a smirk. ‘I’d like to see that.’

The fuck does he think he’s dealing with?

‘You really wouldn’t.’ Don’t push me, cook boy.

‘I think I would.’

‘Well, you’re welcome to come down to the dojo and try your luck.’

‘Okay. Tonight sound good? We open late this evening.’

‘Bring it.’

‘I will.’

Just like that, we’d arranged a fight. I suppose it was inevitable; I’d been itching to kick his ass since the moment I first met him.

* * *

We had an audience that evening, naturally. Luffy and Usopp had made banners, and Usopp was trying to get people to take bets. There was another guy with them - he looked really young. Like, I wasn’t sure he’d hit puberty young. Nami, Kaya and Vivi had also shown up, I suspect under duress. They certainly didn’t look that interested.

‘I really don’t want to watch them beat each other up!’ Vivi looked horrified.

‘Wait, what?’ the young boy looked terrified. Kaya put a hand on his shoulder.

‘It’s fine, Tony,’ she soothed.

‘They’re sparring, they’re not actually going to kill each other,’ Luffy said with a grin. ‘This should be interesting!’

Nami rolled her eyes. ‘They need to decide whose penis is bigger,’ she said dryly. She might have a point; everything that asshole cook has done since I’ve met him has been to try and show me up.

Sanji showed up when I was halfway through my stretching. He grinned at me, like this was a fucking game, and then beamed at Nami and rushed over to her.

‘Nami, my sweet! Did you come here to cheer me on?’

‘No. This is stupid.’

‘Nami-’

‘Stupid!’ she snarled back, and he looked wounded. I despaired of that idiot chef - that look would have sent me to the hills.

‘I think she’s just worried you’re going to get hurt,’ Kaya said, in her most diplomatic tone.

‘No! I don’t care! This is just dumb!’

Luffy was laughing. ‘Relax, Nami. Sanji knows what he’s doing.’

That sparked my interest. I realised that I had genuinely assumed he had no experience in anything martial art related and I was going to humiliate him. I was such a fool - who would possibly agree to a sparring match if they knew nothing?

I watched him limber up while I chose my best training swords - the bamboo ones, obviously, and noticed he was very flexible - and fast. 

We caught each other’s eye. ‘Don’t worry - I’ll go easy on you,’ we both said simultaneously.

No organised tournament would allow weapon against unarmed fighting, not even MMA, but we were amongst friends. Sort of. Under ordinary circumstances, I would have the required armour, but it would be unfair in this fight. I’d fought plenty times without armour, and this time I even removed my shirt. I noticed Sanji did the same.

I also noticed the girls suddenly all seemed a bit more interested in our bout. Part of me wondered if Vivi was suddenly a bit more interested in me; she had been testing out my muscles at dinner the other week.

A bigger part of me just heard Kuina mocking me relentlessly.

Sanji didn’t even put up a block as I aimed my attack, but I soon realised he used his feet to defend as well as attack. He deftly blocked me, and was even able to push back on the weight of a training sword; I struggled to keep my position. I also noticed by the position of his feet and his stance that he could have blocked a real blade without getting cut.

I fell into the flow of movement, cut and parry almost instantly; this wasn’t like yesterday, where I couldn’t concentrate. This felt like me at my best again. Perhaps I felt he was a real challenge. I was actually beginning to enjoy myself.

‘Why doesn’t it surprise me that you do everything with your lower half?’ I taunted.

‘A chef’s hands are his livelihood, I’m not going to waste them in combat,’ he replied smoothly.

He had an interesting style; he did a lot of things that appeared to be showy, but were deceptively effective. The first time he flipped back onto his hands, I was ready to bring him down at his weak points, but he was so fast with his legs that I couldn’t get near.

We were evenly matched; I got a few blows in, and so did he. Mostly, we blocked each others attacks. I could tell he was strong, but not quite as strong as me. I could also tell that I was fast, but not quite as fast as him.

It didn’t feel like we’d been fighting for that long, but the lights started flashing.

‘We’re going to lock up soon,’ the janitor shouted.

‘Shit - what time is it?’

‘Half five. We close early today.’

Two hours in, and we had to call it a draw. 

Luffy, Usopp and Tony looked beside themselves with excitement.

‘That was so cool!’ I’m not convinced Tony’s voice had even broken yet. This was the greatest medical student in Kaya’s class?

‘Uh, thanks,’ I managed to mumble, feeling a little weird.

‘That was amazing! I mean, it’s a pity you didn’t win, Zoro,’ Usopp said offhandedly, and it kind of pissed me off.

‘Excuse me?’ 

‘He bet twenty that you’d win,’ Tony explained.

Luffy was laughing and holding a bunch of dollar notes. ‘I guess drinks are on me!’

‘He bet it would be a draw,’ Tony added.

If the fight was enjoyable, the post-fight shower was not. I’m used to being naked with a bunch of sweaty guys, but not guys who are happy to look at you. Luffy and Usopp didn’t even need to be in the shower! And Sanji was so fucking proud of his nakedness, it enraged me.

‘ _Savate?_ ’ I eventually asked, hating myself a little for being the first to crack.

‘A bit of Savate, a bit of _Taekwondo_ , a bit of a lot of things. Dad forced me into it when I was ten, and I never stopped. You?’ He was putting conditioner in his hair. Of course he fucking was.

‘ _Kendo_ and _Iaidō_ mostly, a bit of _Eskrima_. Competed internationally since I was fourteen.’ I’d never said that out loud to anyone here before. 

‘I knew it! Are you on YouTube? We have to watch you!’ Luffy was practically dancing in the shower, and frankly, so was his junk and I didn’t need that in my life right now. I chose to ignore him in the hope he’d both calm down and not press that line of enquiry. I knew what he’d find if he searched my competitions on YouTube.

I wasn’t ready to see Kuina again.

‘What about you?’ I asked Sanji.

‘I’ve never competed.’ There was an edge of menace to his tone, and for once I don’t think it was to play Alpha at me. I doubt he was even aware of it.

Usopp had switched his shower off and was already drying himself.

‘Sorry, gentlemen, but I have to hurry; I’m meeting Kaya.’

‘Oh, what are you up to?’ Luffy asked.

Usopp laughed. ‘A gentleman never tells, Luffy.’

‘Are you going to the arcade? You always go to the arcade on a first date, so you can show off your shooting skills.’

‘Hey! I play to my strengths,’ Usopp said, while grabbing some Axe deodorant out of his bag. I personally wasn’t convinced Kaya would be impressed by his ability to hit a can from a few feet away, but I kept it to myself.

Suddenly, Sanji stared at him in horror and smacked the deodorant can out of his hand.

‘Oi, what the hell do you think you’re doing?’ he shouted. ‘Don’t put that shit on you - it smells of teenage desperation.’ He sauntered - naked - over to his gym bag and pulled out some sort of deodorant, throwing it to Usopp. I was surprised he caught it with ease.

‘You want to impress a girl, don’t smell of body spray. You want something clean, but that lets your own natural scent come through. Trust me.’

‘Th… Thanks.’ Usopp looked surprised, but he used the deodorant without question.

Sanji - patron saint of horny teenage boys.

* * *

When we left the shower, dressed and otherwise not sweaty, disgusting shadows of ourselves, we found Nami of all people waiting for us in the alley outside. She was alone.

‘What happened to it being a dick waving competition?’ I couldn’t help but sass her a little; I figured she was there to simper over Sanji again.

I was very wrong.

‘You two can handle yourselves, right?’ She looked a little uncomfortable, and hugged herself defensively.

‘Nami? Is everything alright? Do you need help?’ I’m starting to think a woman in trouble is like porn to that pervert cook.

She smiled her best innocent waif smile. ‘As it so happens, I think you two could definitely assist me tomorrow. Are you free?’

Sanji gave me a look that suggested I was going to be free whether I liked it or not.


	6. 20th July

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoro and Sanji fulfil Nami's request, and Zoro makes some very poor life choices that lead to a shocking encounter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for some mild self-mutilation.

20th July  
Mood: Exhausted  
Number of Kuina dreams: Nothing that I remember.  
Number of murderous thoughts: 5  
Number of murderous thoughts about Sanji: 7  
Number of sexy thoughts about Sanji: Too numerous to mention, but totally not my fault. Not entirely.  
Number of Very Bad life choices: 2  
Number of times I’ve thought I’m going insane: 4

A lot has happened these past two days. I’m struggling to write this, as my hand is still spasming in pain. Dr Trafalgar told me to rest it. He also advised me to stop shoving sharp things in it, which I’d thought way too sarcastic for a doctor in the middle of treatment.

Anyway, recap. Kaya wouldn’t shut up about her date with Usopp, and I was subjected to a thorough account of what he was wearing, how he smelled (fucking Sanji - I hate it when he’s right), at what points he held her hand, every remotely funny anecdote he said, what he paid for (drinks and all the arcade machines they used), how good his aim was (she couldn’t give me an adequate explanation of why this mattered in any way), that he walked her home, whether it was okay that she initiated the kiss goodnight (I am not the person to ask). I have never found refilling the coffee machine so fascinating before.

Besides, I had a much bigger weight on my mind.

Fucking Nami. Fucking Sanji. Fucking Nami and Sanji. Turned out she was doing a business deal in a club, and she was becoming increasingly concerned about the attentions of the main partner she had to fraternise with. What that deal was, she didn’t clarify. I hoped it wasn’t too shady. Sanji didn’t care, and was already saddling his metaphorical horse to go and white knight for her. Which meant I was, too.

So, that very evening, I donned my new best suit (Sanji grudgingly bought it for me; my old best suit was reserved for Kuina and I’d vowed never to wear it again) and headed for Doflamingo’s, some expensive lame nightclub I wouldn’t be caught dead in if it wasn’t for those two idiots. Sanji mentioned it had changed owners and they’d left the name; he seemed grimly pleased about this, for some reason.

I followed the map that bastard cook had put on my phone, but I ended up in the Jewellry quarter. While I was trying to get my bearings, I looked up and caught sight of Kuina. Only briefly, only in the corner of my eye, but it was her; definitely her. Except it couldn’t be. I followed her ghost, the map forgotten. The streets became more crowded as I broke into a run, desperately trying to follow her.

I felt like a fool as I followed eagerly. Of course it wasn’t her. It couldn’t be her. 

Then I heard her laugh. 

Somehow, my rambling chase led me to Doflamingo’s anyway. I walked in, head swimming, to be greeted by a pissed-off looking Sanji sat at the bar, cigarette in hand.

‘The fuck have you been?’ he hissed as I took the stool next to him.

‘Your map was crap.’

‘Your brain was crap, more like.’ He nodded towards a table on the other side of the room. ‘She’s been talking with them for an hour now. I don’t like the way the big guy’s looking at her.’

I was about to berate him for being jealous, but he had a point. This big, hairy guy with a few teeth missing was staring at her like he was a thirsty man in the desert and she was a glass of ice water. She was peering at some jewellry through a handheld telescope (Nami later told me it was called a loupe) and appeared to be arguing with the man’s associate. Who the hell did she do business with?

‘She’s into some shady shit,’ I commented.

‘How dare you - Nami’s just an amazing entrepreneur,’ Sanji snapped back.

‘I don’t doubt it. I do doubt that it’s legitimate in any way.’

‘Don’t you besmirch Nami’s good name!’ His insistence was starting to grate already.

‘Maybe take the pussy goggles off for a second and assess the situation like a rational person?’ I suggested.

‘You’re just being negative,’ he shot back.

‘I just don’t want to be dragged into her shit. If it comes to that, you’re on your own.’

He just shook his head and ordered us sake. I would have made some jab about him being racist, but it is my drink of choice and he picked a really good one. There’s something to be said for being stuck in an expensive bar with a man who has honed his sense of taste into a business.

‘What exactly does she expect us to do?’ I asked, between sips. ‘Beat some guy up if he looks at her funny? Isn’t this the sort of thing you should phone the cops over?’

‘Well, I’d assume… wait - fuck. He just spiked her drink.’

‘He didn’t. You’re being paranoid.’

‘I’m not! He definitely slipped something in there.’

‘He didn’t! You’re seeing things because you want to slip something in there. And by there, I mean her-’

‘Shut up!’

The big guy was looking eagerly at her, but he’d been doing that ever since I sat down. Nami wasn’t touching her drink, but she equally didn’t look concerned.

‘We’d better do something.’ Sanji stood up, and I heard him crack his knuckles.

‘Sit the fuck down, loverboy,’ I said, trying not to laugh.

‘I am not going to let that prick hurt Nami. He’s trying to take advantage of her!’

‘He’s trying to take advantage of your perfect entrepreneur? How little do you think of Nami that she’d fall for that.’

‘I think the world of her, you asshole! It’s everyone else I don’t trust!’

Honestly, I was a little moved by the conviction in his voice. Then I remembered he’d known this girl as long as I had, and went back to thinking he was an idiot.

‘Fine. You know what? I’ll prove it. We’ll find out once and for all.’

And with that, I got up, walked over to where Nami and this big hairy guy were discussing whatever the fuck they were discussing, said hello, took her drink out of her hand and downed it in one, leaving everyone around the table speechless.

I walked back to my seat near the bar.

‘See. I’m fine.’

‘Yeah, because drugs kick in instantaneously, you absolute fucking moron!’

‘Whatever. I’m fine and I’ll continue being fine. You’ll see.’

We continued to watch Nami negotiate some sort of payment for a while; the big guy seemed to have given up a bit and appeared to be suggesting amounts that weren’t making Nami angry. I looked across at Sanji, who was watching her intently, his blue eyes adjusting to the dim light. He had really beautiful eyes. You know how some people have those pale blue eyes that are kind of icy? His were a deep azure, the sort of blue you could drown in. And he smelled good, too. He smelled of tobacco and sex. 

‘Umm… You okay?’

Turned out I was saying all of this out loud.

Then I realised there were a lot of people in this club, and none of them were filling my orifices, which felt deeply unfair. 

‘Zoro.’ Sanji’s voice sounded oddly stilted. ‘Please stop putting your hand down my pants.’

‘I just want to touch it.’ I honestly didn’t see the problem. The only problem I could see was that there was a cock nearby and it wasn’t inside me.

‘Zoro. Stop saying words.’

The men who were talking to Nami had left, and she ran over to us with a big smile on her face. She had a gorgeous smile, and I’d never noticed how her breasts bounced when she moved before. It was a powerfully erotic image. I wanted to fuck her. I wanted Sanji to fuck me. That seemed like a thing we could probably do at the same time.

I felt a sudden sharp pain between my shoulder blades, as though I had been punched hard in the back.

‘Zoro. Do not make me shut you up.’

‘Thanks, guys - I really appreciate it. He was really creepy, but I guess I was overreacting. I got a really good deal, so my markup’s going to be enormous!’ She downed her new drink before Sanji could knock it out of her hand.

‘What the hell, Sanji!’

‘Fuck. You shouldn’t have drunk that.’

‘Why the hell not? I can handle my alcohol, you know.’

My markup was getting enormous, too. I really wanted to lick every part of her. And Sanji. All I could think about was how we should all get naked and touch each other a whole bunch.

‘Zoro! What’s got into you?’

‘Nothing, and that’s the problem!’

‘I don’t think you were overreacting, Nami. Twenty minutes after he downed your drink, he started… whatever the fuck this is.’

I felt Sanji shudder against me, and I distinctly remember thinking it was because he liked what I was doing.

‘Okay, I’m taking you both to my apartment.’

‘Yay!’

‘Then I’m calling the cops!’

‘Boo!’

‘Sanji, I’m scared…’

‘Don’t worry; I’ll take care of you.’

‘Yay!’

* * *

At the time, I recalled precious little of Sanji’s apartment, except it was clean and tidy; the apartment of a man who had his shit together. He dumped me onto his sofa, and rather rudely pulled my hands off his belt. He handled Nami more carefully, and sat her down in the nearby armchair.

‘Here, drink some water.’

‘Thanks, Sanji.’

‘Am I the only one who sees a problem here? Nobody is fucking me! I am a sexual being! I have needs! And holes! And do you know what needs and holes have in common? They should be filled!’

‘I’m not sure that entirely makes sense, Zoro.’

‘Quit riding me, Nami! How about you start _riding_ me instead? And my me, I mean my penis.’

I felt another sharp pain, this time on my arm.

‘I’m not putting your genitals anywhere near me!’ Nami screeched. I thought she was being quite churlish.

‘What the fuck kind of drug is this?’ Sanji pondered aloud. He was hot when he was contemplating shit.

‘I don’t know. I’ve heard of Spanish Fly, but this is something else.’

‘What about if you switched bodies? Like, then Cook Daddy could get on my dick, but in your body. That’d be so hot.’

‘Stop it!’

‘It’s for science, Nami. For science! Quick, I’ll get a hairdryer and run a bath - that’s how it works in the movies. Come on, Nami; wouldn’t you want to have a go in his body? I give you permission to fuck me with Cook Daddy’s cock… Oh, wow - you could fuck each other! Would that be like masturbation? I want to watch.’

I tried to get up, but a heavy weight pressed against my lap. It was Sanji’s ass.

‘You’re going nowhere,’ he said firmly.

‘Oh my God, yes. That would be so amazing!’ Nami sighed. Sanji shuffled so he was sitting on my chest instead.

‘See, two against one. That’s a majority, so it’s only fair.’

‘Zoro, take your hands off my thigh. Nami, it’s that fucked up drug.’

‘Why should the drug be the only thing that’s getting fucked up?’ Nami purred. Her purring was so very, very sexy.

‘Zoro, for the love of God, shut the fuck up!’

I spotted her crawling across the floor and perching herself in front of Sanji’s lap. ‘I’m sorry, Sanji. We’ve been so very, very naughty.’

‘Nami…’

‘Oh! He’s pleased to see me. We’re going to be friends.’

‘Nami, don’t…’

‘I just want to give him a kiss!’

That wasn’t fair. I touched it first. Why was I getting ignored?

I felt the weight lift from me, and saw Sanji move Nami’s hand from his crotch. He picked her up in his arms.

‘You’re right; you’ve been a very naughty girl. You need to go to your room, and think about what you’ve done.’

‘Are you going to teach me a lesson?’

‘In the morning, but only if you’re a good girl and apologise.’

‘I can apologise right now-’

‘In the morning. And you have to finish your water, too. Okay?’

Nami sighed heavily. ‘Okay, Sanji. I’ll be a good girl and go to bed.’

He carried her to one of the bedrooms. I watched him sit her on the bed, take off her shoes, and tuck her in before shutting the door behind him with a heavy sigh.

After that… well, I don’t remember much. Not that it mattered, because Nami’s a lying manipulative little bitch who was behind that door filming everything that took place on her phone. Before I get to that, there was a rather awkward breakfast to get through.

* * *

I woke up to the smell of something amazing; my stomach growled angrily. I sat up, and my head felt three times heavier than usual.

‘Oh, you’re up? Get over here, I’ve made breakfast.’ Sanji looked haggard as he gestured to the small dining table.

I did as I was told. ‘You look like shit.’

‘No thanks to you.’ I couldn’t read his expression. It was a mixture of irritation, exhaustion and possibly a hint of amusement? 

‘Fuck you,’ I replied lazily, not really in the mood for thinking of anything more clever. My brain was congratulating the rest of my body for the complex task of moving from the sofa to this chair with falling over or vomiting.

‘I told you last night, and I’ll tell you again - no.’

Well, fuck. So that wasn’t a dream. I let my head flop onto the table and groaned.

‘Don’t worry; I protected your innocence.’ A green smoothie appeared in front of me. I lifted my head and sniffed it curiously.

‘It’ll make you feel better. Replace your nutrients. Drink some more water, too.’

I was too tired to argue. It tasted weird, but not unpleasant. 

‘Thanks. Food smells good,’ I said. Okay, so this guy pissed me off, but even the patchy memories I had at this point made it clear I owed him. I could argue that he got me into this mess in the first place, but… that would make me an asshole. I honestly just wanted to eat, and he was making that happen. Good enough reason to owe him. 

‘Of course it fucking does.’ He smiled a little when he said this.

More fragments of memory started to slam painfully back into my brain. ‘Where’s Nami?’

‘Currently making my shower the luckiest shower in the world,’ he replied with a sigh.

‘Idiot. Is she okay?’

‘She’s doing much better than you. She’s positively perky. Doesn’t remember anything, though. So, let’s keep it that way.’

‘Huh?’

‘I told her she just passed out. I’d appreciate it if you corroborated my story.’

‘Don’t want her to know she tried to blow you last night?’

‘She was under the influence of some fucking powerful drugs, and I don’t think she needs to feel responsible for her actions.’ He’d turned a funny shade of pink.

‘You wish she meant it.’ I couldn’t help but stir the pot a little.

‘That means I’d also have to wish you wanted me to fuck you in the ass, so I’m happy to assume it was the drugs.’

Oh yeah. That was a thing I wanted. I’m not gay. I’m so not gay. I’m not saying this to be all macho and scared of man love, or anything like that. Fuck who you want to, I don’t care. I’m saying this to highlight what a trip that drug was. I am definitely not gay, and last night I really, really wanted to be fucked by a guy I could barely stand. I also don’t find Nami all that attractive; I think she finds herself attractive enough for the two of us. Again, last night I really, really wanted to fuck her. So I guess Sanji had a point. I’d keep quiet. Even though it would be really funny to dangle that over her.

Before we had to make too much awkward conversation, Nami entered the room wearing a black silk robe that was too big for her, and her damp hair brushed back from her face. I don’t know how I kept from bursting out laughing. That cook owned that thing, and apparently used it, without any sense of irony.

‘Thanks for letting me use your shower, Sanji,’ she said as she sat down next to me. I noticed she didn’t quite look me in the eye.

‘That’s quite alright, my sleeping beauty. How are you feeling?’

‘Much better, thanks. Tired though.’

‘Really? You were out like a light.’ She did look tired, which seemed odd for someone who had passed out for ten hours straight.

‘Oh, that smells amazing, Sanji; what is it?’ Nami asked, ignoring my question entirely.

‘Kedgeree,’ he replied, which didn’t answer the question as far as I could tell. ‘Ought to perk you both up.’

Turns out it was some spicy egg, fish and rice dish. It was good, and there was a lot of it, so I was happy. Nami and Black Robe Sanji were discussing stuff about how hard boiled the eggs should be, and the kinds of spices. I wasn’t paying much attention. The dumb mooning faces they were making at each other was enough to put me off my breakfast, and it was too good to have ruined by that horny cook’s flirting.

He wouldn’t let us help with the washing up; I think he’s a bit territorial about his kitchen. Must be a chef thing. To be fair, it was state of the art. The rest of his apartment was nice - a typical monochrome and leather guy’s place - but the kitchen was clearly where most of the money had been spent. He’s surprisingly generous with the rest of his stuff, though - when Nami complained about having to put her old clothes on after her shower, he basically gestured to his bedroom and told her to take whatever she needed.

‘My stuff’s probably too big for you, but you might be able to work with it. Feel free to take a look.’

By the time she had emerged from his bedroom in a distinctly feminine dress, her demeanour had changed completely. She seemed suddenly cold.

‘Oh, that looks pretty on you,’ Sanji commented cheerfully. ‘You should keep it.’

‘Is that your weekend look?’ I joked. He just looked at me and said nothing.

‘Who does it belong to?’ she asked stiffly.

Sanji studied her dress momentarily. ‘Well, whoever owned it clearly doesn’t want it anymore, otherwise I wouldn’t have it.’

‘That’s not answering my question.’

‘I honestly don’t know, it would have been years old. Probably ended up in my stuff when I moved out of dad’s place.’ Something in his expression told me he was lying.

‘Well, thank you, Sanji. I’ll see myself out.’ Something in her expression told me she knew.

‘There’s no hurry, Nami. If you’re interested, there’s this exhibition on at the museum all about-’

‘I’ve got plans,’ she replied airily. ‘I’ll… I’ll see you around.’ She grabbed her belongings, then looked at me. ‘Zoro, are you coming?’

‘Huh?’ I was halfway through a coffee, and quite enjoying it.

‘Zoro!’

 _‘God damn it, I’m not your lap dog!’_ I thought, but followed her anyway. I guess it was kind of worth it to see the dumbfounded expression on that idiot cook’s face. 

I didn’t enjoy it as much as I’d have expected.

* * *

I had to run to keep up with Nami as she sped down the stairs.

‘Nami, what the hell was that about? He was just trying to help.’ I can’t believe I was defending this moron. ‘He… I mean. Last night-’

‘I’m perfectly aware of what happened last night; do you seriously think I’m stupid enough to have drunk something that weirdo had bought for me?’

The fuck? ‘But you were totally out of it!’

‘I was faking it!’ she snapped.

‘What the hell for?’ For fuck’s sake, what was wrong with this girl?

‘I wanted to see what he’d do, okay? Turns out it didn’t matter.’ I heard her swallow hard. ‘And why have you stopped?’

‘Because I live here?’ We were outside of my apartment.

‘Oh. Right. Of course.’

Suddenly, the door opened.

‘Hey! Where have you guys been all night?’ Luffy was leaning around the door, looking somewhat puzzled. He sniffed me suddenly - and disturbingly - before glaring at me.

‘Hey! Have you guys eaten breakfast without me?’ He looked deeply betrayed.

Not half as deeply betrayed as I felt when Nami sat down on our sofa and started playing the video she had recorded on her phone.

‘I took this after… after Sanji put me to bed,’ she explained. ‘Maybe this will jog your memory?’

I won’t labour over the whole humiliating recording, but I will summarise:

  * At no point in those five hours of footage Nami had recorded was I flaccid.
  * I was relentless in my insistence that Sanji needed to put his cock inside me. Fucking relentless. I have never been that obsessed about anything in my entire life.
  * By the time the police captain showed up, Sanji had stopped me taking my clothes off around seven times.
  * I constantly referred to the police captain as ‘Wee Woo Daddy’. I even explained that it was because he was a big, butch silver fox with a wee woo car. Those words. To a cop. With an erection I was apparently uninterested in trying to hide.
  * I asked him to handcuff me.  

  * I asked him to handcuff Sanji. When he said ‘It wouldn’t be the first time,’ I asked him a lot of questions, and all of them explicitly referred to prison sex.
  * When he took a blood sample, I thought it was kinky.
  * When he handed a clearly shocked Sanji a letter, I asked where my love letter was.
  * When the police captain then had to restrain Sanji, who clearly wanted to punch my lights out, I said they looked hot together.



Luffy was laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe.

‘Luffy, this is serious! We have to let everyone at college know that this is a drug people are spiking drinks with!’ Nami was shaking with rage.

‘Yeah, totally.’ Luffy managed to look at Nami seriously for all of ten seconds, before bursting out laughing again. ‘No, you’re right. We’ll get the word out, don’t worry.’ He glanced at me, and started crying with laughter again.

‘Wee Woo Daddy…’ He was shaking. Something told me everyone I had ever spoken to was going to know about this within the hour.

* * *

I dragged myself in for Kaya’s afternoon shift (I had to grovel in thanks to her for covering the shift I’d missed that morning). She paid me little attention, and practically threw her apron aside in her rush to get away from the counter.

I soon realised why; a support group had formed in the corner of the coffee shop. Vivi was consoling a crying Nami, and Kaya was quick to join in.

‘He seemed so nice! I can’t believe I was such an idiot!’ she gasped between sobs. It was weird; I’d never seen her like this.

‘Don’t feel bad, we all thought it as well,’ Vivi soothed.

‘I mean, he was a flirt, but he didn’t seem… like that.’ Kaya agreed.

Good God this was depressing - and boring - to listen to. Was this to do with him having a girl’s dress? Seemed kind of dumb to me, and hypocritical; it was pretty obvious he’d had girlfriends before, and hadn’t Nami dumped Usopp only a few days before they met?

When Kaya traipsed over to get them all refills, I decided to be nosy.

‘What’s going on?’ I asked. ‘The great love of our lifetime no longer to be?’

‘Don’t be mean, Zoro,’ she hissed. ‘Nami found out… It sounds crazy, but she found out Sanji has a girlfriend.’

‘Oh, that Bonney woman? She’s just a friend. That he, you know.’ I couldn’t bring myself to say it out loud.

‘Who? No; this one was called Violet, and she has a kid - I mean, they have a kid. Wait, there was another one? Oh, please don’t tell Nami. I don’t think she could handle it right now.’

Whoops. Also, I was not convinced that lovercook was a guy with a child. Nothing about him suggested parent. Okay, apart from last night, where he parented me. Maybe Bonney doesn’t know? I was fairly certain she would have told me, given everything else she had no issues with sharing.

It started getting a little busy, so I had to leave Kaya to her support group while dealing with Half and Half Hat guy. Dr Trafalgar didn’t vary his specific - and stupid - order, and I’d actually started to commit it to memory.

I was busy fixing his drink when I heard Kuina’s voice.

‘Mr Roronoa? May I speak with you when you have a moment?’

I turned round, and saw Kuina staring back at me. She had a police uniform, but it was definitely her. I instantly dropped the drink I was making, and felt it splash against my legs. I grabbed the counter to stop myself from toppling over completely.

‘Oh, don’t be alarmed! It’s just about taking a statement regarding last night.’

Looked like Kuina, sounded like Kuina. Right down to the way her nose wrinkled when she was concentrating.

‘My name’s Tashigi, I’m the lieutenant covering your case…’

It had to be a dream. This was crazy. I backed up until I hit the fridge. She wasn’t going away. What the fuck was happening? Was I going mad? Was it that weird drug from last night? That was the only possible explanation; I was hallucinating, some kind of after effect. Either that or I was seeing a ghost.

‘Is… is everything alright?’

I looked around for something to break the thrall. There was a fork. I grabbed it, blinking wildly to try and shake the image of Kuina from my head. Only I couldn’t tear my gaze away.

‘I can come back another time, but we should really get your statement - Oh my God! What are you doing? Stop it! Stop it!’

I felt pain in my hand, but Kuina didn’t vanish. Instead, she leapt over the counter and restrained me. Well, she attempted to. I jabbed harder into my hand, all the while muttering, ‘go away, go away, go away’ in the hope that it would break my hallucination. This was torture, and I couldn’t bear it.

A reassuring hand fell onto my shoulder. ‘Put the fork down, Mr Roronoa. Everything’s going to be fine.’ Hat guy appeared in front of me.

‘Dr Trafalgar! Can I help?’ I heard Kaya’s voice in the distance.

‘Make him some sweet tea, please, Kaya.’ 

There was a rush of activity. Dr Trafalgar cleaned out my wounded hand and bound it tightly. Kaya kept forcing disgustingly sweet tea down my throat. Kuina kept trying to talk to me.

‘Mr Roronoa? Are you alright? How many fingers am I holding up?’

‘Lieutenant, perhaps you should leave this to me.’

‘Thank you, Doctor, but I have a duty of care to…’

I reached up and touched her face, and was surprised when I made contact with flesh and bone. Her skin was soft like Kuina’s. She even smelled like Kuina.

‘Maybe I should get backup. Mr Roronoa, please stop sniffing me. That’s not appropriate.’

‘It’s fine; I can take it from here.’ Dr Trafalgar had that kind of calm voice that suggested something was very wrong.

Paula sent me home immediately for the day; I’m guessing self mutilation isn’t good for business. Dr Trafalgar walked me to my apartment. I struggled with my keys, and when we walked inside, Luffy and Usopp were brandishing tools and building God knows what in our living room. It looked like some sort of go kart with legs.

Of course, they both immediately started making police siren noises.

Dr Trafalgar looked at me, but made no comment.

‘Holy shit, Zoro! What happened to your hand?’ Luffy at least sounded concerned.

‘Did you get into a fight? If only I’d been there, I used to box as a child…’

‘I’m fine, I just… I need to lie down.’

So, yeah. That was the past two days. I still haven’t given a statement. I wonder if I should go to the police station and find that lieutenant? That would make sense. Go and see her. Give my statement. Be a good citizen.

I can’t stop thinking about her.


	7. 22nd July

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoro finds himself drawn to Lieutenant Tashigi, and finds himself exasperated when Bonney tries to rope him into helping her make amends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hover over for translations.

22nd July  
Mood: Excited  
Number of Kuina/Tashigi dreams: 5  
Number of murderous thoughts: 3  
Number of murderous thoughts about Sanji: 2  
Number of guilty masturbation sessions: 2

Things have been kind of hectic. I don’t know how to describe how I’m feeling; I’ll stick with excited, but I’m not sure that’s strictly true.

I went to the police station today, and asked for Lieutenant Tashigi. That’s Kuina, by the way. She was perfectly calm and nice and overlooked the fact that the last time we met I stabbed myself repeatedly begging her to go away. 

She offered me coffee, which I was honestly sick of given I work with the damn stuff every day but took anyway, because I got to watch her go to the vending machine and press some buttons. She even moved like Kuina; it was uncanny. For a moment, I wondered if it had all been some elaborate plan, and she wasn’t dead at all. Maybe she’d just started a new life?

If so, she was a way better actress than I would have given her credit for. This woman definitely didn’t know who I was. I managed to catch a glance at her details when she was filling in the statement forms - she was a year older than Kuina, but her birthday was only a couple of weeks later.

‘Mr. Roronoa, if you could-’

‘Please, call me Zoro.’ Mr Roronoa sounded so weird, coming from the lips of a woman I’d known for so long. We’d trained together, sparred together, fought together, cried together, laughed together, showered together. Come together.

Stop it. Stop thinking about that. It was only once - well, one night - and not with this… this impostor.

She frowned the same way as Kuina.

‘If you could tell me in your own words what happened that night?’

She asked lots of questions; where had I been, at what time, when did I think I’d received the drug - I swear she gave me one of Kuina’s most exasperated stares when I explained that particular moment - what did I remember feeling, what did I remember happening. I don’t really remember what I said; I’m sure it was as truthful as I could be, given I spent most of the evening in a dazed and horny funk. I mostly remember how she chewed her pen in thought, how she tucked her hair behind her ear, the way she tapped her fingers on the table to quietly display her impatience. So much like Kuina.

She walked me back to the reception area, and told me she’d be in touch with any developments. Then she was gone. I watched her walk back through the restricted area and up the stairs, marvelling at how familiar her movements felt.

‘Hey buddy, you got somewhere to be?’ one of the cops was staring suspiciously at me. I wondered if he might be her boyfriend. For some reason, the thought made me feel sick and angry. How dare he. There was no way this guy was good enough for her. 

I pushed down the crazy feeling and headed back to work, which turned out to be a complete warzone.

Nami and Bonney were standing in the middle of the coffee shop, apparently squaring off. Customers were watching intently, as a horrified Kaya was trying to placate them.

‘Oh, so it was you as well? Have a good laugh, did you?’ Nami was furious.

‘What the hell are you on about, you crazy bitch?’ I suddenly realised I’d never seen Bonney angry before, and all those looks she’d given me before were pretty neutral behaviour. This was another level.

‘You know what? It doesn’t matter. You’re both welcome to him.’ Nami looked fierce, but I could see she was fighting back tears. ‘And I don’t care what you think of me, because this isn’t about you, or that Violet woman. This is about me, thinking I’d met a really kind, attentive guy who actually respected me.’ I could have sworn I saw her lip wobble. ‘Not my problem if you’re willing to settle for scraps. I’m hot, I’m clever-’

Bonney smirked. ‘You’re modest.’

‘You know what? Fuck you. Do you know how many guys I’ve dated who’ve just wanted me to dull my shine to feed their ego? Be less than so they can look good? I don’t need a meal ticket - I run two online businesses! I pay my own way through college! Yeah, a guy who makes his own way is nice, because he’s not mooching off me all the time! A guy who is impressed when I hit the top of my class is great, because he doesn’t see my success as an assault on his manhood! A guy who I told about my business ventures, and who asked me for advice? No guy has ever trusted me before! A guy who happily worships the ground I walk on? Well, why not? Why don’t I deserve that?’ She wiped her eye on her sleeve, but stared defiantly at Bonney. ‘He was too good to be true, and I should have known. I took a chance. Glad my… my heartbreak could be of some amusement to you!’

She bowed exaggeratedly, before storming out of the coffee shop, her head held high with tears brimming. I had to admit, I was impressed with her class.

Bonney was staring, her mouth agape. I resisted the urge to go over and gently nudge her mouth shut like she did to me. Instead, I quietly handed over her usual order when she sat down near the counter and sank her head into her hands.

‘Christ, I really fucked up.’ 

‘I don’t know. Nami’s crazy.’

She looked up at me. ‘You’ve got to help me, bro. I think I just cockblocked Sanj out of his perfect woman.’

Now it was my turn to look shocked. ‘Did you not hear the part where I said she was crazy?’

Bonney shrugged. ‘Everyone’s just looking for their right kind of crazy.’

Oh please. I do not want to be involved in this mess. I already have enough of my own shit to deal with.

‘You know her, right? Can’t you talk to her?’

‘And say what? That he’s not pussy obsessed? Because we both know that’s a lie.’

‘No! Just get her to come here. I’ll get him to come here. We push their heads together until they kiss.’

‘They’re not toys.’

‘I will make them my toys.’ The steely resolve in her expression was kind of frightening.

We were thankfully interrupted by more customers.

‘Ow! What’s up with Nami?’

‘Don’t get involved, Franky.’

‘But she looked so sad!’

I recognised both of them from Galipettes, they were the two teachers Luffy and his friends were gossiping about. I hadn’t really noticed just how huge he was before; the woman accompanying him was even taller than me, but she was dwarfed by his size. He wasn’t just tall, he was broad. I couldn’t quite believe he managed to fit through the door.

Bonney surveyed him coolly, but said nothing.

‘A mocha latte for me, and a black coffee for the beautiful lady,’ he said, gesturing towards the dark haired - and sharp eyed - woman beside him. She didn’t react to his flattery in the slightest, neither in pleasure nor disgust. She seemed used to it.

I heard their discussion as I made their orders. The discreet quietness of the woman was wasted, given how loud her companion was.

‘What? You’re kidding!’

‘Shh, keep your voice down, Franky. I’m sure she’ll be fine; it’s pretty standard teen drama.’ I started tuning into her voice as I went about my background tasks.

‘That doesn’t sound like something Sanji would do, Robin.’ There was no need to tune into Franky’s voice; he was like a foghorn.

‘Well, he hasn’t had the most functional experiences with women.’

‘Oh, you mean Kalifa? Yeah, that was bad - but we put a stop to it quick enough. No, it was Violet that did a number on him; Kalifa was just a blip,’ he said confidently before grinning. ‘I teamed up with his dad. Followed them in my car, hooked up cameras and mics in the classrooms; two of us did a proper stakeout before busting her ass. When she denied it, boom! Brought out the footage. When she put on the waterworks and claimed he’d forced her? Bang! Check out the audio, baby. Didn’t even make it to a jury. May have avoided jail, but she’s never working with kids again.’ His shoulders suddenly sagged. ‘Kid was still trying to protect her, though. It was a job getting through to him. I don’t know what the Captain did, but he’s a miracle worker. Point is, even at his most messed up, he’d never do something like that to a woman. Now he’s straightened himself out, I find it even more unbelievable.’

‘He didn’t go onto college, though.’ Robin sounded disappointed.

‘No need - he already knew what he wanted to do, and he had the skills. Took some business classes, hustled abroad for a year on loads of different kitchens for money and knowledge, and look at him now. I’m so proud of him.’ He wiped his eye with his enormous shovel of a hand.

‘That was you, Mr F?’ Bonney was now watching them with interest. She offered her hand to Franky, and it was swallowed in his huge grip.

‘Nice one. That bitch had it coming.’

‘Bonney, people aren’t supposed to know about that.’ Robin glanced pointedly around, and I quickly realised that ‘people’ meant me.

‘Oh, he’s fine. They’re friends,’ Bonney said offhandedly, and I instantly bristled.

‘No, we’re not! I hardly know him, and I don’t even like him!’

Franky laughed, and clapped his hand on my shoulder. It felt like a bulldozer had tried to give me a cuddle. ‘Hey, if he stole your girlfriend, then he did you a favour. She wasn’t worth it.’

‘He did not steal my girlfriend!’ I felt hot with rage. Kuina would never have been interested in him. I think. No. She’d have hated him. But, she was a woman… I started thinking about Sanji approaching Kuina in that nauseating way that he did, overblown and overfamiliar. As many times as I imagined her punching him out cold, I imagined her blushing and giggling, enjoying the attention. She had her moments in that regard, but they were mine, damn it!

The force of my feelings surprised me. I suppose they shouldn’t have.

‘So, will you help, Franky?’ Bonney looked at him eagerly, and I’d clearly zoned out of their entire conversation.

To my amazement, Franky started crying. I don’t mean a suppressed welling up, I mean full on waterworks. Huge, gulping sobs shook his frame and I honestly didn’t know what to do.

‘Of course!’ he managed between his tears. ‘It’s so sad! Just a dumb misunderstanding!’

‘Which I’m sure could be solved with a phone call.’ Robin was my kind of woman.

‘You don’t understand. Nami’s usually so mistrustful, and if she let her guard down with him, she’d build it up back so high and never talk to him. Sanji’s determined, but he respects a woman’s feelings and wouldn’t keep demanding her affection, so he’d never get to talk to her…’ He started sobbing again, and I’m sure I saw Robin roll her eyes as she patted the ginormous slab of meat that passed for his arm.

The rest of the shift was pretty dull, and I passed the time trying to idly fantasise about Robin. She was attractive and collected. Someone who didn’t court drama. I tried to picture myself undressing her, holding her, kissing her. Tell me what you like, ma’am, I’ll be such a good boy for you… I kept getting distracted by darker thoughts of Vivi and Kuina. Damn it, I just want to be able to beat off to something normal; is that too much to ask?

* * *

As I had proven myself enough in this job, I was given the role of closing up the coffee shop today, which meant I got to the Dojo for training later than usual. On going to get my equipment, I bumped into Tashigi, and my heart leapt into my mouth. Clearly, my fantasy for normal was never going to come true.

‘Oh, hi there.’ She smiled cordially, and I forgot how to speak. Or move.

‘Umm, okay. I’m just going to grab my pads.’

I gripped her wrist as she tried to walk away, and I noticed she winced. I let go immediately. Kuina wouldn’t have flinched at that.

‘Sorry! Sorry, I just… Hi. Fancy seeing you here, Lieutenant!’ What the hell was wrong with me? I could hear Kuina laughing in my head.

_‘Just as well you’ve got me, kid.’_

‘Well, I do have to train for my job, so here I am.’ She laughed nervously. ‘How are you holding up?’

‘Oh, fine! Fine.’ We were standing in the annex where we stash our equipment, and people kept needing to get past. It didn’t cross my mind to move, so instead we were engaged in awkward small talk while dancing with every other attendee when they needed to borrow or return something, which brought us in close contact. I concentrated on her smell, and I realised I was getting a hint of her perfume. Maybe she didn’t smell like Kuina after all? She never wore perfume, but I could recognise her scent to the point that I knew if she’d borrowed my t-shirts without asking. This didn’t seem quite the same.

‘Sorry,’ she mumbled as a couple of jocks muscled past and knocked her into me. When she steadied herself against my chest, I was sure she’d notice my heart jack-hammer beneath her hands. She used a different shampoo to Kuina, too.

Stop it. Just stop.

‘What do you train in? I’ve not seen you here before.’ She spoke to me as though I was a normal person, which honestly felt like a serious deception on my part.

‘Oh, sword work, mostly. Fitness, too - weights, stamina, that sort of thing.’

‘I see.’ She glanced down at my kit, and I saw her eyes widen in amazement.

‘Holy…! Do you have…’

She was staring straight at Wado Ichimonji. I felt suddenly fiercely protective of it.

‘It was… given to me.’ I hated saying ‘bequeathed’ out loud.

‘That’s a _Shinshintō_ , right? That’s one hell of a gift, and you bring it to training?’ Her awkwardness had vanished, replaced by geeky enthusiasm.

‘I have to, if I’m going to use it in my next competition.’ I had promised, after all.

‘May I-’

‘I’d rather you didn’t.’ The words were out of my mouth before I could stop myself.

 _‘She’s not me, you know.’_ Kuina’s voice thundered in my head. _‘She can’t do the things I did.’_

‘Of course. I didn’t mean to be pushy,’ Tashigi said as I felt the blush creep angrily across my neck.

‘What do you train in?’ I asked, as a distraction. Turned out she did a bit of weapon training, alongside open hand. Although I specialise in sword work, I still work regularly on open hand techniques; I find it helps my sword skills.

‘Well, hey - if you ever need a sparring partner.’ What the fuck was wrong with me? Fighting with Kuina’s copy would be the worst idea ever. Yet, I really wanted to do it.

‘Umm, thanks. I mean, it looks like our times don’t really match up usually, but if our paths ever cross again…’

‘Sure, sure.’

I mean, going to the Dojo two hours later than I had been wasn’t that big a deal, right? 

Yeah. I’ll keep telling myself that.


	8. 26th July

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In an attempt to see more of Tashigi, Zoro makes some questionable choices; one of which leads him to an unexpected offer.

26th July  
Mood: Tense  
Number of Kuina/Tashigi dreams: 5  
Number of murderous thoughts: 3  
Number of murderous thoughts about Sanji: 4  
Number of guilty masturbation sessions: 3

I didn’t dream of Robin. I dreamed of Kuina crawling silently into my bed, the way she used to. I could feel the warmth of her skin, her breath against my neck. She reached into my pants and gripped me painfully hard - a threat. Her voice was feral, possessive.

_‘She can’t do the things I do.’_

I woke up in a cold sweat, but still impossibly hard. What is wrong with me? I ended up jerking off with the memories of Kuina in my head and feeling worse than ever. I wish I could say this was the first time I’d cried while masturbating, but that would be a lie. I bet that bastard cook has never done that. He’s probably got everything neatly carved up; an endless stream of imaginary walking sex dolls, the memories pushed into another room.

So, it turns out that Paula usually runs a coffee and sandwich delivery to the police station. It also turns out she had to fire the last guy when he was pocketing the difference in the price she charged and the price he decided to charge the police staff when collecting their fees.

‘Why did you agree to do this?’ Kaya asked, wringing her hands.

‘Someone needs to.’

‘But you get lost going home or to your training sessions, even after four weeks of going to these places every day. Don’t you think adding another route will be too much?’ Her expression was one of extreme discomfort as she informed me of all this.

‘I’m not an idiot; it’s one block across. I can handle it just fine!’

Okay, so I took a wrong turn and arrived a little late, but I got there quick enough.

I’d been to the interview rooms before, but not to the office area. It didn’t look much like in the movies, just some boring desks and statistics scribbled onto whiteboards. I saw Tashigi immediately, hunched over some paperwork. She looked kind of cute in her uniform - I hadn’t noticed that before. I did my best to ignore this new observation and instead concentrated on the orders. ‘Cpt S’ had a black coffee and a salmon cream cheese bagel, but he wasn’t at his desk, apparently. The other orders were claimed fairly quickly, until I was only left with that one and ‘Ltn T’ - chai latte and a salt beef sandwich on rye. Not what I had expected - Kuina wasn’t too keen on red meat.

‘Oh! You again.’ I must have disturbed Tashigi’s concentration, as she looked fairly rattled.

‘Yeah. I’m apparently less likely to defraud you than the other guy.’

‘Huh?’

Turned out Paula hadn’t mentioned what had happened yet. Whoops.

‘Do you need me to fill anything out about it?’

‘No thanks. I’ll send someone over to talk to Paula,’ she replied as she grabbed her order. ‘Thanks. You know, for the coffee.’

‘No problem. Do you know where this person sits?’ I only hand one order left, and asking Tashigi about the mysterion ‘Cpt S’ meant I could look at her a little longer. I still couldn’t find any differences there - she might as well have been cloned from Kuina.

‘The Captain? He’s next to me, but he left to… oh, never mind; he’s back already.’

I looked over to the desk and I immediately wanted the ground to swallow me up. ‘Cpt S’ was Wee Woo Daddy - the copper who had to deal with me on that crazy shit those creeps failed to spike Nami with. Worse still, he was talking to Sanji, of all people. Just what I needed - both involved parties.

‘You need to understand, this isn’t keeping in touch. This is closure. You are not to have contact with each other ever again, so… so whatever you write, make it count.’

Sanji appeared crestfallen, but nodded in understanding. As he left, he turned and clearly saw me. As did Wee Woo Daddy. I swear I saw him grimace.

‘Can I help you?’ the Captain asked gruffly.

‘Your lunch order,’ I replied, doing my best to look like someone who hadn’t asked him to handcuff me while horned up on drugs.

I glanced across at Tashigi, frowning away at her paperwork. I wondered if she would be at training again today? That would make it twice in a day that I’d seen her. Maybe I could convince her to spar with me - no, that would be a bad idea. But I could watch her, and maybe offer some advice. Hold her pads, something like that? She was deep in concentration; I’d seen that look on Kuina’s face before, and I blushed from the memory.

‘My order?’ the Captain was staring at me, and not in a flattering way. So was Sanji, who appeared to be cringing. What the fuck was their problem?

* * *

I had an unexpected visitor during the afternoon shift. Luffy showed up around three pm, ordered a latte into which he poured so much sugar I’m amazed it dissolved, and sat at the counter area to bug me for the rest of my shift.

‘Don’t you have anything better to do?’ I asked.

‘Nah, I’m on school break.’

‘What about Usopp and Tony? Aren’t they around to waste time with?’

‘Tony’s doing hospital shadowing, and Usopp’s out with Kaya,’ he replied matter of factly. So that was still going on. I honestly didn’t get what Kaya saw in him, but I supposed there must be something that I can’t see in my few encounters with the guy. I remembered the unflattering stares I got whenever Kuina was handsy with me. We were just messing about, but they didn’t know that. They didn’t know anything.

‘By the way, we’re going fishing on Saturday. Sanji’s taking us down to the lake in the woods out of town.’

Great. Why did he try and force me to spend time with that asshole? ‘When did I agree to this?’

‘Just now.’

‘I didn’t agree to any-’

‘Well, Sanji doesn’t know yet. Patty and Carne said they’re sick of his heartbreak playlist in the kitchen - it’s full of endless The Cure, Paramore and Fleetwood Mac tracks, so they say. But I know they’re just worried about him. This’ll distract him.’

I didn’t even bother to question whether those were their actual names, or just names Luffy had half heard and decided to give them. That was definitely something he did; I’d learned early on in our acquaintance to never trust him when you wanted to know anybody’s name.

‘So, you know that cook will want to go fishing with you?’ I wiped down the surface around Luffy, who somehow seemed to generate mess; he’d managed to leave seven coffee ring marks in ten minutes.

‘He’s into that sort of thing. Catches his own fish and picks mushrooms for the restaurant sometimes. Plus, he knows stuff about getting fresh water, weird survival tricks. No idea why. Anyway, we’ll just tell him we want to go and get him to take us; he’s got a car, he won’t say no.’ He grinned, and I suddenly felt as though this impish little kid was some kind of master manipulator.

* * *

My next unexpected visitor showed up during my training at the dojo. I showed up later than my usual time, but Tashigi was with a bunch of meatheads I presumed to be her colleagues, and I didn’t get a chance to speak to her. I heard them discussing some college talks about drug awareness, and it sounded like they had stopped some spiking attempts. They seemed way too pleased with themselves about this, like they’d saved a Empress or something.

We exchanged head nods from afar before she melted into the crowd. Given my earlier coffee run to the police station, this was basically bonus Tashigi.

 _‘This is just sad, Zoro. You know that, right?’_ I could feel Kuina shaking her head in embarrassment.

Then you shouldn’t have left me, Kuina. You shouldn’t have gone somewhere I can’t follow. I’ve been chasing your ghost ever since; is it any wonder I’m enthralled now I’ve found it?

My training plan varies per day, but I have a similar structure: half an hour of interval training, forty-five minutes of weights - squats, bench press, overhead and deadlifts - then twenty minutes of press ups and pull ups. After stretches, it’s weapon training for an hour, and sometimes half an hour of open hand, all of which is against pads or dummies. Finally, another hour of sparring with whoever is free and willing. That’s a fairly heavy chunk of my day, but it’s closer to twice that in the run up to competitions. As I’ve gone through tournament season since the age of fourteen, I’m used to it. Not having it in my life is weird and leaves me feeling adrift. Not having Kuina in my life is the same, and the two are so tightly linked together. Breaking the connection is proving hard; eleven months and I’m still struggling.

Anyway, during my pull ups, I noticed a bit of a commotion in another corner of the main training area.

‘Miss Neferteri, please be careful! You’re supposed to block!’

‘Sorry!’ I recognised Vivi’s voice instantly. Unsurprisingly; I’d spent at least two showers a week vividly - and guiltily - imagining how it sounded screaming my name.

 _‘You’re the fucking worst.’_ Kuina glared at me in my mind. _‘She’s eighteen, and you’re way too fucked up for her.’_

I was surprised to see her in the dojo, and even more surprised to see her training with a judo master. Her form was pretty good; I’d have guessed she’d been learning since around the age of twelve.

I spent my training trying not to be distracted by her movements and her grunting, then spent my sparring session trying not to be distracted by her tight sweat pants and sports bra as she watched me between practice bouts.

She approached me while I was mopping the sweat from my brow with a towel.

‘Mr Bushido?’ she asked sweetly, her hair tied up in a high ponytail and sweat sheening her chest and neck. God damn the way she called me that - both submissively formal and intimately informal. I felt my stomach lurch as though I was on a roller-coaster just from hearing it… I clearly have issues.

‘Hi! I didn’t know you trained - you looked good out there! I mean, you looked like you know what you’re doing. Not that you don’t look good, I just...’ This is why I tend to be quiet. The longer I talk, the more likely I am to say something stupid. Instead of seeming creeped out, she smiled.

‘Thanks. Dad makes me learn, but I do quite enjoy it.’

That interested me; Kuina’s dad got her into sword play. I asked Vivi why.

‘Oh, he gets concerned I might be kidnapped. Figures it’s best that I learn to defend myself,’ she said, far more casually than I would have expected. Guess her dad’s the overprotective type.

‘That’s why I came over, actually. I wondered if you’d maybe spar with me some time? I could do with the practice - and some pointers. Igaram’s great, but he doesn’t want to really hurt me.’

Her request concerned me. Was that the vibe I gave off? That I wanted to hurt her?

I agreed while knowing it was stupid; one, I’d be disadvantaged as I would in all likelihood be concentrating on not getting a hard-on and two, sparring with a girl is dangerously close to Kuina territory. This would stir up a lot.

* * *

Kuina and I trained together all the time, since I was ten. We entered competitions as groups and individuals, and we were always travelling together, competing together, even being tutored together. While she was a year above me in school terms, it hardly mattered - we spent so little time in mainstream school. I guess we grew up together, but from an age where we were old enough not to feel like brother and sister. What I’m trying to say is that’s it’s hardly surprising that we shared many other firsts with each other.

I remember the first time we shared a bed very vividly. We weren’t supposed to - it was very much against the rules - but you just made sure you didn’t get caught. So, no spending the night, just a few snatched moments before one of you fell asleep. Johnny and Yosaku either never noticed us, or just didn’t say anything. It had been after a rigorous training session where Kuina and I had pretty much beaten the crap out of each other; our coaches used to worry about the way we handled each other, but by the time I’d reached fifteen, they’d come to realise we were both fine with it. I was getting stronger, and Kuina was getting angrier; between us we used to leave welts and bruises all over.

That night, I was lying awake in bed, trying to ignore the pesky throbbing in my left calf where Kuina had landed a serious blow. I heard the door to the boys’ dormitory creak open, and heard footsteps that were unmistakably hers - I’d known her for five years at close quarters by this point, and would recognise the sound of her movement anywhere.

‘You awake?’ she whispered into my ear. Her breath tickled and made me want to giggle. 

‘Yeah.’

She said nothing else, and simply crawled into bed with me. We were in those single bunk beds, so there was not exactly room for two, but we made it work. I moved a little closer to the wall, and she lay on top of me, tangling her limbs with mine. I remember lying rigid, scared to move in case _something_ happened. I don’t know if I was scared something more or something less would happen. I recall not wanting her to leave; she was warm and smelled nice, her breath was soft and sweet against my neck, and she seemed to fit me like a missing puzzle piece. She started tracing the lines of my stomach muscles with her fingers while I lay perfectly still, not wanting her to stop. She began following the dark patch of hair that had sprouted below my navel - I still remember her pointing and laughing when it first appeared, while calling it a landing strip.

Suddenly, I felt her hand slip under the waistband of my boxer shorts and grip my cock, sliding her hand up and down with curiosity, as though trying to figure out how I worked. I helplessly bucked against her as she was frustratingly too gentle, or painfully too rough. Eventually, I just grabbed her hand and showed her how I did it until she got the rhythm. 

She had to cover my mouth to stifle my moans, and it was over embarrassingly quickly. Then she tiptoed back to her dorm room as though nothing had happened, leaving me confused, cold and damp. I’d sure forgotten about that pain in my calf, though.

She never spoke of it again, except for a single text message that suggested she didn’t wipe her hands of me.

_‘You taste funny :)’_

* * *

I guess what I’m trying to say is that sparring with Vivi was going to bring all those sorts of memories to the surface, but I set up a session for tomorrow with her anyway, because I’m apparently a masochist.


	9. 28th July

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoro agrees to train Vivi. What could possibly go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hover over for translations.

28th July  
Mood: Shamefully Horny  
Number of Kuina/Tashigi dreams: 3  
Number of Vivi dreams: 1  
Number of murderous thoughts: 5  
Number of murderous thoughts about Sanji: 1, but retracted, so 0  
Number of murderous thoughts about Luffy: 1  
Number of guilty masturbation sessions: 1

Yesterday was my first sparring session with Vivi. Within minutes it turned more into training Vivi in the art of escaping big, mean attackers, which probably goes some way to explaining my dreams tonight. 

Now, I’m not really an experienced trainer; I’ve run kids’ classes for extra cash, but that’s mostly just crowd control. Make sure they don’t aim for the head, they’ve got their equipment on correctly, they’re doing what you do with the katas. One on one is different. You need to be able to show how to perform a move, how not to perform it, what a correct stance is… it can get a bit handsy if you’re not careful - it’s just easier sometimes to move someone into the correct position. 

The thought of getting a bit handsy with Vivi terrified me.

_‘You can’t be my friend; you just want to fuck me.’_

_‘Can’t I want both?’_

She was already stretching when I had finished up my usual training session. I’d started at my usual time again; given the extra session with Vivi, I’d have a chance to run into Tashigi when she attended. Maybe she’d want some one on one with me as well? She was good, but I was better, so it would benefit her, really. Kuina would have wiped the floor with her.

I pushed down those thoughts and headed to the equipment room. Tashigi was there, struggling with a tower of pads.

‘Hi again,’ I said in a casual manner that didn’t match how I felt inside. I’d already been to the police station to bring their lunch orders, but had only seen her briefly before she ducked into an interview room.

‘Oh, hi!’ She dropped all the pads she was carrying, and I rushed to pick them all up for her.

‘Thanks.’

‘Taking, or leaving?’

‘Taking, as I’m sure you know,’ she replied with an awkward smile. I handed her the pads, avoiding touching her in any way, as I wasn’t sure I could handle it.

‘Well, this is your usual time.’

‘But not yours.’

‘Oh, I’m finished, actually. I’m working with someone else. I mean, someone I know. Vivi. She wants some extra practice.’ Damn it, why could I not function as a normal human being around her? She wasn’t actually Kuina!

‘Vivi Neferteri?’ Tashigi looked rather concerned.

‘Yeah, is that her surname? I heard that guy call her it.’

‘How did you meet her?’

I shrugged. ‘At a restaurant. Got talking. Saw her here yesterday and she asked me.’ I left the part out about how her image had been at the mercy of my basest impulses ever since.

Tashigi frowned; her nose wrinkled in the same way Kuina’s did and I found myself wondering about some of the other, more private, ways they might be similar before I literally pinched my arm to distract myself.

‘Are… are you okay?’ Tashigi looked slightly horrified as she stared at my arm. Turned out I’d drawn blood in my pinching attempt.

‘Ah, I’m fine. Just… just picked a scab,’ I lied nervously, squeezing past her to reach the pads. She practically leapt out of the way as I took what I needed and tried not to bleed over it.

* * *

‘Mr Bushido! What happened to your arm?’ Vivi was full of concern when she saw me, and made me sit down while she found a plaster for my cut and wiped the blood from my arm with a cotton wool ball. Then she noticed my hand.

‘Oh my God, what did you do to your hand? Are you going to be okay to spar with me?’ She held my wounded hand delicately; she had a soft touch and I confess I enjoyed her playing nursemaid with me. No girl has ever made a fuss over me like that - Kuina would have told me to stop being a wimp, and probably smacked me as a distraction.

‘Just an accident at work last week. No biggie,’ I said casually, not wanting to tell Vivi of all people that it was self-inflicted and why.

Vivi wasn't half bad, but she made a lot of rookie mistakes with her stances and her moves. Every time we got close, I spotted something and corrected her.

‘I feel like I'm taking one step forward and two steps back here,’ she complained, and I felt bad for nit-picking over everything she did. She'd asked for a sparring partner, not a new trainer.

‘Sorry. I didn't mean to be an ass, but this stuff is all connected. Get one thing wrong and it snowballs...’ 

‘No - I'm really grateful. I was just wondering if we should go back to basics instead?’

Vivi was a smart woman. I couldn’t imagine anyone else who'd been at this for as long as her reacting in that way; they'd have been caught up in their arrogance, their certainty of what they were doing. Vivi... Vivi was open-minded, I guess.

To my surprise, I liked training Vivi. I don’t mean in a creepy way, but as a general activity. Showing her how to distribute weight, how to kick, punch, block, throw, use weapons. I enjoyed it, and I seemed to be good at it, too. She learned quickly and her moves noticeably improved.

It was all great until we came to sparring together again, then I reverted to being disgusting, primordial gloop.

‘I’m a bit nervous,’ Vivi admitted. ‘Go easy on me.’

‘I thought the whole point was that I didn’t.’

‘I mean, just to begin with. I can take it, Mr Bushido. I just… I just need you to warm me up first.’ She looked up at me shyly and met my gaze.

God damn, this was going to be difficult. It already felt like foreplay.

She was no match for me, but that wasn’t the point. I slowly built up my attacks, testing her limits as she blocked and manoeuvred away from my grasp as I attempted to ‘capture’ her. I went too far at one point, and swung at her with enough force to send her flying. She instinctively flailed and grabbed me, causing both of us to fall to the floor. I landed on top of her, and was only just able to put my hands out in order to stop from crushing her.

‘Are you okay?’ I managed to ask while being much too close to her. I could almost feel her chest heaving as she gasped for breath, her face flushed and her eyes shining a little with adrenaline.

‘I’m lucky you aren’t really trying to kidnap me,’ she said, panting. ‘I’m afraid I’d be quite helpless against your powerful physique.’

I quickly helped her up before I did something deeply stupid, or before my body threatened to leave her in no doubt about my feelings. She looked deeply embarrassed, but managed to make it look adorable instead of weird and creepy, like I would have.

‘Sorry, that was a weird thing for me to say. You just make me feel nervous! I get quite flustered talking to you. You’re… you’re inscrutable.’

Really? I thought I was shamefully obvious, but maybe that was down to Kuina always seeing right through me.

‘That’s okay. I promise not to kidnap you, if that helps?’

She laughed at this, and it felt both strange and nice to deliberately make a girl smile.

My awkwardness and unruly boners aside, the session went well. Igaram showed up and watched for a while, and he seemed happy enough with what he saw.

‘Well, you two seem to be working together well. I should tell your father, Miss Neferteri.’

Vivi suddenly looked awkward. ‘Do we have to, Igaram?’

‘Well, he is going to be paying for this.’

Paying? I mean, I could use the cash, but that seemed weird somehow.

‘Oh, no - I’m just… just helping a friend. No need for that,’ I insisted.

‘Not at all - you have expertise, you should be compensated for it.’

‘Really, it’s fine.’

Vivi grabbed my arm. ‘Just take the money,’ she whispered. ‘He’s not going to give up.’

I agreed in the end, but I didn’t feel comfortable with it. If this Igaram guy knew just half the things that had been running through my head while sparring with his student, he’d want me to pay. With blood.

‘Just make sure you don’t hold back,’ Igaram said sternly. ‘We can’t watch her twenty four seven, and she’s refused bodyguards - even though she’d knows she might be targeted… I mean, never mind! Just… Just give her everything you can.’

I had no idea why she’d need bodyguards, and why she’d be a target. Her father sounded insanely overprotective. She hadn’t been keen to discuss it, either.

‘He does overreact sometimes,’ Vivi said when we were taking turns at the water fountain. ‘I daren’t tell him about the thing at college.’

‘What thing?’ I asked as she bent over and sipped from the flowing water; it took some effort to concentrate when all that water was dripping from her parted lips.

‘I saw one of the staff at the student bar slip something in my drink the other night,’ she explained once she was finished and I went in for my far less sexier turn. ‘I doubt I would have noticed, if it wasn’t for the big talk the student union organised about some new drug that had been reported on the street. The police were involved and everything.’

Huh. That must have been the thing I not-exactly-accidentally took... Which made me think about Vivi in the same state I was in. Which was entirely the reason I suddenly lost control of the water fountain pressure and managed to douse myself like a prize idiot. Vivi just stared at me blankly for what felt like ages as I dried myself off. I know I'm a moron, but I wish she didn't think it, too.

‘I'm glad you were safe,’ I replied. ‘There are some assholes out there.’ Yeah. Assholes who will think about you bent over at this water fountain the next time they're in the shower. 

She smiled brightly. ‘Well, with your help, I certainly will be!’ 

* * *

I’m writing this at four am, so I think you can guess what happened. Vivid dreams. Vivid, shameful dreams. Vivid, shameful, sexy dreams. I swear I wasn’t even like this as a teenager; I don’t know where this has all come from, but I’d happily be rid of it.

_I was driving through the desert in a pick up truck, Vivi in the front seat wearing a flimsy white nightdress and her feet and wrists bound with coarse rope._

_‘Mr Bushido! Take me back this instant!’ She was fierce, but her voice definitely carried a note of fear._

_I said nothing, and sped faster along the dirt road._

_‘What are you going to do with me, you… you brute!’_

_‘You’ll find out soon enough.’ I took a final drag on the butt of my cigarette and threw it out of the window. No idea why I was smoking; maybe I looked cooler?_

_Vivi was struggling against her bonds. ‘Please, I’ll do anything! Just… just let me go.’_

_I slammed on the brakes and turned the car sharply into a shallow ditch, jolting the two of us. Yanking off my seat belt, I clambered over to her seat and grabbed her chin in my hand._

_‘Anything? You sure about that?’ I murmured, before roughly kissing her inviting lips. She kissed me back eagerly, though she glared at me when I pulled away._

_‘You bastard!’ she hissed. I chuckled, and nibbled at her ear, delighting in the way her breath hitched._

_‘That’d be more believable if you hadn’t been so damn eager, Princess,’ I whispered, and I’ve a feeling she would have slapped me, if she could have. I kept kissing her, and she went limp against me._

_‘Oh, Mr Bushido! I’m so helpless against your powerful physique,’ she gasped, as I started to caress her breast._

_‘Freeze!’ A loud bang distracted me, and the car door on my side was suddenly shot open. Tashigi stood proudly, her uniform a little dishevelled and her sunglasses glinting in the harsh sunlight. She had her gun pointed right at my head._

_‘Out of the car, Roronoa,’ she demanded. I had no choice but to obey. Vivi rushed over to Tashigi’s side, who held her protectively._

_‘Did he hurt you, Ms Neferteri?’ she asked gently._

_‘I’m… I’m fine.’ Vivi looked conflicted as she glanced my way. Tashigi did not lower her gun._

_‘Take off your clothes, Roronoa,’ she commanded._

_‘Eager to see what I’ve got to offer?’ I taunted._

_‘Eager to make sure you’re not concealing weapons.’_

_I raised my hands. ‘What can I say? I concealing one special weapon just for you, Officer.’_

_‘Just do as I say!’_

_Once I was completely naked, she handcuffed me to her police car so I had a full view of her and Vivi._

_‘You’re a fucking disgrace, Roronoa,’ she sneered. ‘Taking advantage of such a sweet, innocent girl?’_

_‘She’s not so innocent,’ I spat back, as Tashigi carefully examined Vivi as she undid her bonds. They left marks where they had indented against her soft skin._

_‘Thank you, Officer,’ Vivi exclaimed, throwing her arms around Tashigi, who caressed her cheek._

_‘You can thank me later,’ she whispered, before kissing her softly on the lips. Vivi stared at her as she pulled away, both shocked and clearly excited._

_‘How about I thank you right now?’ she said breathlessly, as she started to slowly unbutton Tashigi’s shirt._

_‘You’d love that, wouldn’t you, Roronoa?’ Tashigi said, glaring at me as her shirt slipped to the ground._

_‘I don’t mind if he wants to watch,’ Vivi replied with a shy giggle, before Tashigi quietened her with a passionate kiss..._

I woke up suddenly, and not at all happy about it. I was going to murder whoever interrupted that dream. It was probably that fucking cook banging around upstairs; I hadn’t heard him since before our meal at his restaurant, but it was only a matter of time. 

Turned out he wasn’t to blame, for once. I heard the bathroom door swing open, and Luffy sighing as he took the longest piss in existence. I hated him. Didn’t kill my erection, though. Not even when he started to hum tunelessly.

I heard him go back to bed and shut his bedroom door. I briefly considered ducking in for a cold shower - that would have been the honourable thing to do. Instead I tried to carry on where my dream left off, and fantasised about making passionate love to both Vivi and Tashigi against that pick up truck with the kind of skill and stamina that was, at best, extremely optimistic. 

I suddenly realised that all of this started after Kuina’s _Bunkotsu_. I don’t know what that said about me, but I didn’t think it was anything good.


	10. 31st July

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys go on a fishing trip, and while Luffy is unsuccessful in getting Sanji to spill a closely guarded secret, Zoro and Sanji notice some suspicious behaviour near Nami's apartment...

31st July  
Mood: Bittersweet. Is that a mood? That’s how I feel, anyway.  
Number of Kuina/Tashigi dreams: 3  
Number of murderous thoughts: 5  
Number of murderous thoughts about Sanji: 3  
Number of guilty masturbation sessions: 2

We went to the lake to go fishing today. I got in a training session with Vivi first thing this morning, and spent half an hour in the coldest shower trying to recover from it afterwards. Pretty girls and fighting is a bad combination for me, but I keep coming back for more. The fact Vivi’s father is paying me through Igaram makes me feel even guiltier. It’s good money, too.

By the time I’d got back to our apartment, Luffy was chomping at the bit.

‘Hurry up, Zoro! We’ll miss the best time of the day!’

‘That’s okay, Luffy,’ Tony said comfortingly. ‘We’ll have plenty of time.’ He seriously did not look seventeen. I’d have struggled to believe he was fifteen.

Usopp was checking the tackle bag. ‘Where’s Sanji?’

‘We’ve got to meet him down in the garage. He said he was borrowing his dad’s SUV.’

‘I was going to say, I thought he had an MX5.’

Of course he had an MX5. He looked like the kind of guy who’d drive a Mazda MX5. He probably kept condoms and cologne in his glove-box, too.

When we got to the underground garage, I heard a lot of very fast French being tossed around. Sanji was stood with a stocky blond man who had an impressively large nose and even more impressive facial hair. Honestly, if I hadn’t know he was his adoptive father, I wouldn’t have guessed; there was a definite resemblance in their colouring and the way they held themselves. Then Sanji’s father walked around the car, and I noticed he placed his weight a little differently. Nothing the average person would notice, but I’m so familiar with the minutiae of movement that I can generally tell how people will walk based on their size and shape, and he didn’t match my expectations.

‘Hey! Zeff! Thanks for letting us use your car!’ Luffy bounced on the balls of his feet as he yelled across at Sanji’s father, who visibly stiffened.

 _' Merde!'_ I didn’t really catch much else besides _' non'_, _' garçon'_, _' voiture'_ and ‘Sanji’, but Zeff sounded adamant. Sanji waved his hand nonchalantly. I didn’t understand anything he said, but he gripped the keys and patted Zeff on the back, who seemed to be placated.

‘Have fun, boys; try to bring her back in one piece,’ he said to us all, while he opened the door to Sanji’s Mazda. He started fiddling with the driver seat.

‘Dare I open the glove box?’ he asked with a wink.

‘Depends if you get lucky with your date tonight, old man,’ Sanji replied, and Zeff looked a little embarrassed. He started muttering something in French that made Sanji laugh, before fiddling with some buttons on the steering wheel I didn’t expect to be there.

 _' Chier dans la colle - mes cigarettes!'_ Sanji was patting the pockets of his sports jacket. Zeff bent down in the car to grab at something, which caused his trouser leg to ride up and display what was clearly a prosthetic. Before I could wonder too much about how he had ended up losing a leg, he threw a packet of cigarettes and what was clearly a girl’s scarf; those floaty ones that don’t seem to be of much use for keeping your neck warm. Sanji caught them both and looked suddenly sad.

_' Lui parler, idiot.'_

_' Occupe-toi de tes oignons!'_ Sanji yelled back as Zeff drove away. He pocketed the cigarettes and caressed the scarf far more tenderly than it required.

‘Isn’t that Nami’s?’ Luffy asked innocently, and Sanji responded by bringing the fabric to his face and inhaling deeply. It was the singularly creepiest thing I had seen since moving here, and I include that guy spiking Nami’s drink in my assessment.

‘ _Ma biche_ , how I miss you,’ he whispered. Luffy and Usopp exchanged concerned glances. 

‘Are you okay?’ Tony asked, though he looked painfully shy. I thought he might run away when Sanji met his gaze.

‘The most beautiful angel slipped away from me, leaving me blinded by her heavenly light. My heart is broken, and not even a doctor such as yourself could knit the wound.’

I worked it out in my head - they had met, dated and split up in the space of three and a half weeks.

‘I’m not a doctor yet, idiot!’ Tony simpered, blushing to the roots of his hair and twisting his foot into the floor. Not the reaction I had been expecting.

We loaded the car up and headed out of town. Sanji’s chefs had not been lying about his playlist; it was deeply depressing. Fortunately, Luffy had shotgunned the front passenger seat and started fiddling with Spotify within ten minutes of us being on the road.

‘Hey!’

‘Sanji.’ Luffy put his hand on Sanji’s arm. ‘Friends do not let friends keep listening to Johnny Cash covering ‘Hurt’. Or any playlist that contains more than three songs by The Smiths.’

Luffy was apparently a curator of enforced happiness. Every song that we heard for the hour long journey comprised of a trumpet intro, choruses that were the titles of the song, more Mika tracks than I knew existed and a song I thought was by Queen but I couldn’t hear over Luffy’s loud, and slightly tone deaf, rendition. Tony quickly started clapping along, and they were joined by Usopp after the first verse. Even the morose Sanji perked up and started badly harmonising into the second chorus.

_‘Don't stop me, don't stop me, don't stop me-’_

_‘Hey, hey, hey…’_

_‘Don't stop me, don't stop me-’_

_‘Have a good time, good-’_

‘No - there’s an ‘ooh, ooh, ooh’ first!’ Luffy was aggressively exuberant about their impromptu karaoke.

‘No there isn’t!’ Usopp was insistent.

‘Yes, there is!’

‘No there - oh!’

‘Told you.’

‘Quit arguing, just improv your way through it.’ Sanji had somehow managed to light a cigarette between terrible harmonising and several gear changes up a particularly steep hill.

I didn’t join in, but I admit I enjoyed listening to the chaotic singsong. It made me think of Kuina dancing in her pyjamas miming into a hairbrush in a hotel room we had during our second internationals. I don’t remember the song, but I remember her being lost in the moment and glowing with happiness. What surprised me was that the memory didn’t hurt; I just held it a while and cherished it before it slipped away.

The scenery as we approached was beautiful. It had been a long time since I’d got to experience mountains and woodland, and although it was different to the environments I saw growing up, it was still refreshing. Silver grey mountains were speckled with the bright greens of the trees, bright flashes of reds and purples came courtesy of the wild flowers. The river wound its way alongside us, but when Sanji parked under the shade of some trees in designated gravel, I saw no lake.

‘Funny looking lake,’ I replied.

‘We can’t drive there,’ Sanji replied, before taking one last drag on his cigarette and managing to flick it into the nearby bin without even looking. ‘We walk from here. The fishing is better than the tourist end.’

‘Where do we walk to?’ Usopp asked as we all got out of the SUV. Sanji pointed at a deep valley in the distance, which seemed to terrify Usopp.

‘Awesome! I love walking in the forest!’ Luffy exclaimed. ‘There’s all these beetles around here. Ooh! Maybe I’ll find an Atlas beetle?’

‘Atlas beetles are found in Southeast Asia, so I don’t think you will, Luffy,’ Tony replied sadly.

Sanji dumped half of his gear on me to carry along our route. I stared in disbelief at the beer cans, pan set and cutlery he had in the storage box he’d given me.

‘I thought we were fishing, not setting up camp.’

‘You’ll thank me later when you’re hungry and we have to catch our own lunch.’

‘Why don’t you get Luffy to carry this? It was his idea.’

Sanji merely pointed at the tree top twenty feet above us, where Luffy was currently dangling by his feet.

‘Wow; I can see the city from here!’

‘That’s why. So shut up and carry,’ he replied nonchalantly, lighting yet another cigarette.

‘Do you ever stop to take an actual breath?’

He shrugged. ‘Keeps the bastard mosquitos away.’

I do hate it when he has a point.

As we walked along the route, the path got increasingly more narrow, and Usopp got increasingly slower. By the time we reached a steep slope towards the river, he ground to a halt.

‘Wait, we’re going down there?’

‘Yep,’ I replied. Seemed pretty obvious to me.

‘The tiny mud path that’s basically a cliff?’

It was hardly a cliff, though it was fairly steep. ‘Yup.’

Usopp laughed nervously. ‘I can’t. I think I’m developing steep-hill-itis.’

Luffy was already barrelling down the hill while laughing. Tony, to my surprise, also seemed pretty relaxed as he trotted along the tiny path. He had a good centre of balance.

‘Well, you either follow us or wait by the car,’ I replied. I didn’t have much patience for this nonsense; just grow a pair and deal with it. Kuina wouldn’t have batted an eyelid.

‘Oi, Usopp. This thing’s heavy, give us a hand.’ Sanji had put down the storage box he was carrying.

‘It’s not that heavy,’ I protested. ‘I can carry this myself.’

‘That’s because I gave you the lighter one,’ Sanji replied swiftly, before beckoning Usopp to grab an end.

‘I’ll go backwards, you go forwards, okay?’

‘Sure, Sanji.’ Usopp still looked terrified as we made our way along the track. 

‘So, how’s things with Kaya?’ Sanij asked, between drags on his cigarette.

‘Oh, you know. Women; can’t live with them, can’t live without them.’

‘I hear you. The second part, at least.’

Sanji didn’t seem to have any concern about his own footing, as he paid more attention to Usopp’s dating stories than he did to where we was stepping. I decided to trail behind them a little.

Walking through the undergrowth along the steep banks of the rushing river threw another memory of Kuina into sharp relief. 

* * *

Back in our home country, after the internationals, the team got taken to some country retreat. I was feeling anxious; Kuina had blown up at me the night before, and she hadn’t really talked to me since. She’d fallen asleep in my arms after we’d snuck a bottle of sake out of our coach’s office, and I’d had to stealthily get her back to her bed without waking anyone. She allowed me to sit next to her on the minibus, but she had turned away from me and stared out of the window with her sunglasses permanently on. I wasn’t sure if she was fed up or hungover.

Over lunch, she was unusually quiet. She picked over her food, which was also out of character; Kuina could put Yosaku to shame when it came to wolfing down sushi. I decided to try and pull her out of her funk, and the best way to do that was usually by giving her a chance to beat me up. 

After lunch, I grabbed some equipment and dragged her out to the riverside, the waterfall rushing in the distance. There was a set of stepping stones across the deeper part of the river that I thought would give us an extra challenge, and once her eyes started to shine after giving me the first bruise, I decided to bring up what she had been rambling about last night after half a bottle of sake.

‘You keep saying I can’t be your friend. What’s that about?’ I asked as our training staffs collided.

‘You want to fuck me,’ she replied coolly. ‘And don’t try to lie, you’ve come over my hand enough for me to know.’ She swung her staff at me in an attempt to knock me off balance and into the river.

I blushed fiercely at this, and blocked her attack. ‘You’re the one who keeps sneaking into my bed. If anyone wants to fuck, it’s you.’ I flicked my staff and caught her ankle, tipping her into the river. She squealed, and grabbed the front of my t-shirt, sending me plummeting alongside her.

‘Cheat,’ I grumbled once I came up to the surface.

‘Asshole.’ Her expression was one of fury. I’d really pissed her off this time. She snatched her hand away when I tried to help her onto the river bank, and swam away from me. Still, I felt her eyes bore into my back as I took my clothes off and lay them out to dry on the bank. I deliberately did the same as she started to undress.

‘Stop staring, you pervert!’ she snapped.

‘You stared at me.’

‘That was different.’

‘How?’

‘I’m angry at you.’

‘Still stared at my butt.’

‘Fine.’ She stormed over to me until we were inches apart, and performed what might be the angriest striptease in the history of the world. Slowly, deliberately, she removed item after item of sopping wet clothing and threw them at me. Her t-shirt, her shorts, her bra, her panties; all went straight in my face. I laid them next to my clothes and said nothing in response. My unruly cock said everything for me. She always dressed like the rest of the guys on the team did, and I realised I hadn’t expected her to look so womanly, so soft, beneath her clothes. Something about her rage fuelled haughtiness made her even more attractive. I couldn’t deny she excited me, but I didn’t see how that stopped me being her friend.

‘Maybe… maybe I’m just curious about it,’ she said finally, glancing down at my erection.

‘Maybe I’m curious about yours.’ She had dark hair between her thighs, and it seemed like a tease to me, drawing attention to the very thing it concealed.

‘Where do you touch yourself? I mean, to… to come?’ I asked, because this honestly didn’t seem like a weird thing to ask a girl who had jerked me off several times on our last trip.

‘What?’ She looked horrified. ‘I don’t go anywhere near it! I hate it!’

‘But you touch mine?’

‘Yours isn’t as weird.’

‘I bet yours is fine.’

‘Is this a trick to get me to show you?’

‘I don’t want to trick you. Show me,’ I suggested, somewhat boldly given her mood. She smirked, rather than thumped me. She pointed at a flat rockscape nearby that overlooked the river.

‘Sit there.’

I did as I was told, wading into the river so I could climb up to the rocks. She followed, and sat opposite me, a smile on her lips.

‘You felt bigger in my hand.’

‘Hey, it’s cold in there! Just shut up and open your legs.’

‘And they say romance is dead.’ With a heavy sigh, she did as I asked. I noticed she didn’t look down; it was as though she wanted to pretend it wasn’t there.

‘See? It’s weird.’

I peered at her genitals. I didn’t have a frame of reference beyond biology class and one of Johnny’s porn magazines he got in Europe that I looked at once out of curiously, but it looked fine. In fact, I couldn’t tear my eyes away. I didn’t realise I’d have that reaction. ‘It looks cute.’

Kuina stared at me as though I was mad, before she burst out laughing. ‘Oh, Zoro. I’m willing to bet nobody has said that about… about this, ever.’

‘Like a little clam.’ 

She started laughing again, genuinely entertained. Something about her so relaxed and happy while naked was utterly beautiful to me.

‘Zoro, quit staring at me like that. You look weird.’

I didn’t say anything, as was our way. Instead I moved closer to her, and rested my hand on her knee. She watched my hand as I crept further up her leg, but she didn’t stop me. Our eyes met as I slid a finger inside her, but she didn’t have the reaction I’d hoped for. She just looked unimpressed. I explored the whole area as best I could; she was slippery and hot, and I felt like a navigator without a compass. Kuina didn’t help, as she was mostly amused or confused as to what I was doing.

Until the moment she half gasped, half squealed, and I honestly thought I’d hurt her. When I pulled away, she grabbed my wrist hard and pulled me back. 

‘Don’t you fucking dare,’ she hissed, and I guessed whatever I’d done, it was good. It took me a while to figure out where that sweet spot was, but once I did, I didn’t deviate. I put more effort into it than I ever had at my algebra homework, and found the end result infinitely more satisfying. Clearly we were very different; it took maybe half an hour of careful wiggling and fiddling to leave Kuina trembling, and I’d managed to embarrassingly join her just by spectating.

‘Zoro, watch where you’re pointing that thing,’ she said lazily.

‘Sorry. You’re so fucking hot, so it’s kind of your fault.’

‘Whatever… Ew! Don’t do that!’ She stared at me aghast as I sucked my fingers clean. She tasted kind of salty and musky, and it wasn’t unpleasant.

‘So… was it gross?’ she asked, not quite looking at me. I immediately started grinning, and she read my mind just as quickly. ‘If you make any joke about that KFC slogan, I will punch you in the balls.’

Busted. Instead, I leant close to her and kissed her. Almost as soon as our lips touched, I realised I’d never kissed a girl before and I had no idea what I was doing. She jumped back suddenly.

‘What are you doing?’

‘Kissing you. Is that okay?’ I acted as though it should be the most normal thing in the world, but part of me was anxious about how she’d react. At times, I felt like I knew her better than myself, and that she was a stranger simultaneously.

She blushed adorably and looked down at the rock we were sitting. ‘I mean, it’s a bit sudden.’

‘Sudden? We’ve touched each other's junk already! How can a bit of kissing be sudden? I call bullshit.’ With that, I teased my fingers into the hair at the nape of her neck and carefully kissed her again. It didn’t seem that hard, and I found a natural rhythm very quickly. Kuina hesitated slightly, and I rested my head against hers, holding her tightly.

‘Don’t run away from me,’ I begged, feeling temporarily powerless in her presence. When she eventually kissed me back, it felt like a duel. One I was happy to lose. 

* * *

We soon reached the lake and set ourselves up at the shoreline. It was amazingly quiet in this secluded area; I felt clumsy and noisy just opening up the fold up chairs. Sanji was showing Tony how to spool line onto a fishing rod, but everyone else seemed to have done it before. I’d fished a number of times myself, and it was one of the few things I didn’t do with Kuina. She always found it boring, but was happy to help me eat my catch.

I was amazed that Luffy could sit still enough to catch anything, and it turned out that he just never did. He’d frequently leave his rod and wander off to grab beer, or go bug hunting, or climb a tree trying to spot some interesting bird that would always hear him coming. One time he got a bite, it pulled his rod into the lake and he had to run in after it. He was not a strong swimmer, and I ended up having to dive in and pull him out.

‘Thanks, Zoro,’ he managed between coughs. I slapped him between the shoulder blades harder than he probably needed. At least it was warm enough to dry off quickly; the sun was blazing overhead and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky.

Usopp was suggesting spots to cast off into, and they were so ridiculous I couldn’t believe anyone was taking him seriously.

‘Sanji, try there.’

‘Where?’

‘That spot between the rocks. I saw something move.’

‘Seriously? That’s miles away?’

‘Can you get that far?’

‘Of course I can, but I doubt you saw-’

‘Trust me.’

Sanji shrugged, but cast his line where Usopp was pointing at. Within minutes, he got a bite.

‘I take it back,’ he replied, as he reeled in his catch. It was a big one; I’ve no idea what species it was, but Sanji seemed pleased and started packing it in ice.

‘One for the restaurant, I think.’

‘Aww, can’t we eat it? It looks yummy!’

We got quite the catch between us during the morning; apparently there were trout, carp, perch, pike and even a couple of eels. I was surprised Sanji kept them, as I hadn’t seen people eat much eel over here.

‘These guys are going on the specials board,’ he announced proudly. ‘I haven’t made _Matelote d'Anguille_ in ages.’

At lunchtime, we drank beer while Sanji cooked up some of our catch. To be honest, for an outdoor campfire cookout, we ate like kings. There was some kind of fish stew with mushrooms - I saw Sanji double-checking a few nearby contenders with Tony. He also managed to create a makeshift smokehouse with an old cooking pot; I don’t know what kind of magic went on in that thing, but I had never eaten perch like it before.

‘This is amazing, Sanji - where did you learn about this dish?’ Luffy asked between mouthfuls of some grilled fish.

‘Spain,’ he replied. ‘Northern Spain, to be exact. Southern Spain had more North African influences.’

Luffy nudged me. ‘Sanji went travelling for a year and worked in restaurants around the world. It sounds so cool! Where did you go again? France?’

‘Elegant beautiful women,’ Sanji replied dreamily.

‘Spain?’

‘Passionate beautiful women.’

‘England?’

‘Sarcastic beautiful women.’

‘Wait, you went to England to learn how to cook?’ Usopp burst out laughing.

‘Laugh it up; it’s got a bad reputation, but some amazing local dishes. Plus, my first love resides there; how could I not make pilgrimage?’ Sanji sighed heavily. ‘Oh, Nigella. You evaded my aching heart, but one day…’

‘Who? Is that a girlfriend, Sanji?’ Tony asked, happily slurping down some stew.

Luffy laughed. ‘Nah, she’s some TV cook.’

‘How dare you.’ Sanji glared at Luffy with an intense fury that naturally bounced off him as though he were Teflon coated against it. ‘Some TV cook… She awoke my heart at the tender age of ten. Such beauty! Such knowledge! Such a sensuous enjoyment of food!’

‘Think she awoke some parts a bit further south, too,’ Usopp quipped, and Sanji didn’t exactly argue.

‘She stoked my imagination, and I poured all of my teenage lust into her comely visage,’ he sighed, which I think meant he used to jerk off to her. I’m honestly not sure, and didn’t care enough to ask.

Turned out he’d also spent some time in my home country.

‘Demure beautiful women,’ he pined. Clearly, he’d never met Kuina.

Tony looked amazed and horrified. ‘How many girls did you date?’

‘A gentleman never tells,’ Sanji replied. ‘When the heart is struck by Cupid’s bow, you can’t help but be a slave to its wants. Though I admit, Japan was strange. I was working with this British guy, and we got a lot of attention purely because of our ethnicity. He kept trying to turn it into a competition.’ He seemed to find the notion distasteful.

‘So, you made a friend?’ Tony’s naivety was somewhere between heartwarming and frustrating.

‘Hardly; we had a fight over a wonderful woman. I won the fight, but Cavendish won her heart.’ He shrugged. ‘Such is life. To tell you the truth, I think he loved himself more than he’d love any woman.’

How I kept a straight face, I have no idea.

Luffy took another bite of his food, and judging from the cheeky look on his face, he was gearing up for something. ‘What happened in Thailand, Sanji?’ he asked suddenly.

Sanji turned quite pale. ‘Nothing that concerns you.’

‘Oh, come on! Please? I want to know!’

‘I want to serve Nigella Lawson breakfast in my bed, but we don’t always get what we want.’ Sanji was adamant.

‘He never talks about Thailand,’ Luffy explained. ‘So whatever happened must have been really interesting!’

‘New marinades and cooking techniques,’ he answered curtly. ‘Now who wants more stew?’

The conversation tailed off a bit, until Luffy kept nudging Usopp, who kept nudging him back. They’d then both stare at Tony, who looked terrified and tried to hide behind the nearest tree. This kept up for a while until Usopp eventually took a deep breath and asked the question they had all been egging each other on to ask in the first place.

‘What happened with Nami?’ Usopp sounded more anxious than I’d ever heard him sound before.

Sanji became very still for a moment, and I saw everyone sort of hold their breath as though bracing themselves for however he was going to react. I was torn between expecting weepy histrionics or possibly indignant rage. We got neither. Instead, he simply sighed despondently.

‘I don’t know,’ he replied quietly, sitting down on the ground with his head hung like a beaten dog. ‘Everything was going perfectly. We were getting on great; she wasn’t just beautiful, she was clever and funny. She liked to challenge me. I could feel her warm to me with every encounter, and I her. We spent time together every day since the moment we met. Then she stopped, and I have no idea why.’

‘Did you ask her?’ Tony’s expression was one of deep sympathy.

‘No, I just paced my apartment trying to guess, _imbécile._ ’ He must have noticed his sarcasm was utterly lost on poor Tony, as he expanded on this. ‘Of course I tried. I phoned her, left her messages, but she didn’t reply. Last thing I did was leave her a letter at her apartment. I’ve heard nothing.’

‘Well that’s dumb,’ Luffy declared. ‘Just go round and make her talk to you! If you don’t know what you did, then you can’t put it right.’

Usopp made a low whistling noise. ‘Yeah, but Nami is crazy.’

‘Don’t you dare say such things about her!’ Luffy had to hold Sanji back as he raged. I was starting to think Bonney might be right; they were just the right kind of crazy for each other.

Sanji eventually calmed down. ‘As men, we have to pay attention to the quiet no.’ For some reason, he was looking at me as he said this. ‘Women may not tell us no directly, but they show it. They might duck a kiss, or ignore our attempts at conversation, or just sidle away. There’s a whole host of ways a woman says no that doesn’t involve saying the word no. As men, we must listen. When a woman ignores your calls, messages and letters, that’s a no. I listen.’

‘That’s insane! How are we meant to work that out?’ 

‘Whoa, I didn’t realise I’d need to learn another language!’ Luffy seemed to find the whole concept fascinating.

‘It’s not difficult, Luffy. You know those social cues you always ignore when people want you to stop asking about something, or don’t want to do something with you?’

‘Yeah.’ Luffy was openly picking his teeth clean with a stick as he said this.

‘It’s that.’

‘Yeah, but I ignore it because they don’t really mean it,’ Luffy insisted. ‘I bet Nami didn’t really mean it, either. Nami would just punch you. She’s got a strong right hook,’ he added with a laugh. ‘She probably just wants you to grovel or something. I know you don’t know what you did, but I don’t think it really matters with her.’

‘It definitely doesn’t matter with her.’ Usopp seemed to have been a little scarred from the few days he spent with Nami on his arm.

‘No; I won’t make a woman uncomfortable like that. Ever since Thailand, I-’ He stopped speaking as Luffy, Usopp and Tony stared at him expectantly.

‘Know this; we must forgive a women her evasions, dry her tears, and know when to walk away,’ he said firmly, giving me one last meaningful look that I didn’t understand.

‘Wow.’ Tony looked as though he had just received wisdom from a bearded wise man on the top of a mountain, rather than inane ramblings from a sleazy man at the riverside with designer stubble.

‘But still; I miss her. I… I can’t bring myself to wash my bedsheets, as they still smell of her.’

‘That’s disgusting,’ I said, knowing full well I’d kept Kuina’s unwashed t-shirts under my pillow for three months until Koshiro took pity on me and started boxing her stuff up with or without my consent.

‘You move fast.’ I sensed some judgement in Usopp’s voice.

‘Do I? She shared my bed, that is true. What happened there, I don’t believe I divulged.’ I sensed some serious challenge in Sanji’s voice.

‘I can’t believe you went on so many dates and she’s just ghosted you,’ Luffy said neutrally, and I think he was trying to diffuse the situation. ‘How do you even find the time? The restaurant’s open every day!’

Sanji shrugged. ‘It’s been going long enough I can leave the guys in charge now and then. Anyway, you just work around it. Go out in the day. You can do coffee dates, picnics in the park, museum trips - I took her round here once, there’s a good swimming spot further up the river. Sometimes she’d come round after work and we’d just talk.’

I was starting to feel kind of bad for the guy - he put way more effort into this than I ever did with Kuina. Then I wondered what might have happened if I’d just bitten the bullet and tried to sweep her off her feet? Boy, did I sink into that quicksand fast. Maybe she wouldn’t have kept pushing me away? Maybe she’d have said yes?

Maybe she’d still be here.

I didn’t even notice Sanji sit quietly next to me after taking my empty bowl to wash up.

‘Soft no, Zoro,’ he said in a gentle voice. ‘Do yourself a favour. There are plenty of girls out there.’

‘What the fuck are you talking about?’

‘You know.’

‘No, I don’t. And you’re wrong.’

‘Huh?’

‘There aren’t plenty of girls out there. Not ones that matter.’

He looked deeply concerned when I said that, but I didn’t feel like explaining myself any further. Everyone else went back to their competitive fishing, but I couldn’t shake the concerned glances Sanji kept sending my way.

* * *

On the way back, the mood in the SUV was content. Tony was softly snoring in the back. Luffy and Usopp were loudly snoring in the back. Sanji had his depressing playlist on, and I said nothing as it fitted my mood.

‘You’re hurting, aren’t you?’ Sanji said without turning to look at me. ‘I thought you were just an arrogant prick with an Alpha complex, but your heart beats wildly under there, huh?’

Me? _Me?_ Only one person in this car is an arrogant prick with an Alpha complex, and he had the fucking wheel.

‘Hey, I don’t recall picking over your past. So how about you leave mine the fuck alone?’

‘Not trying to start a fight here, though I wouldn’t be against doing that again.’ He laughed gently. ‘But I’d be an asshole if I didn’t…’ He exhaled loudly. ‘Look, the Lieutenant. The cute one. I don’t know what’s going on, I just know you’re wading into dangerous waters there.’

‘How’s that leaving me the fuck alone idea working out for you?’

‘Listen, you prick, I’m trying to give you some advice here!’

‘Maybe I don’t want to hear it.’

For a brief moment I thought he was going to slam the breaks on. Instead, he jabbed me square in the chest while taking the corner.

‘Tough. You’re in my car, and you’re going to fucking listen. Whatever you’re doing, stop it. You’re making her uncomfortable. The kind of uncomfortable someone might do something about.’

I laughed. ‘Fight me.’ I really don’t know why I reacted that way. Maybe I really did just want to fight somebody right then. It beat kicking my own ass.

We were on a straight, and he turned briefly to fix me with an intense look. ‘If it comes to it, Zoro, I will. And it’ll be for your own good.’

So, yeah. If anyone’s reading this, that asshole chef threatened me. So, if he’s dead, know it was in self-defence.

As we pulled into town, Sanji suddenly slowed down.

‘Oi, Zoro - it’s that guy again. The one that was with Nami.’

‘Stop being so melodram-’ He was right. He was taking pictures. That in itself wasn’t weird, but he was taking pictures of some random street. There was nothing of interest here.

‘He’s taking pictures of Nami’s place. Why the fuck is he doing that?’ Sanji had gone pale again. My immediate thought was damn, she had a nice apartment. I guess those two businesses she was running were making some serious cash.

He slowed down further to a crawl, and grabbed my phone.

‘How do you take photos on this thing?’ I noticed him react to the screensaver on my phone, though he said nothing.

I grabbed it off him. ‘Leave it to me,’ I said, and snapped a number of clear shots of that guy’s shady photography outing.

‘We should probably add it to the spiking report,’ Sanji said.

‘I’ll do it. I do the coffee run to the cops anyway.’

‘You should give that to Kaya,’ he replied.

‘Fuck you.’

We’d reached the garage by that point, so Sanji simply stopped the car and grabbed me by my t-shirt.

‘I am fucking serious! You are treading on very thin ice!’

‘What? You got a hard-on for Tashigi, too?’

‘This has nothing to do with me, this is about you and your-’

‘We’re back already!’ Luffy half yelled, half yawned as he stretched his limbs out and nearly smacked Usopp and Tony in the faces as he did so. Our body language must have been obvious, as Tony tried to hide, while Luffy stared at us both.

‘What’s the matter with you two? You look like you’re going to kick each other’s asses!’

I swear I heard Usopp mutter, ‘They should just fuck and get it out of their systems,’ but I didn’t feel like challenging him.

‘It’s nothing,’ I said. ‘Just a misunderstanding.’

Sanji gave me one last warning look before he got out of the car. ‘A misunderstanding one of us has,’ he said.

‘You should let Nami know,’ I said, changing the subject. 

‘I think maybe you should,’ he replied, and I felt bad for him all over again. This wasn’t what I signed up for. I have my own shit to deal with. Nevertheless, I agreed. Nami needed to know, and so did the cops. Who knows what that creep was planning?


	11. 4th August

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoro becomes increasingly anxious as the milestone approaches, while Sanji and Nami finally talk - whether they want to or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning - There is some transsexual discussion in this chapter that is hopefully not offensive, but wanted to let people know.
> 
> Also, hover over for those sweet translations...

4th August  
Mood: Shame. Shamey shame shame. Also painfully amused. But shame.  
Number of murderous thoughts: 2  
Number of murderous thoughts about Sanji: 1  
Number of murderous thoughts about myself: 1  
Number of guilty masturbation sessions: Doesn’t matter anymore.  
Number of Kuina dreams: 0

I’ve felt lower than low these past few days. The worst. The most awful creature… it’s not even been a year yet! Though I know that day is coming.

I haven’t dreamt of Kuina. Not for a week. I kept having shamefully hot dreams about Tashigi and Vivi; sometimes alone, sometimes together, always leaving my boxer shorts a mess like I’m fourteen all over again. Kuina hasn’t popped up even once. Sure, I think of her, but that’s on purpose. My subconscious seems to be done with her, and it feels like the worst betrayal of her memory. I’ve been haunted by those dreams, and now they’re gone, I’d do anything to get them back.

* * *

Sanji was one of our first customers today, and Kaya seemed bizarrely excited by this fact.

‘Oh, good - it worked!’ she whispered to me.

‘What worked, and why should I care?’

She simply laughed. ‘You’ll see.’

He was on his phone, and I caught the tail end of his side of the conversation. ‘I know… You don’t understand, it’s not that… Well, actually it’s kind of worse… Look, just give me a few days… Alright, two then. Just let us try and get through to him… He’s not who you think he is, he’s just… Damn it, where was the guy who understood my pain, huh? Please, give me this… And you never let me forget it.’ 

He ended his call just as Nami entered the shop. She stared at Sanji as though he were a very unwanted ghost.

‘Did you put Franky up to this?’ She was instantly suspicious.

‘Bonney asked me to meet her…’ He at least managed a smile. ‘I see. You might as well take a seat, then. They went to all this trouble.’

‘I don’t want to talk to you!’ She seemed close to tears, and she remained standing.

‘You’re here now, Nami. Let me get you a coffee and you can tell me why. I’d like to know what I did to hurt you. I’d like to put it right and make sure I never do it again.’ He had the air of serenity, but I’d seen enough of him to know he was actually quite nervous. He kept fiddling with his cigarette packet and his teeth were kind of on edge.

She laughed. ‘You cheated on me! Pretty fucking straightforward, don’t you think?’

Sanji looked as though he had been slapped. ‘Nami? I have never, ever cheated on you. I never would - I’d never do that to anyone!’

‘Oh really? Tell that to Violet, or Bonney, or your fucking STD clinic!’

I know it makes me an asshole, but this was better than a soap opera. 

‘I have to go out,’ I whispered to Kaya, ‘shall I get some popcorn?’

‘Don’t be so mean!’ she hissed back, but I could see her lips twitching as she tried to bite back a giggle. It didn’t last long. ‘I really hope he’s not a dick,’ she whispered to me. ‘It’s been heartbreaking living with her. I’ve never seen her like this over anyone.’

‘He’s a dick,’ I said flatly. ‘But... I don’t think he’s that kind of a dick.’

I swear, neither of us have done our duties as quietly as we did today, desperate to listen into their conversation. Between the two of us, we got the jist of everything that happened.

Kaya took over Nami’s coffee as she sat in front of Sanji, her arms folded. Everything about her body language screamed defence.

‘So. You want to talk? Then talk,’ she said frostily.

‘Okay. Who do you think I was cheating on you with? Full disclosure, I was seeing Bonney for a bit, but that was before we met. The moment I met you, that ended.’

‘How convenient.’

Sanji sighed heavily. ‘I made the decision to romance you, so I ended our affair before I contacted you again. Bonney and I go way back. Every time we’re both single, I try and make it work. It never does. But we stay friends. She knows about you, and she got me here, so she obviously likes you - and she’s never liked any of my girlfriends before.’

‘I don’t know if I should be flattered or offended. Anyway, this was Violet. I saw the letter she sent to you, about how well Rebecca was doing at her new school, and how much she loved you. Made it sound like Rebecca was your child.’

Sanji chuckled at this, which was probably not the correct response. ‘Rebecca is not my child, and that letter was written six years ago.’ Sanji said quietly, staring into his coffee. This startled Nami, but not for long.

‘So what was it doing on your bedside table?’

‘Because I’d only received it that night… look, Nami. This is a long story. I’m happy to share it, but maybe you want to get the STD tests out of the way first?’ He looked tired, there was no other word to describe it. ‘I get myself checked between lovers, sometimes more if… if circumstances suggest I should. I went travelling three years ago, and I had a few flings. That’s all. What I don’t understand is where you found those papers - I didn’t even know where those results were.’

This time, it was Nami’s turn to look sheepish. ‘It took me ten minutes to turn your bedroom over,’ she admitted.

‘Wow. That’s… That’s impressive.’ Sanji didn’t look anywhere near as angry as he should have done, in my opinion. Instead he looked adoringly at her.

‘Oi! She just went through all your stuff! Aren’t you at least a bit pissed off?’

‘Butt out, Zoro!’ they both shouted simultaneously.

‘I’m just saying-’

‘Well, don’t!’ Nami was glaring daggers at me. 

‘Just leave it, Zoro,’ Kaya hissed.

Sanji took her hand in his and looked at her intently.

‘I understand. It’s a woman’s prerogative to make herself feel secure. I’ll give you anything you need to know,’ he said earnestly. I briefly considered suggesting Nami ask him about Thailand, but even I’m not that much of a dick.

‘Oh my God, Zoro. Stop laughing!’ Kaya hissed.

‘Sorry. Was thinking about something else.’ I maintain it would have been really fucking funny, though.

Nami hung her head slightly, and I saw her squeeze his hand. ‘I’m sorry, Sanji,’ she said. ‘I just… I’ve had some bad experiences in the past. I was seriously betrayed when I was younger, and it went on for a long time. It wasn’t sexual,’ she insisted, when Sanji looked ready to murder whoever was responsible for her unhappiness. ‘But if I’m honest with myself, it left some scars. I don’t trust people, like, at all. Luffy’s the first person over here I ever dared trust with my friendship, and that took years. But I started to trust you all too easily.’ She looked away, and I could see she was fighting tears. She took a sip of coffee and composed herself. ‘So. Violet.’

‘Yes.’ He took a sip of coffee, and appeared to be deliberating over what to say. ‘Backstory; my old man was kind of a big deal criminal. He adopted me when I was nine, and put all that behind him - he’s been straight for years, and that’s all I’m going to say about that.’ 

I noticed he tapped his cigarette packet against the table a few times before he continued. 

‘When I was fifteen, his past came back to haunt him, in the form of the Don Quixote family. They were rivals before I was on the scene, and he had pissed off their head man. He wanted revenge, and they went through me. Sent his step-daughter to seduce me, I guess, and pin a big drug smuggling operation on my dad. Didn’t go to plan.’ He reflexively went to light a cigarette, then realised where he was and stopped. He stared into his coffee as he spoke.

‘We fell in love. She told me everything, and she was so frightened, Nami. He… Let’s just say he was the worst kind of step-father a woman could suffer. We ended up running away on my sixteenth birthday; I was desperate to get her away from that… that monster. She was my first love, my first… everything. I gave my virginity to her, happily. But we were caught. She was arrested, I was heartbroken. And angry.’

‘Wait, what was she arrested for? I thought she didn’t go through with the drug thing?’

‘She didn’t.’ Sanji shrugged. ‘I don’t know the technical charge, but basically sex with a minor and the usual crap that tries to make a mockery of our relationship.’

Nami’s eyes narrowed. ‘How old was she?’

‘Twenty three, at the time.’

I nearly dropped the coffee cup I was wiping clean. I wasn’t sure what amazed me more, that he had such a boner for older women, or that older women appeared to have such a boner for him.

‘Jesus, Sanji. That wasn’t-’

‘Don’t say it. Everyone said it, and they were wrong. It was love.’ He gripped his coffee cup a little too tightly. ‘I get it now, with time, about Kalifa. But this was different.’

‘Hold on. You were student X?’ Nami appeared floored - and, if I’m honest, a little envious. Sanji simply nodded.

‘It was during my ‘phase’ I had back then.’ He made quotation marks with his fingers. ‘I was so angry about how Violet was treated, and how the rest of her family were swanning around like they owned the place. I did a lot of things back then that I’m not proud of. I don’t regret a single one of them, but I’m not proud. I caused the Don Quixotes a lot of trouble. They tried to set fire to Dad’s restaurant, I beat the perpetrator unconscious. I took the fight to them, got arrested so many times. I met Bonney during that time, too. She tried to talk sense into me. Kalifa didn’t. She pitted me against her husband, and I don’t think she expected me to win.’

I’d be lying if I said Nami didn’t look concerned at these revelations. She said nothing, and Sanji continued.

‘It was the Captain that turned things around for me. He actually wanted to clear out the Don Quixotes, nobody else in the department here had cared. So, he cut me a deal. I gave him my evidence I’d been gathering and I spoke up on the stand, he’d get Violet and Rebecca - that’s her niece - into witness protection. We both kept our side of the bargain.’ 

‘That’s an interesting plea bargain,’ Nami mused. Sanji merely nodded.

‘He offered to kill my record first. Told him to shove it; kill Violet’s or I wasn’t interested. I think that’s when he realised I was serious about her. That night you and Zoro were drugged up at my place? He dropped off all the correspondence she had sent to me. Apparently because of the whole ‘sexual offences’ bullshit, they couldn’t legally pass it on until I was twenty-one; factor in the usual bureaucratic delays, and here we are. I’m allowed to write one letter back to her, and then that’s it. As though she never existed.’ 

He took a deep breath, and I could have sworn his hand started to shake. ‘So, that’s it, Nami. That’s my story. I’ve got some baggage, and if you don’t want to deal with that, I understand. I have _un cœur d'artichaut_ , I cannot deny. But I meant every word I said to you, Nami. I don’t lie to women. These past couple of weeks have been torture; I’ve missed you so much. But I’ve been tortured by love before. I can cope.’

‘Shit, Sanji.’ Nami looked shaken. ‘I… I don’t know what to say.’ She looked down at the floor momentarily. ‘So, you kept that dress? All this time?’

Sanji appeared horrified for a moment. ‘Ah. That.’

‘You were lying to me, I know that much.’

‘I was, but it’s not because…’ He looked at her, and I’m sure I saw him weighing up whether he should tell her the truth. Eventually, he did. I am so grateful to him, and to Nami’s allure, because it was fucking gold.

‘The dress? It’s mine.’

Nami looked at him in amazement. ‘Context. So much context, please.’

‘I was working in Thailand for a few months, in a renowned kitchen. Nothing out of the ordinary; I learned a lot there. I also learned a few things I maybe could have done without.’ He laughed nervously. ‘There was a ‘special interest’ club across the road. The, um, ladies used to come over for their meal breaks-’

‘When you say special interest?’

‘Transsexual hosts. Hostesses. It was a thing; they did good business, and it was all above board. They had a difficult customer and were a woman down. They were desperate, and the owner knew I was very good at being a prick when I needed to be.’ He turned bright red as he explained this.

‘No. Way.’

‘Gets better. Turns out the difficult customer had a thing for pricks, in every sense of the word. The worse I treated him, the more he liked it. Offered me a stupid amount of money for a night alone, which was risky to say the least. It was most certainly not that kind of establishment.’

‘Did you take him up on it?’

‘Of course not! Do I look like a whore?’ I’m not sure if Sanji was offended more by the idea he would sell his body, or sell his body to a man. ‘I said as much to this Admiral guy. Didn’t think anything of it, except he left me a letter before he went out on leave. Seemed quite upset that he might have offended me. Offered to invest in my restaurant by way of apology, and said if I ever needed a favour, I was good for one. No idea why. The ladies in the club were torn between thinking it was a bribe so I didn’t out him, or that he was simply heart sick. So, that was an experience I never want to repeat, but I didn’t have to take a business loan out when I started Galipettes, so there’s that.’

Nami stared at him for a moment, then burst out laughing.

‘You are kidding! That’s amazing! Do you have pictures?’

‘ _Baise moi_ ,’ he muttered, but he fiddled with his phone. ‘Promise to tell nobody.’

‘I promise,’ Nami said eagerly, though I was pretty convinced her promises were meaningless. She peered at his phone. ‘You didn’t even shave?’

‘No, I didn’t shave! I wasn’t making a career change! It was a few nights!’

‘You know, I think you’d pass if you had. A bit,’ she commented. ‘You make a good woman.’

He looked so embarrassed, I almost felt sorry for him. Love hurts, and all that.

‘That doesn’t bother me,’ Nami insisted. ‘On the contrary; I admire your gumption. And your hips.’ She started laughing again.

He clearly used this as a segue out of the whole conversation. ‘So, you’ll say yes when I ask if you want to go dancing tonight? The Fioretti Bar are doing salsa classes, it looks fun.’ He smiled shyly, and if Nami wasn’t moved, Kaya definitely was.

‘He’s such a sweetheart! Oh my God, I am so relieved,’ she whispered to me as we both pretended to service the coffee machine when in reality we were shamelessly eavesdropping.

‘Yeah, but she’s crazy,’ I reminded her.

Kaya shrugged. ‘You’ve been listening to Usopp too much. She just knows what she wants, and gets it. I think she’s pretty cool.’

I tried to wrap my head around the idea of Kaya defending her current boyfriend’s ex against him, and gave up. The more I saw of these people, the more I wondered about me and Kuina. I thought we were normal, and now… now I’m not so sure. Maybe there’s no such thing?

‘I want us to slow things down,’ Nami said, and given Sanji didn’t look shocked, they must have been talking about this beforehand. ‘I like you - I really like you - but, wow. You’re intense. I’m not complaining,’ she insisted. ‘Truth be told, I thought you were playing me at first. Took me a while to realise you were genuine. So I get it, I promise. But I got so swept up in this…’

Sanji nodded, and I noticed they were now both holding hands across the table. ‘We can go at whatever speed you want,’ he said, looking her straight in the eye. ‘You’re right, I am, and I make no apologies for that. I don’t see the point in playing games; I saw you, I thought you were beautiful and I liked your sass. So I wanted to sweep you off your feet, and see if we could be something more. If we didn’t, I’d be sad, but we’d have fun figuring it out. If we did... well, I’m hoping that’s still a work in progress.’ He kissed her hand and fuck me, I think I’d have gone on that date with him if he’d asked. 

Kaya had to go and hide in the store cupboard when I voiced that particular thought. I could hear her cry-laughing even after she shut the door.

Turns out I would make a bit of a slutty girl, because Nami still wasn’t completely convinced.

‘You talk very prettily, Sanji,’ she said with a smile. ‘But you have a lot of practice.’ 

Sanji held his hands out in surrender. ‘I will never deny I notice beautiful women. The world is full of beauty, and I am a man that appreciates it. I promise you, _mon ange_ ; I have a roving eye, but a loyal heart. If I’m with you, I’m with only you.’

Nami responded by leaning over the table and kissing him gently on the lips. I saw Kaya quickly snap a picture and start messaging on her phone, apparently now willing to leave her hiding place.

‘What are you doing?’ I whispered.

‘Vivi needs to know,’ she replied, and I think I blushed just from hearing her name.

‘Then yes, I’d like you go dancing with you tonight,’ she said, and Sanji looked delighted.

‘Great! I’ll pick you up at seven? It’s a quiet night, so the guys will be fine without me.’

‘Sure,’ she replied, as they both stood up. She appeared thoughtful.

‘Everything okay, _ma minette?_ ’

Oh God, I’d forgotten about the nicknames. I almost preferred him miserable.

‘I know that whole Kalifa thing was messed up, but I have to admit… I’m a little jealous,’ she said with a small smile.

Sanji’s ears seemingly pricked up. ‘Feeling the need to fight for me?’ he teased.

‘Oh, I meant I was jealous of you,’ she replied, clearly enjoying the way he turned bright red and was lost for words. She adjusted his tie, and walked away.

‘See you at seven,’ she called, before exiting the shop.

Kaya was watching, and shaking her head. ‘Damn. What I wouldn’t give to have just a tenth of her guts,’ she commented.

Sanji just stared at the doorway, as though taking in her perfume trail. ‘ _Et c'était le coup de foudre_ ,’ he said to himself, before leaving.

‘Has he gone?’ I asked Kaya. She nodded.

‘Yep. Just us two now, in this romantically charged atmosphere. Who knows what could happen under the gleam of the coffee press,’ she joked.

I took the opportunity to let out the laughter that had threatened to consume me since Sanji’s Thailand revelation. I couldn’t breathe, I was so helpless; for the first time I truly understood that weird phrase about feeling as though your sides might split. 

After ten minutes of this, Kaya nearly phoned for an ambulance. She kept checking my pulse and making me breathe into paper bags.

I so badly wanted to tell Luffy. Or Usopp. Or Vivi. Frankly, I desperately wanted to tell anyone who walked into the coffee shop, whether they knew Sanji or not. I restrained myself.

* * *

When Kaya’s shift was over (I had a double today), Nami and Vivi joined her at the coffee shop to gossip for a full three hours about what had gone on with Sanji. I didn’t listen too heavily to their recap - I was there, after all - but I couldn’t ignore the girlish sighs and squeals that kept surfacing every so often.

‘So, you’re back on, then?’ Vivi asked. Nami nodded happily. I noticed she didn’t tell them about Sanji’s cross-dressing phase in Thailand. She had more restraint than I would have. Kaya was clearly dying to bring it up, though she too kept quiet and pretended she knew nothing. I knew she only wanted to see the pictures, anyway.

‘I like his philosophy,’ Nami said. ‘Guys here seem so… I don’t know. Like you’re a vending machine, and if they put in enough nice coins, they get to pick a prize. My sister always complains that guys back home leave you to make the effort, which also sounds a bit lame. He’s more, he’s set his sights on me, he’ll invest everything he can, and the end game is whatever I want.’ She sighed dreamily.

‘Sounds a bit like you’re prey, but whatever works for you.’ Kaya didn’t sound judgemental, she just seemed to be expressing a personal preference.

‘Oh, no. I’m very much in control. That’s what I like about it. That and the whole being wooed thing.’

‘So, you and Usopp have been dating for a while now.’ I got the sense Vivi was trying to prevent any possible conflict.

‘Yeah, it’s been really great.’

I zoned out at this, as Kaya’s constantly going on about how amazing Usopp is. She loves his dumb jokes, his dumb stories, and his dumb shooting skills. He came to the coffee shop one day and bothered her constantly with stupid tales of bullshit, which she laughed at to a degree I found baffling. I was ready to call him out on it, but then I found out that Kaya’s parents had died five years to that day, and I shut the fuck up. Turned out he was just being moral support, in his way. Guess it works for them, and who can argue with that?

‘What do you mean, you’re too shy? You weren’t shy around Zoro out at Galipettes.’ I tuned back into the conversation on hearing my name. Nami was apparently grilling a red-faced Vivi.

‘Oh, don’t. I’m so embarrassed!’ she moaned. ‘He must have thought I was such a… a floozy!’

Nami laughed. ‘You’re so cute, Vivi. But if he did? He doesn’t deserve you, or your flooziness. You were just flirty.’ Her eyes narrowed suddenly. ‘He didn’t say anything to you, did he? I’ll slap him silly for you if he did.’

‘No! He was really sweet. I forgot he worked here, otherwise I wouldn’t have come in the next day. He apologised, said, ‘Sorry, I was an asshole last night. You were lovely, I’m just… I’m kind of a mess right now.’ I didn’t pry, he looked uncomfortable enough telling me that. He wouldn’t let me pay for my coffee, said it was the least he could do. We had a nice chat. He looked at me a bit funny when I was sorting out my hair - is there a policy about that if you’re sitting too close to the counter?’

‘No, Zoro’s just a bit weird,’ Kaya said. 

Gee, thanks. I thought we were friends. 

‘I like him, though. He’s a funny guy, believe it or not. I usually have to hide in the store cupboard about once a week because he’s said something terrible and I can’t stop laughing in front of customers.’

Okay, cool. I’ve got your back, too.

Vivi was blushing to the roots of her hair, and I was trying desperately hard not to keep staring at her. ‘He’s so… damn it, he’s so sexy!’

Nami and Kaya started giggling. I started a litany in my head.

_Stop listening, walk away, find something else to do, don’t keep listening in on this, walk away, walk the fuck away._

Of course I stayed. I was going to clean up this one table all night if I had to.

‘Vivi! Shame on you!’ Nami teased. Vivi held her head in her hands.

‘Stop it! I feel enough shame as it is!’

‘It’s nothing to be ashamed of.’ Nami assured her. I don’t know, Nami. Take a look in my head and say that again with a straight face.

‘I really ought to stop those classes with him,’ she said. ‘I mean, he’s a great teacher. I learning loads. I just… He’s always sweaty and bare chested, and he smells really manly! The other day, he managed to spray himself with the water fountain, and he just casually chatted to me while mopping up the water that was dripping off his broad, muscular chest and those rippling abs. All I could think about was how much I wanted to be his towel - I must have looked like such an idiot! And when he pins me down with those large, calloused, but gentle hands!’ She sounded quite alarmed. ‘Every session I'm left soaked through to my gym pants!’

I didn’t really know what she meant by that - who doesn’t work up a sweat during intense physical exercise? - but Nami and Kaya were giggling.

‘That’s totally healthy, Vivi,’ Kaya assured her. ‘Just use panyliners. That’s what they’re for.’

‘Really?’

Nami wiped her eyes. ‘I think you’ve just met the man of your dreams,’ she teased.

‘Well, I wish he’d stop. He’s making a terrible mess of my bedsheets,’ Vivi grumbled, and the sudden understanding I reached was in no doubt related to me knocking over the entire table I had pretended to clear up and smashing a full tea set in the process.

‘You okay, Zoro?’ Kaya asked nonchalantly, while Vivi sunk deeper into her seat.

‘Fine. It’s just been a long day,’ I said cheerfully, though there was no way I could hide the blush I could feel burning my face. I briefly considered trying to make her feel better by telling her she wasn’t alone, then decided that would probably make her feel worse, if anything.

* * *

Our training session that night had to be one of the most awkward we’d ever had. I agonised over whether I should wear a shirt or not? If I didn’t, she’d feel weird, but if I did, she’d know I heard and would feel even weirder. I ended up keeping everything as I usually did, and she barely looked me in the eye. I was doing okay at being nice and professional; then the memories started. The worst possible memories I could bring up during this session.

_‘Let’s make it a game.’ Kuina handed me my sword; my real sword, not my wooden training one. ‘We duel. Properly. No armour, no blunt edges. We fight until one of us is down on the ground. If I win, you do all my cleaning and washing for the next month. All of it. Even all the awkward, annoying shit I keep putting off.’_

_‘What! No way.’_

_‘This is the big leagues, Zoro. The stakes are high.’_

_‘And what if I win?’ That rarely happened, but there was a chance._

_‘You get me.’_

_‘Huh?’_

_‘Me. One night. You can do anything you want to me, anything at all. No matter how fucked up it is, I won’t say no.’_

_‘That’s disgusting.’_

_‘Tell that to your cock,’ she sneered back, staring at my deceitful crotch._

_I paused. ‘What’s a night?’ I found myself asking. She frowned in thought for a moment._

_‘Eight hours. You can take it in chunks; if you fall asleep, that won’t count towards the total.’_

_Why was I doing this? ‘Fine. You asked for it.’_

I nearly threw Vivi across the room. Then I pinned her down, way too hard. The way Kuina could have handled; the way she would have liked. 

Vivi ended up bringing her knee right into my balls; as I was winded, she got my solar plexus good, and palmed my chin for good measure - if she’d hit me at her full strength, I’d have been out cold. Good girl, Vivi. Bad boy, Zoro - very bad boy.

She looked understandably shaken after this, so we called it a night. I apologised for going too far, but honestly? What the fuck did an apology even mean after that?

‘It’s okay,’ she insisted. ‘I need that kind of practice, right?’

I heard her crying in the changing rooms, and I wanted nothing more than to comfort her. My stupid awkwardness got in the way, and I didn’t. I offered to walk her home, but she politely refused. Of course she did.

I went home, sat on my bed and stared at Kuina’s shrine for two hours. It didn’t help. Then I realised it’s almost been a year. 

* * *

I woke up at four am again, after an intense dream. I’m too ashamed to write it down, which says something if you go back over the other ones I’ve apparently been okay to commit to paper. Long story short, it involved Vivi not fighting back the way she did in our session, but still crying afterwards. I’m disgusted with myself that my sheets are a predictable mess. I then woke Luffy up by yelling at my cock and threatening to cut it off if it kept misbehaving.

‘You okay, buddy?’

‘Fine.’

‘Okay. I’m just going to hide the knives. So, you know, if you need to make breakfast, come and wake me.’

In many ways, I have an extremely understanding roommate.


	12. 5th August

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoro's past catches up with him, and he finally confesses why he fled to this new city.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning - there's some blood and consensual violence in Zoro's love life. This probably makes it sound worse than it is, but a heads up nonetheless.
> 
> Hover over for the painstaking translations.

5th August  
Mood: Peeling a welded plaster off my soul.  
Number of murderous thoughts: 8  
Number of murderous thoughts about Sanji: 1  
Number of murderous thoughts about everyone else: 1 per person  
Number of times I sobbed like a baby: More than 3

I was ambushed today. Doesn’t really matter what else happened, to be honest. I was ambushed when I came back from closing the coffee shop to find everyone in the living room, apparently waiting for me.

‘Zoro,’ I’d never heard Luffy sound so serious, or so concerned. ‘We need to talk.’

When I say everyone, I don’t mean everyone in the city or anything like that. I mean Luffy, Usopp, Nami and Kaya. Vivi, too, which made me feel uneasy. That asshole cook was bringing out cups of tea.

To my amazement, Johnny and Yosaku were sat on our sofa, with a space between them clearly reserved for me. I know the team were still in this country, but I had no idea they’d travelled over here.

‘Brother? Are you okay?’ Johnny asked, though they both looked concerned.

I didn’t sit down. ‘What the fuck is going on?’

‘Sit the fuck down, Zoro.’ Sanji didn’t bother with careful sentiment. The look in his eyes told me he’d try to make me, and I didn’t fancy trashing the apartment, so I did as I was told. He handed me a cup of strong tea before leaning back against the door. I guess he was the gatekeeper.

‘I’m sorry, Zoro,’ he said quietly. ‘I thought… I thought you had a thing for Tashigi and were handling it staggeringly badly. I had no idea what was really going on, not until the other night.’ I was surprised to see deep pity in his expression. I hated it, and I hated him.

Johnny and Yosaku looked at each other, before Yosaku spoke. ‘We got here late the night before last, tired and hungry. We were trying to find a place to eat, but everywhere was closing up.’

‘Brother Sanji was kind enough to let us eat with his staff after hours,’ Johnny added. ‘That Massaman curry was amazing, by the way.’

They both looked at Zoro. ‘That’s when we saw her. Kuina, man. It was crazy.’

‘We were hosting a retirement event for the police department. Tashigi managed to get half a bottle of Merlot down her dress, and had just finished cleaning herself up,’ Sanji explained. ‘When I saw these two look at her the way they did, naturally I had questions.’ He walked over from his guard point at the door and put a hand on my shoulder, looking me square in the face.

‘Practicalities first, Zoro,’ he said sternly. ‘You have to leave Tashigi alone. The Captain wants a restraining order on you; he saw your screensaver, too. Was convinced you’d photoshopped it. That’s what I was trying to warn you about before.’

The screensaver on my phone has a picture I took of me and Kuina trying to get in the frame with the Statue of Liberty; it’s a terrible picture of me, but a lovely one of her. I was staggered. ‘Wait, why would he want a restraining order out on me?’

‘Because you’ve been stalking Tashigi for almost a month, you moron!’ he said through gritted teeth.

‘Bullshit! I haven’t been stalking her! I just took over their lunch delivery every day so I could see her sitting at her desk concentrating on stuff, and followed her at the dojo every night so I could see her… Oh.’ Well, fuck. I guess I could see how my stalking her made it look like I was stalking her. What the hell was I turning into?

‘Give up the delivery, change your training times. Give her a wide berth, it’ll blow over,’ Sanji assured me. ‘That must have… It must have been a head fuck. If any of us had known, I’m sure we’d have stopped you.’

‘Wait, you didn’t tell them?’ Yosaku looked incredulous. ‘Why would you not-’

‘Because I’ve been trying to get away from this, you idiot!’ I yelled, feeling guilty when I saw Vivi flinch slightly.

Johnny and Yosaku did no such thing. ‘You can’t run away from this, brother,’ Johnny insisted.

‘Who’s Kuina?’ Luffy asked. Everyone looked at me expectantly. I felt myself clam up; I could no sooner talk than I could cut my own arm off.

‘It’s okay, Mr Bushido. We just want to help,’ Vivi said softly. ‘We know she was very dear to you, and you must be hurting.’

I wanted to scream at her that she had no fucking idea, but I hated myself immediately for even thinking it. I looked up at her and saw nothing but kindness in her eyes; in everyone’s eyes. Without really wanting to, I started to talk. Once I started, I couldn’t stop. A dam had broken inside me and I could no longer plug it up. I didn’t share everything, not in the detail I’ve written here. But I shared enough. So, here it is. Me spilling my guts out, trying to make sense of it all.

* * *

I first met Kuina when I was ten years old. We were in training together, the best in our respective classes. Only she surpassed me, and I was both jealous and admired her. I used to seek her out in every sparring class. In the end, she found me irritating.

‘Why do you keep hassling me?’ she demanded one day.

‘Because I want to be the best,’ I insisted. ‘So I have to beat you.’

‘Why?’

‘Because you’re the best.’

Some of the other boys made fun of me for that, but if they couldn’t see how good she was, then they were destined for mediocrity. Most of them proved to be just that.

I think we started to become friends that day I found her lying in the grass, terrified and bleeding.

‘This isn’t happening. It. Is. Not. Happening!’

I got her back to her dorm room, helped clean her up and gave her a Kit Kat - I’d heard that was something you should do to cheer girls up. Guess it worked. Of course, the better we got at our sword skills, the more time we spent together, and the closer we grew. Once we started competing, we were inseparable. Always sat on the team bus together, always paired up for any excursions. As for the other things we did together, I’ve already written about those. They morphed into an endless dance of kissing and touching, of attraction and repulsion as Kuina swung wildly between the two, and I hung on happily lapping up whatever crumbs she threw my way.

I’ve yet to write about the big one. The big one, and the last one.

I was twenty, and we were in this country, but hundred of miles and hours away. The first half of competition season had finished, and we were all taking a well earned break before the next. We’d gone out in town, just the two of us, and found the only ramen place in existence. A dumb idea, looking for food from home in a foreign land, but it had been decent. Kuina got pissed off with me when I insisted on paying the bill, and I got pissed off with her for not letting me. Eventually, we got into such a heated argument that the owner refused to let either of us pay and just begged us to leave. 

‘I was just trying to be nice,’ I spat as we walked along the street, the cheerful sunset not matching our moods.

‘You were trying to act like my boyfriend,’ she spat back. ‘Which you’re not.’

‘Oh really?’ I don’t know why I kept winding her up about this. ‘We hang out all the time, we finish each other’s sentences, we send each other sexy text messages, we sneak into each others rooms to kiss. Oh yeah, and there’s that little thing where I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve had my fingers inside you.’

‘Keep your voice down!’ she hissed.

‘I doubt that cat cares.’

‘You are an insufferable little prick, Roronoa. You know that, right?’

Our argument ended a few blocks from our training camp, with me shoved up against a tree and Kuina’s tongue exploring my mouth. As far as I as concerned, every argument, every fight was worth it, for these few moments where she let go with me. I didn’t need some big realisation that I was in love with her. I just knew it. It didn’t matter when it had happened, it just had. Sometime between the age of fifteen and twenty, who’s counting?

We held hands as we walked back to the dormitories, except Kuina pulled me into the training gym.

‘What is it now?’ I asked wearily. It was about the time of night where she’d get some crazy idea about finding the nearest beach to go skinny dipping, or betting who could go the longest without sleep.

She’d already opened up the gym cabinets and grabbed our weapons.

‘Let’s make it a game.’ Kuina handed me my sword; my real sword, not my wooden training one. ‘We duel. Properly. No armour, no blunt edges. We fight until one of us is down on the ground, no best of three bullshit. If I win, you do all my cleaning and washing for the next month. All of it. Even all the awkward, annoying shit I keep putting off.’

‘What! No way.’

‘This is the big leagues, Roronoa. The stakes are high.’

‘And what if I win?’ That rarely happened, but there was a chance.

‘You get me.’

‘Huh?’

‘Me. One night. You can do anything you want to me, anything at all. No matter how fucked up it is, I won’t say no.’

‘That’s disgusting.’

‘Tell that to your cock,’ she sneered back, staring at my deceitful crotch.

I paused. ‘What’s a night?’ I found myself asking. She frowned in thought for a moment.

‘Eight hours. You can take it in chunks; if you fall asleep, that won’t count towards the total.’

Why was I doing this? ‘Fine. You asked for it.’

We prepared for our bout; I took off my shirt and started stretching, Kuina tied back her hair and started stretching. It didn’t take us long before we bowed, drew our swords, and began.

The problem with duelling with Kuina is that we knew each other so well. We knew each other’s moves before we made them, so our duels were always ninety percent the clang of steel against steel. Kuina had always been fast, so I’d work up a sweat just chasing her. I had got strong since puberty hurricaned through me, so she’d work up a sweat countering me.

The first blow was hers, scored with a multiple parry that disturbed my centre guard enough that she made contact with my skin. A small scratch, and I let it bleed out as we fought.

The second blow was mine, and it was a rather dirty move. I tried to bring her down by binding to her blade and sliding under to hit her throat, only I kind of missed and caught her bra underneath her t-shirt. I knew if I continued the manoeuvre that I’d rip them both in two; I took the play and it was the loudest tear I had ever heard in my life. 

‘You’ve wanted to do that for a long time,’ she taunted, unconcerned with her bared breasts. ‘But did you have to wreck my sports bra? Those things are expensive!’

‘Why should you be the only one that gets to look?’ I honestly hadn’t meant to do it, but I wasn’t complaining now I had. ‘I’ll buy you a new one.’

‘You’d better.’ She changed her guard. ‘Careful you don’t get distracted.’ She smacked me clean across the leg with the back of her blade; I moved just enough to avoid her hitting the weak spot on my knee that would have had me kissing the floor.

‘Thanks for the tip.’ I swung and clashed with her blade, forcing her out of her guard with my strength. She deftly shifted her weight and slid out of my attack range, forcing me to shift position.

We continued in this vein for what seemed like hours. The endless cut, thrust and parry of two people who knew every move the other would make. One of us would get an attack in, but the other would be able to counter it enough to keep the game moving. Then I managed to spank her ass with the flat of my sword as I dodged an upward thrust. She jumped a mile. I can’t deny I enjoyed it.

‘You’ll pay for that, Roronoa,’ she said, and I suppose, with hindsight, she came through on that promise.

She aimed, and I struck her with an oblique thrust, which she predictably countered. This allowed me to hit her across the forearms, pushing her down. I kicked her out of balance on her weak side to seal the deal. 

‘Guess I’m not on cleaning duty,’ I commented as she hit the mat. I couldn’t tell if she was angry or secretly pleased, her smile was the kind that could have meant either.

She stood up, and dropped her sword. ‘A deal’s a deal,’ she said, holding up her arms in surrender.

Now, I’ve always prided myself on my self-control. I’ve meditated daily since the age of thirteen so I can work out and train with no distractions. I’m not like that pervert cook, whose head is turned the minute a pretty girl walks by. I’m not a monk, but I’m in full control of my feelings.

That night, I realised I had been lying to myself. I was - I am - a fucking animal.

Kuina had barely finished speaking before I was ripping the rags of her t-shirt and bra from her body, kissing her desperately while I fumbled with her sweat pants. 

‘Lie down,’ I managed to gasp out breathlessly, between kisses. I was expecting sass, or a challenge from her. Instead she just silently obeyed. Something about that was deeply arousing to me. I pulled her sweat pants and panties from her ankles and threw them aside, before hastily taking off the remainder of my own clothes and adding them to the pile. I said nothing as I positioned myself on top of her and pinned her slender wrists behind her head with one hand. 

Not exactly sure what I should do with the prize I had beneath me, I started touching her, kissing her, in places and ways I’d fantasise about when I was taking care of myself. Well, almost everywhere. She froze up when my kisses got too close to the mass of hair between her thighs, and I didn’t like that. I liked her writhing and moaning the way she had before, so I left that alone - as much as I wanted a taste - and went back to all the other sweet spots I was finding along the way.

The moment she started bucking her hips against me was a moment of revelation. I realised what I really wanted from her, my ‘no matter how fucked up’ threshold.

‘Beg for it,’ I whispered into my ear.

‘You dirty bastard,’ she gasped back.

‘Tell me how much you want it,’ I hissed, nibbling her earlobe for good measure. I was surprised how much she liked that. When she told me, in great detail and with filthy language, I nearly came on the spot. I pushed her legs apart with one shaking hand, keeping her pinned with the other.

‘Okay, you asked for it.’ You know how in the movies they just seem to magically enter each other? Yeah, I kind of thought that would happen, and it killed the mood a bit as we both started laughing.

‘I think you need to guide it in a bit,’ Kuina said. ‘Do you need a hand?’ 

‘I like you restrained too much.’ The words were out of my mouth before I could stop myself. 

She smiled slyly at me. ‘Kinky.’

We figured it out after a short while, and I had to pull out almost as soon as I’d entered her.

‘What’s the matter?’

‘Fuck me, I think I was about to come,’ I gasped, and she shrieked with laughter. She soon stopped when I started touching those familiar points between her thighs, in the hope I could bring her as close as I was before we tried again.

That night, I realised I found the language of sex strange. It’s all about how the man penetrates the woman, the suggestion of his power and her passiveness. That was utter bullshit. I didn’t feel like I was penetrating, I felt as though I was enveloped. I could have no more exerted any will over the situation than I could have eaten my own head. My world was Kuina in those moments, and if she’d asked me to go outside and kill the first person I saw, I might well have done it.

The first time was quick for me, as much as I tried. As least I’d got Kuina so close beforehand that she followed pretty soon after. I felt her twitch around me, and it made me jump.

She was surprised that I was hard again almost as soon as I pulled out. ‘I thought you had to, you know, wait a while after?’

‘So did I.’

‘Let go of me this time,’ she said. ‘I want to touch you.’

The second time I lasted longer; I had an idea of how to slow things down, even though Kuina’s hands were all over me and it was too much. She was rough and possessive with me, she dug her short nails so deeply into my back I’m sure she drew blood. I bit her lip gently, and liked the way she gasped at that. The moment she came, she bit the space where my neck and shoulder met, and she bit down hard. I winced and exploded all at once, and I think I liked the pain. I saw blood on her lips when I pulled away.

The third time, she begged me to bite her the same way, and I did not need to be told. She tasted hot and salty with sweat; I had to cover her mouth with my hand to stifle her scream when I went too hard and broke the skin. The faint metallic taste that flooded my mouth was both gross and exciting.

‘Shit, sorry,’ I whispered.

‘Don’t be,’ she insisted. ‘I… I want you marking me.’

It was a weird thing to say, in retrospect, but I understood the heat of it and I felt the same. She was mine, I was hers, and I wanted the world to know. She sucked my fingers that were still close to her lips, and I forgot how to think all over again.

The fourth time, we were tangling our limbs together and I discovered I could get deeper if I put her legs over my shoulders. If I timed it just right, I was able to touch those sweet spots between her legs at the same time. Watching her unravel like that brought me over the edge completely.

The fifth time, she came first and I felt like a god.

The sixth time, I told her to go on top. We laughed when she pulled my face between her breasts, and she told me off in the middle of her orgasm for spanking her.

‘You dirty, dirty boy.’

‘I can’t help it, it was too tempting! This is your peachy ass’ fault, if anything.’

The seventh time, she was wincing and shifting in discomfort.

‘Do you want to stop?’ I asked gently. Truth be told, I was starting to get a bit sore myself, but I didn’t want to quit.

‘No,’ she insisted. ‘It’s… It’s a good pain.’

The eighth time, it was a bad pain, and we had to give up part way through.

‘Oh my God, I had no idea it would be so messy,’ Kuina said through a yawn. ‘Do you know where the cleaning stuff is?’

‘Can’t we just lock ourselves in and claim the place?’ I didn’t know what was hers and what was mine, and something about that pleased me.

‘How would we eat?’

‘There’s a vending machine in the corridor. And we could get take out, I guess?’

‘Hmm.’ Kuina lay on top of me, wrapped in my arms. ‘If you ever want to kidnap me, I won’t fight it. You’d make a seriously hot captor.’

‘Don’t tempt me. I’d do it in a heartbeat,’ I murmured, kissing her shoulder. Her hair was damp with sweat, and her cheeks, neck and chest were flushed. 

‘You’re so fucking beautiful,’ I said, kissing her swollen lips before she could argue with me.

We used the shower block after cleaning away the evidence of our passion in the gym. The sun had started to peek out over the horizon, and hazy light flooded into the block. I soaped down her body and washed her hair; when she complained, I reminded her I still had half an hour left. I tried to be as gentle as I could, and I winced a little when I saw the bruises on her body; I wasn’t sure which were caused by our duel and which were caused by the aftermath.

‘How are you feeling?’ I asked tentatively, awaiting some pithy response from her that I knew would break my heart a little.

‘Good,’ she said eventually, smiling at me. I hadn’t expected that response, and it kind of floored me. I ended up kissing her gently under the running shower, delighting in the fact that she slid her arms around my neck and pulled me closer. After embracing her tightly, I started to press kisses to all of her little cuts and bruises that I could reach, dropping to my knees to reach the others. When I kissed the welt across her ass that looked a little like the shape of my sword, she giggled.

‘You’ve got five minutes, by the way,’ she said. ‘If there’s anything you want me to do, you’d better ask now.’

So I did. Every moment since, I’ve regretted it.

‘Marry me,’ I said lazily, kissing her taut belly. I felt her freeze up in my arms.

‘What?’

‘Marry me,’ I said again. She looked horrified.

‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’

‘Nothing! You’re the one that keeps saying ‘You can’t be my friend, you want to fuck me.’ Well, that’s a bunch of crap. You’re my best friend _and_ I kind of want to spent every spare minute I have inside you, which I’m pretty sure means I love you. So, let’s stop playing games. Marry me. We’re old enough, just about.’

She laughed nervously. ‘You’re serious. You’re actually fucking serious?’

‘Of course I am! I’ve never felt this way about anyone in my life before.’

‘You’ve never spent time with any other… any woman before!’ she yelled.

‘So what? I don’t need to,’ I countered. She pulled away from me, shaking. She folded her arms defensively and avoided my gaze.

‘We don’t have to rush.’ I backpedalled a little, scared to lose this moment we’d had before the dawn. ‘I mean, if you want to do it today, I’ll find a government office and get an appointment. What do we need? Two witnesses? We can find someone! If you want to wait and do a proper ceremony, we can do that too…’

‘Zoro,’ she whispered.

‘If it’s too much, how about we just move in together? See how that goes? We’ve been basically living together for years, we’d just be able to share a bed without anyone being able to say anything-’

‘Zoro, stop…’

‘Or would that make your parents angry? I don’t know, I don’t care. Whatever you want. I just know I’m sick and tired of us dancing around this, especially after tonight.’ I stood up and took her hand. ‘What do you say? Can we stop playing games and get real about us?’

Tears fell down her face, and I felt sick to my stomach.

‘Time’s up,’ she said, her voice cracking. ‘I can’t… I have to…’

She pulled her hand from mine, grabbed her towel and ran out of the block. I could hear her crying down the corridor.

‘Kuina, wait!’ I bolted after her, butt naked and not caring. She was fast, and I was soon left following her wet footprints. 

‘Kuina!’ I yelled when I saw the back of her run out into the yard. I chased after her, but collided straight into Johnny and Yosaku, who appeared to be coming back from a night out drinking.

‘Zoro?’ 

‘You okay, brother?’

They both looked somewhat alarmed at the sight of me.

‘Did you see Kuina?’ I demanded, grabbing Johnny by the lapels.

‘N… No - what’s going on?’ he asked. I looked around despairingly; I couldn’t see any sign of her.

The next time I saw her, she was in more makeup than she’d ever worn, and her white kimono was crossed right over left.

I heard from her before this, as I phoned her endlessly until she eventually answered me five agonising hours later. I had scoured the entire complex for hours unable to locate her, but the place was like a maze and I ended up finding three different routes to the equipment cupboards.

When her phone didn’t go straight to voicemail, I felt some sense of relief. When she answered, I was elated.

‘Kuina! Where the fuck are you? I’ve been looking for hours!’

‘I’m… I’m at the doctor’s,’ she replied.

‘Are you pregnant?’ My mind was racing. ‘It’s okay! I’m here, we can work it out. I mean, I don’t know how to be a parent, but I’ll figure it out - there are books and stuff-’ I stopped myself. She had been freaked out enough about marriage, she wouldn’t be happy about being pregnant. ‘Or, if you need me to pay for an abortion, I’ll do it. Whatever you need, Kuina. I’ve got this.’

To my surprise she laughed. ‘The injection I have that stops my periods is birth control, and I’ve been using it for years. Plus, I wouldn’t know for at least a month, idiot.’

‘Oh.’ I did feel pretty stupid; I was just on edge since she had fled from me. ‘Listen, I didn’t mean to scare you…’

‘It’s okay,’ she said. I could hear her swallow thickly.

‘No, it’s not,’ I said. ‘I laid it on too fast. But I can’t keep this up,’ I said. ‘I’ve been in love with you for so long, and maybe I should have said something?’

‘Zoro…’ She started to cry, and I felt helpless. Why would she be so upset?

Then it dawned on me. Maybe she didn’t love me back? I think I have a particular certainty in my life. I’m certain of my training, my increased knowledge in the way of the sword. I don’t know everything, but I will keep going until I do, or I die. There’s certainty in that. I was certain of my feelings for Kuina, so certain that I hadn’t even considered she might feel differently. True, you’d think she wouldn’t have been jerking me off for five years if she didn’t feel something, but who knows? She wasn’t exactly the typical girl they showed in movies.

‘Please don’t cry! You know I don’t know what to do with tears,’ I begged. ‘Umm, just listen. I love you, and if you don’t feel the same way, that’s… that’s okay.’ I wasn’t sure it was okay at all. In fact, I was pretty sure I’d be a rage-filled wreck, but I knew I’d get over it. ‘I’m your friend, I always will be. If you ever get married, I’ll be there, either as your husband or your best man, or whatever it is that girls have.’

I only managed to make things worse; she started crying harder than before. There was a tense silence over the phone except for her sobs.

‘Kuina?’ I tried tentatively. I heard her blow her nose and sniffle.

‘I… I can’t explain over the phone,’ she said eventually. ‘But I want to tell you. You deserve to know, even if I’m not sure how I’m going to explain it.’ Her voice was wavering again.

‘Kuina?’

‘I’ve got my Dan training this morning,’ she said. ‘So, can we meet for lunch? One pm at the diner across the street? I’ve a feeling I’m going to need ice-cream.’

She was cracking jokes again. That made me feel a little better. ‘Sure. I’ll have a cherry sundae ready for you.’

She laughed, though her voice was still wobbly. ‘Okay, you’d better.’

The rest of the morning was agonising, as I tried to keep myself occupied with anything I could. Class, meditation, solo guard practice. I sparred with Johnny and Yosaku for a bit, though I usually unnerved them in the arena.

‘You’re a machine, brother,’ Johnny said with a bewildered expression once I’d knocked him to the floor. He had got distracted by the young cleaner wiping down the windows; I knew he had a crush on her, and I used it to my advantage.

I was at the diner by quarter to one. By one o’clock, I had already ordered her sundae in anticipation. By half past one, it had melted. By quarter to two, I was out looking for her. I distinctly remember thinking, ‘I’m going to fucking kill you,’ as I was out of my mind by now, wondering what serious thing she wanted to talk to me about that might change everything.

When I reached the complex, it was swarming with ambulances and police cars. The entrance to the dormitories was cordoned off.

‘What’s going on?’ I asked, when I found Johnny and Yosaku sitting on the grass nearby. They stared at me in horror.

‘You… You don’t know, brother?’ Yosaku asked, his voice trembling. I then noticed they both looked very pale.

‘If I knew, I wouldn’t be asking, would I?’ I said, before a firm thin hand suddenly gripped my shoulder. Koshiro was behind me.

‘Zoro,’ he said quietly.’ I think… I think you should sit down.’ His face was hollow and brittle, as though something had swooped down and sucked the life out of him.

‘What’s going on?’ I demanded, feeling increasingly uneasy with every sombre glance exchanged. ‘Where’s Kuina?’

His face cracked, tears sprung from his eyes. I knew something very bad had happened.

‘Wait, did she have an accident?’

‘She… she fell down the stairs, Zoro. Hit her head.’

‘What? The idiot - is she in an ambulance? Can I go with her?’ The more I think about this moment, the more I think I was trying to fool myself. I knew, deep down, but I didn’t want to admit it.

‘She’s dead, Zoro,’ he said, struggling to keep composed. ‘I’m… I’m sorry.’

I don’t remember that much about what happened next. I know I accused them of lying, of concocting some terrible joke. She couldn’t be dead; who the fuck dies from falling down the stairs? Johnny and Yosaku both had to restrain me when I tried to throttle a paramedic, because if people don’t die from falling down the stairs, they sure as shit don’t die when the paramedics come to sort it out. I remember screaming until my throat was raw and still going. I remember someone trying to talk to me, but they were just making stupid buzzing noises that were meaningless, because Kuina was dead and nothing else fucking mattered. I remember someone giving me a paper bag to breathe into, and taking that paper bag and trying to ram it down their throats, because didn’t they hear the part about Kuina being dead and nothing else fucking mattering? I remember someone sticking a needle in my arm, and waking up in the hospital. They kept me in overnight, with nothing but a weird hospital gown, and someone in the room constantly. I kept asking if I could leave, and they refused until Koshiro showed up and signed some papers the next day.

‘I’m sorry, Zoro,’ he said as he drove us back to the complex. ‘I hope it wasn’t too unpleasant. I had to take precautions; I was worried about you, and I’ve… I’ve seen enough death.’

It dawned on me I had been put on suicide watch.

‘I’m not about to kill myself,’ I said. My throat felt like it had been sandpapered, and it hurt to talk.

He talked without expecting an answer, which was good, as I didn’t feel like replying. He told me how it had been an accident, she had tripped at the top of the stairs and fell awkwardly. It would have been quick, he said, which I guess was supposed to make me feel better. Make us feel better. He asked how she’d been the past few days, as I was the one who had been with her the most. Had she been happy? Had we had fun?

I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t exactly tell him we’d lost our virginity to each other in the most mind blowing way and I made her cry by proposing marriage. He didn’t want to know that shit, he was her father. I said we’d been hanging out as usual, and left it at that. 

He took me to the same ramen place Kuina and I had been to. I said as much, which was good, because the guy recognised me and asked me to leave. When he found out what had happened, he relented and served us both.

Dr. Koshiro explained to me that they were sorting out the paperwork and having her repatriated. They were going to hold the funeral back home. They’d like me there; he knew how close Kuina and I were, and he wanted me at the _Otsuya_ , _Kokubetsushiki_ and as part of the _Kotsuage_ , if I felt comfortable with that. The _Bunkotsu_ was going to be at their family grave, but did I want an urn? He said it would be easier to observe the memorial services when I was training over here. Then he started crying. I’d never seen him cry before. I’d never seen any man cry like this before. I tried to be strong for us both.

Back home, I bought my first ever suit and shirt; clothes over here don’t fit me right, except for that suit Sanji got for me from the only tailor he trusts. I didn’t know what to get, and just went with whatever the first shop I entered suggested. It looked fine, and I managed to blag a free black tie in the process when the shop assistant was pushing for a colour that complimented my eyes and I had to explain why I was buying it. When I put it on the day of the _Otsuya_ , I could still see the bite mark Kuina had left on my neck poking out above the collar.

I took my money in the black and white envelope I had struggled to purchase without crying and attended the _Otsuya_. Kuina’s mother looked ashen when she felt the envelope, but Koshiro simply thanked me and whispered in her ear. The way she looked at me made me feel like an exhibit. I felt especially uncomfortable when she stared at my neck.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said quietly. ‘She spoke about you so much, it’s… it’s nice to put a face to the name. I hope you don’t mind, but I told the directors that you were her fiance. Makes the _Kotsuage_ arrangements easier and… well… I thought it would have been inevitable.’ Her eyes drifted to my neck again, leaving me in no doubt as to what she had noticed.

‘Kuina told you?’

She looked shocked, and tears started to well up in her eyes. ‘She never told me… She spoke of you a lot, but… a mother just knows.’ She smiled, and cupped my face in her hands. ‘You would have been a lovely son, I’m sure.’

If my heart could have broken any more, that would have done it. I didn’t deserve such kindness.

I went to the coffin to pay my respects. Kuina looked… not herself. She was covered in makeup, not just funeral paint, but the kind of makeup women wore that she never bothered with. Red lips, lined eyes, her hair pinned with an ornate decoration. She was in the traditional white kimono. She looked beautiful. She looked like a stranger. I had bought an extra off-the-peg suit in her size in the shop I got my suit fitted in, and I slipped it quietly into the coffin. Figured she’d want a change of clothes when she finished her journey. They had covered up her bruises with makeup, and part of me wanted to wipe off the stuff they’d used on her neck. I touched her hand, and it felt cold.

The whole event pretty much passed me by in a haze of tears and guilt. I felt overwhelming rage at Kuina for dying, for leaving me to deal with the loss of her. Women were supposed to outlive men, I’d always assumed I’d go first. I assumed we’d both be old when it happened. I cried in anger, in sadness and in guilt. The last time I saw her, she ran from me crying. She wanted to talk to me. Had I caused her so much anguish that she’d been distracted? I tried not to think of that, but once the thought had crossed my mind, it was impossible to evict.

At the cremation, I refused to leave. We were supposed to go away and come back to retrieve the ashes, but I hated the idea of leaving her to go alone. So I waited by the gates to watch the smoke billow into the sky. I didn’t really see anything, so I guess they do something funky when they’re burning the bodies.

The _Kotsuage_ was harder than I imagined it would be. Entering that cold, grey room. The metal tray. Seeing her remains, the bone and ash. They could have put anyone there and I would have assumed it was her. Koshiro and I moved the bones between us, our hands shaking. Feet first, always feet first. I took a small urn back with me when I returned to the training complex over here. Her precious sword was left to me. Koshiro was sure she would want me to have it. At her grave, I swore I would win with it. I swore my suit would be for her only, and I would never wear it again. It was as close to a marriage as we would ever have.

Days passed in a fog, the absence of her a weighty presence in everything I did. The seventh, forty-ninth and one hundredth days punctuated the emptiness; I observed at my own shrine, thousands of miles from her grave. They cancelled the competition as a mark of respect. After three months, they say the human brain normalises; any extensive highs or lows are flatlined. Hedonic adaptation, or something. Bullshit. I was dying inside every day, the grief, guilt and questions engulfing me. Why did she run? Why did she always run in the end, and is that what killed her? They said it was an accident, but was it? Did she fall, or did she jump? I couldn’t bear it. Nine months after her death, I left for this new city. I ran from her ghost and it chased me down.

* * *

I told these relative strangers my story, between wracking sobs I hadn’t really let out since her funeral. Johnny and Yosaku were almost as upset as I was - they knew Kuina, so they were possibly dealing with things they didn’t know about her, about us. Vivi held my hand throughout, and Sanji was the first to squeeze my shoulder in comfort. Yet it was Luffy that had the biggest impact, after everyone had finally left and I had promised to go cold turkey on Tashigi.

‘My brother died,’ he said quietly, when we were both sat next to each other on the sofa. ‘Two years ago. I was seventeen. He was twenty.’

‘I’m sorry.’ I hated it when people said that to me, but what else could anyone say?

‘Boating accident,’ he said after an uncharacteristic bout of silence. ‘I couldn’t save him. Had to watch him go under. He’s buried back home; we kind of cry and wail a lot, throw ourselves at the coffin. He’d have hated it, but it’s what we do. Got his picture in my room with a drinking glass. I fill it every now and then. I… I took his death badly. Missed a year of school in the end; that’s why I know Vivi. I started college when she did.’ He smiled. ‘It gets better. The memories hurt less. You start to be able to remember with a smile. I know it’s not the same, but I thought you should know.’

‘Thanks.’

‘She sounds crazy. I like crazy. Crazy means you shook someone out of their expectations. I wish I could have met her.’

‘She was… she was complicated. But she was my complicated.’

He grinned at me, and that was enough.

Suddenly, my phone rang. It was Nami, of all people. I briefly considered not answering, but I accepted the call nonetheless.

‘Zoro? Have you ever examined that sword? The one she left you?’

‘Hi, Nami. How are you doing?’ I said sarcastically. She’d be the first to pull me up for not observing the niceties.

‘Nami, _mon chouchou_ , let him be.’ I heard Sanji’s voice in the background. He was obviously with her this late at night. Of course he fucking was.

‘Shush!’ she hissed. ‘Well, have you?’

I realised she was talking to me. ‘No, I… I haven’t been able to.’

‘Well, you should. If I was going to hide anything I was trying to keep secret, I’d put it there. Maybe you’ll find something to answer your questions.’

‘Is that what you phoned me for?’

‘There’s no need to be testy-’

‘Oi! She’s just trying to help!’ Sanji was at the mouthpiece now.

‘Butt out, cook boy,’ I snapped back.

When I eventually went to bed, three beers later, I unlocked my case and took out Wado Ichimonji. For the first time, I unsheathed it. I spent half an hour polishing and oiling it; I had been a terrible owner and neglected it in my grief. There was something comforting about it, as though I was tending to Kuina in some way.

I tipped up the sheath to shake out any dust before I got a cloth in there, and that’s when I saw it. A small business card, hidden within the lining.

_‘Dr. Emporio. By Appointment Only.’_

There was a phone number and an address, which was between the place I had left and my current residence. Was this the doctor she had visited before her death? I tried to stop my hands from shaking. Maybe, just maybe, I could find some answers to the questions that had been plaguing me?


	13. 8th August

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoro pays a visit to one of the last people who ever saw Kuina alive, and gets some surprising answers. The gang are especially anxious when the fastidiously punctual Vivi goes missing. All in all, Zoro has a pretty eventful day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning - again, some transsexual themes are covered in this chapter.
> 
> Hover over for those translations. If you dare.

8th August  
Mood: Sad. Relieved. Pissed off. A bunch of things.  
Number of murderous thoughts: 3  
Number of murderous thoughts about Sanji: 2  
Number of times I sobbed like a baby: 5  
Number of times everything seemed to make sense. 1. Maybe 0.5.

I’m a big fat hero. I was told to open with that, so I am. Vivi’s watching me write this, so I can’t let her down.

I tried the number on Dr. Emporio’s card, but I got no answer. Last night, I made the decision to just go there anyway. This involved swallowing my pride and having to ask than damable chef if he could give me a lift; there was only one bus a day, and I remember it taking nine hours to get here when I moved. A car journey would be two or three hours, so I knew I was asking a lot.

I got a response to my text message within half an hour.

_‘I’ll be at yours 8am tomorrow. Be ready. And go the fuck to sleep.’_

Asshole.

* * *

The drive to the doctor’s location was comfortingly quiet. Sanji didn’t try and make small talk, and he let me handle the playlist. I just looked out of the window and tried to work out what I was going to say to this stranger who might not even remember Kuina. That would be the worst, if this doctor just shrugged and said they didn’t know who I was talking about. Maybe she never visited?

‘Do you know what kind of doctor Emporio is?’ Sanji asked about half way through the journey.

‘The curing people kind? What other kind could there be?’

‘The name sounds familiar.’ He frowned at the road and didn’t elaborate.

‘How?’ I must have looked anxious enough for him to feel like providing more information.

‘I heard it mentioned by the ladies who visited the restaurant I worked at in Thailand,’ he said. ‘Must be world renowned. I know you were listening the other day, so maybe think about that that might mean.’

‘What, a doctor that treats STDs?’ I asked, given what he had described basically sounded like sex workers to me, above board or not. There are places where that stuff is legal, right?

‘You clearly weren't listening hard enough.’ Sanji sighed. ‘Just… Maybe you’re going to get some answers you don’t want?’

‘Maybe,’ I agreed. ‘But it has to be better than not knowing.’

The address was an unassuming looking terraced house in the middle of a residential street, the only clue was a sign up near the steps with the doctor’s name and credentials.

‘Call me when you’re done,’ Sanji said as I exited the car. ‘I’m going to pick up some supplies.’

* * *

The receptionist was sympathetic, but ultimately unhelpful.

‘I’m sorry, but Dr. Emporio doesn’t take walk-ins. You need to make an appointment.’

‘I told you, I don’t want an appointment, I just need to speak to…’ Was the doctor a man or a woman? I had no idea.

‘Then you’ll need to make an appointment,’ she insisted. ‘I can see if there’s one available today, but there’s usually quite a waiting list…’

As the receptionist was busy tapping on the computer and bringing up records, a figure emerged from one of the practice rooms. I noticed the badge read ‘Dr. I. Emporio’. As before, I still had no idea if the doctor was a man or a woman, there was something very ambiguous about him. Her. I don’t know - doesn’t matter, and I didn’t ask. I’m going with ‘He’ because it’s shorter to write.

‘Is everything okay, Inazuma?’ he asked, before looking at me with some weird semblance of recognition.

‘I’m fine, Iva; just making an appointment.’

The doctor stared at me. ‘Zoro? Zoro Roronoa?’

‘How the hell do you know my name?’ This was getting way too weird for me.

Dr. Emporio laughed, a high pitched girlish laugh. ‘Oh my, her description was uncanny.’ He appeared sombre all of a sudden. ‘Honestly? I was expecting you months ago. Care to come in?’ He gestured towards the practice room.

Feeling increasing uneasy, I entered the room. It was well lit, and had some of those medical advice posters that always seem to be used to decorate a doctor’s surgery. There was a desk, and a red leather sofa, which seemed oddly out of place.

‘Take a seat,’ Dr. Emporio said, before closing the door. I sat on the sofa, and found it surprisingly comfortable.

Dr. Emporio sat behind the desk. ‘I’m sorry about Kuina,’ he said softly. ‘I imagine you have some questions.’

‘Yeah, something like that.’ Now I was here, I didn’t really know how to begin. I noticed him trying to hide a smile.

‘What’s your problem?’ I demanded, and he looked a little anxious.

‘Nothing, I promise! She just talked about you a lot, and I’m starting to see what she meant.’

What the hell did that even mean?

He didn’t seem in that much of a hurry, which gave me a bit of time to think. What did I want to know? Was she okay? That was the big one. Did I hurt her? That was the other.

Dr. Emporio must have noticed my confusion, as he started talking instead.

‘She was doing well. She had been visiting me for a few months, trying to work through some issues she’d had since she was young. Did she tell you about any of this?’

I shook my head. ‘She told me she had something she needed to tell me, but she… she died before we could have that conversation.’ I felt vulnerable just saying that, and it took all my willpower to keep the tears at bay.

‘Have you heard of gender dysphoria?’ he asked, and I shook my head, because no and what the hell? It sounded like a band name.

‘It’s where someone feels as though their psychological gender doesn’t match their physical gender. Kuina had some feelings around this, and she was discussing them with me.’

‘What, she thought she was a guy?’ On one hand, I found this impossible to comprehend. On the other hand…

‘She didn’t know,’ Dr. Emporio said firmly. ‘We were working towards figuring out her identity. It was a work in progress, I don’t believe in rushing these things. Treatment, if you want your body to match your mind, is very hard and a long-term process. Not everyone needs to do that.’

I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I mean, I suppose she did dress like a guy, and she’d never exactly liked her… parts, unless I was touching them. 

‘She… she never told me,’ I said quietly. ‘Why not? I thought we were friends, but... Did she say why? Did she tell anyone?’ I was getting more frantic. ‘We… we did things! With each other! And she never… Do you know if she ever loved me?’ My voice sounded surprisingly small.

Dr. Emporio looked at me with deep sympathy. ‘You must understand, Zoro. I can’t tell you the details. I have strict patient confidentiality, even when my patient passes.’ He sighed dramatically. ‘But I sense your pain.’

He got up. ‘I’m going to go and make a cup of coffee. It’ll take me a while. If you were to go to my computer and view the files in the open folder there while I was gone, that would be a gross violation of my trust.’

‘Of course.’ I wouldn’t dream of doing that, I’m not that much of an asshole.

Dr. Emporio stared at me with narrowed eyes. ‘So don’t do that. You’ll get your answers, but that would be bad. And out of my control.’

‘Okay, I understand.’

He glared at me, and started scribbling on a notepad. ‘I really don’t think you do,’ he said wearily, before exiting the room and dropping a sheet of note paper behind him as he shut the door.

I went to pick up the sheet of paper, and noticed it had a few file names on it. That was careless of him, I thought, as I turned the sheet over in my hands. I could have opened them.

Then I noticed some additional text on the other side of the sheet.

_‘Go and view the files while I’m away, idiot!’_

I sat at his desk, and looked at the files listed. They were easy enough to find, as the folder had been arranged by latest date. I double clicked on the first file in the list, and it opened up a video file. I instinctively looked up, and saw there was a webcam quite obviously in view.

Kuina appeared on the screen. God, seeing her again cut to the bone. She looked smaller than I remembered, huddled on that red sofa.

_‘Okay, Kuina. I’m just filming this so we can go over it later, and see what your body language says when we cover certain topics. Hopefully, this should help you focus on the issues that matter most. Okay?’_

_‘Sure.’_ She sounded quieter than usual.

_‘So, last time we talked about your body. Puberty was when you started to have issues; could you tell me some more about that?’_

_‘Okay.’_ She fiddled with the hem of her t-shirt, a sure sign she was agitated. _‘I was kind of fine with the breasts. I mean, they hurt a bit and boys stared at me more, which was weird. Mom got me this… this thing with flowers and lace. I didn’t like it. I was happier when I got a sports bra; Dad took me shopping for it, and he felt so awkward going around the lingerie shop.’_

_‘You mentioned boys stared at you, and it felt weird. Talk me through that.’_

_‘Well, they’d just stare. The bra Mom got me didn’t exactly hide me when it was cold, you know? The other boys in my training group would just kind of look at me and either giggle or just go red and freak out. Except Zoro. We’d finished sparring, and he just pointed at them and said, ‘They’re new.’ Nothing else.’_ She laughed at this memory, and it was one I honestly couldn’t recall. 

_‘You’ve spoken a lot about Zoro before. How did that make you feel, having him comment on your body?’_

_‘I don’t know. He was just some weird, annoying kid. I didn’t think anything of it, except that it made me laugh.’_ She paused momentarily. _‘I guess I liked the fact he didn’t see them as a big deal. He didn’t treat me any differently - he never really has. He was the baby, though. He was only nine. I’m not sure he even knew what puberty was.’_

_‘How old were you when you first menstruated?’_

_‘Thirteen. It was the worst.’_ I noticed she balled her hands up into fists just at the memory.

_‘How so?’_

_‘I… This’ll sound stupid, but I guess I thought it wouldn’t happen. I don’t know what I thought would happen, but not that. I thought it was something that happened to other girls. I remember having stomach ache for a few hours, and I thought I’d just eaten something bad. Then I felt kind of wet. I took my trousers off, and I kind of broke. It was terrifying. I remember lying on the grass, willing it away. Of course that didn’t work. Then Zoro came over to me, and I thought the day couldn’t get any worse; I started crying and couldn’t stop. He sort of stared at me and panicked, before running away. I didn’t think anything of it - typical boy - until he came back.’_

She smiled. _‘He’d gone to the shop down the street, and spent some of his allowance on sanitary towels and some Kit Kats - they’re different to the ones you have here. He picked me up and carried me to the girls dormitory; I remember being surprised that it seemed effortless to him, I don’t think he’d turned twelve yet. I was in a state, so he asked where my panties were. He was so embarrassed, but he stuck a pad on a clean pair and got me changed. He even scrubbed the blood out at the sink. Afterwards, he just kind of threw five Kit Kats at me and said ‘Sorry, that sucks.’ I told him girls were supposed to be happy about getting their first period, and he said, ‘Stick a candle in the pink one, then.’ I don’t know why I found that so funny, but I did. Then he started laughing, and that was the start of our beautiful friendship.’_ Her expression was odd, a mix of dark amusement and whimsy.

 _‘Tell me about Zoro.’_ Dr. Emporio seemed to be changing tack.

 _‘Umm, he’s my best friend. He’s pretty single minded, very Alpha. Definitely no genius, but he’s not useless or anything. Hand him a sword and he can do anything with it. He’s tall, and broad shouldered. He’s very muscular, but he works at that. I think he’d be really skinny if he didn’t. He’s…’_ She started to giggle a little. 

_‘Do you think he’s attractive?’_

_‘I guess? I mean, he’s not exactly boy-band material, and... You know how some people have resting bitch face? He has resting psycho face. I swear I’ve seen people cross the street to avoid him, when he’s just thinking about bread or something. When he laughs, people are genuinely frightened. But they don’t know him. He’s the kindest guy.’_

_‘Do you like his body? If you had a man’s body, would you pick his?’_

_‘I… I think so, but…’_ She frowned. _‘I see what you’re getting at, and I don’t know. I’m fascinated by him; how he moves, how he feels when I touch him. But I think that’s something else.’_ She looked down at her knees. _‘Can we move on? I’m not ready for that yet.’_

_‘Of course.’_

The next file started the same way. Dr. Emporio always stated they were filming and why, and Kuina always granted consent. 

_‘I know you said you weren’t ready last time, but I’d like to see if you can talk about your feelings about Zoro’s body again. If you’re not ready, that’s okay.’_

She laughed, that sarcastic laugh I knew too well. _‘That’s… that’s kind of confusing. See, this is where I think that I can’t possibly be wondering that something is wrong with my body, or that it doesn’t match my head. I… I like touching him. I like it when he touches me. Sorry, is this too weird?’_

_‘This is therapy, Kuina. Nothing is too weird, I promise you.’_

_‘Okay.’_ She smiled a little, and I got the sense she wanted to see if she could shock Dr. Emporio. _‘I like touching his cock. I like that it excites him, and I like how he can’t control himself when I do. I really don’t like my parts,’_ she added. _‘I’ve never wanted to… to masturbate. The idea grossed… grosses me out. But when he does it to me, that’s a different matter.’_ She stared at her fingers as she spoke. _‘When he’s touching me, or kissing me, I’m pretty happy with my body. And, you know, he makes me wet. He… you know. He gets the job done. He makes me feel how guys are supposed to make girls feel. So… so how can this be a disconnect?’_

_‘Sexual identity and gender identity aren’t the same thing, Kuina,’_ Dr. Emporio explained. _‘You can feel like you’re a man, but still be attracted to men.’_

_‘Really?’_ Kuina looked as though a lightbulb was starting to shine in her head. 

_‘Yes. You’d like men as a woman, and you’d like men as a man. If someone transitions and takes hormones, they sometimes find it changes their sexual preferences, but that’s the only way it might change.’_

The last clip was on the day of her death. She looked as though she had been viciously attacked; she had tears pouring down her face, and she was battered and bruised. It took me a few moments to realise all that damage had been done by me. 

_‘Kuina, are you sure you don’t want me to call the police? I’ll be right by your side if you need to report anything.’_

_‘What for?’_

_‘You seemed to be walking with some difficulty, and you’ve clearly been in some kind of altercation. I know it can be hard to give this a name, but-’_

_‘I wasn’t raped, if that’s what you’re getting at.’_ Kuina looked furious through her tears. _‘No way was last night… I just started a game. With Zoro.’_

_‘And it ended like this?’_

_‘I wanted it,’_ she said defiantly. _‘You don’t understand. He could be balls deep in me; if I told him to stop, he’d stop immediately. I have no doubt about that.’_ She sighed deeply, and stretched her limbs out. She looked so satisfied, and just the sight of that had me hard in the middle of this doctor’s office. _‘It was amazing. I haven’t felt this good since… since forever. Everything felt right. I didn’t want it to end; it only did because we couldn’t physically take it anymore.’_

_‘So, why are you crying?’_

_‘He… he asked me to marry him,’_ she said, her bottom lip trembling. _‘And I wanted to say yes, more than anything! But… but I can’t, can I? Because I’m not sure what he sees is what I am.’_ She started to cry. _‘I love him, but how can he love me when he doesn’t know?’_

Dr. Emporio handed her a box of tissues. _‘Have you considered telling him?’_

_‘Not really. He’s put up with enough of my shit. I wanted to be sure before I said anything.’_

_‘You said before he’s your best friend. He clearly thinks a lot of you. We’ve talked before about not telling your family yet, but maybe you could tell him? It’s easier to go through this with someone at your side, if you can.’_

Her hands were trembling as she gripped a tissue. _‘I can’t. I was a bitch to him, again. I ran away. Didn’t even answer his proposal, not really. He doesn’t deserve to go through this crap that I keep putting him through.’_

Then it was my turn to start crying again. How could she not get it? I’d have gone through Hell for her. I kind of have. 

In the video clip, her phone started buzzing. She looked awkwardly at Dr. Emporio. _‘It’s him. Damn it, this is the twentieth time. May I answer?’_

_‘Go ahead.’_

She put the phone to her ear. _‘Zoro? What… ‘I’m… I’m at the doctor’s… The injection I have that stops my periods is birth control, and I’ve been using it for years. Plus, I wouldn’t know for at least a month, idiot… It’s okay.’_ She looked on the brink of tears again. _‘Zoro…’_ She started to cry as she listened to her phone, and it only got louder and more desperate as she sat there, tugging at the hem of her t-shirt. 

_‘I… I can’t explain over the phone. But I want to tell you. You deserve to know, even if I’m not sure how I’m going to explain it.’_ Her voice wavered, and tears sprang in her eyes again. _‘I’ve got my Dan training this morning. So, can we meet for lunch? One pm at the diner across the street? I’ve a feeling I’m going to need ice-cream… Okay, you’d better.’_

When she ended the call, she broke down. 

_‘Fuck you, Roronoa - you’re such a glutton for punishment.’_ She buried her face in her hands and wept. 

_‘You decided to tell him.’_ Dr. Emporio more stated this than asked. 

_‘He was so kind,’_ she said. _‘Idiot thought I was pregnant, and went through getting parenting books to helping me get an abortion. He wasn’t even thinking about what he wanted. He even said he’d be my husband or my best man.’_ She was barely audible between her sobs. _‘If I can trust anyone with this, it’s him. He won’t understand, not one bit. But he’ll fucking try.’_

I lost it completely. I was only aware Dr. Emporio had returned because he placed a box of tissues in front of me. 

‘You helped,’ he said once I’d calmed down enough to move over to the red sofa. ‘She felt guilty about what she perceived she put you through, but the fact you were there was a great comfort to her. I have no doubt what happened must have been an accident, she was not a suicide risk. Believe it or not, she left my office with a smile on her face. She was nervous, but she trusted you.’ 

‘I… I’m so glad she was okay,’ I managed to say between sobs. ‘I’ve spent months thinking she was alone, scared, God knows what. I thought… I thought maybe it was my fault. Did I ask too much and make her feel bad? I didn’t…’ I couldn’t form the words as I started bawling again. I’d spent months bottling up my feelings, and now I hadn’t just undone the stopper, I’d broken it and I wasn’t sure I could plug it back up again. 

‘Take as much time as you need,’ Dr Emporio soothed. ‘It wasn’t your fault. You were the one thing keeping her anchored, and she knew that.’ 

Then something else left my lips before I’d fully formed the thought. ‘What… what if I couldn’t?’ 

‘Hmm?’ 

‘What if I couldn’t love her as… as a man?’ I felt like a traitor, but I knew I wasn’t gay. I loved her but I didn’t know if I could have changed my whole orientation for her. 

‘You’re getting a bit ahead of yourself. Kuina definitely had characteristics of gender dysphoria, but whether she wanted to transition wasn’t a point we had got to yet,’ Dr. Emporio explained calmly. ‘A lot of people want to go through hormones and surgery, but it isn’t something all people who identify as trans want to do, and I hadn’t spent enough time with Kuina to be confident of even saying she identified as a trans man. Some of her feelings could have been due to the isolation she felt growing up a lone woman in a male dominated sport. She had started getting involved in an online group so she could talk to other women in the field. It was too early to tell. I will never rush a diagnosis.’ 

I wasn’t so sure. It actually explained a lot. Kuina was right, I don’t exactly understand, but if I go with the assumption that she was a guy, a lot of things fell into place. If I’m honest with myself? I don’t know what I would have done with that. I know I loved her in a way that goes beyond physicality, but… she was hot. I liked her pretty face, the curves she hid from everyone but me. Getting her naked was one of my top five favourite things to do. 

This new set of questions were ones Dr. Emporio couldn’t answer for me, and as I left the clinic to meet Sanji, I felt that a weight had been lifted and replaced with a puzzle box. There was a bubble tea stand on the way, and I bought one even though I’ve never really liked the stuff. I just wanted to play with the tapioca balls. 

Sanji was sat on the hood of his car, smoking a cigarette. 

‘You’re not bringing that thing in my car,’ he said. ‘I’m never getting the milk smell out if it gets on the interiors.’ 

‘Well, I’m not throwing it away,’ I replied firmly. 

He slid across the hood, leaving space for me. ‘Guess we’re having a break, then.’ 

We sat in silence on the hood as he smoked and I slurped up bubbles like a child. Eventually, he broke it after exhaling a plume of tobacco fumes. 

‘Did you find what you were looking for?’ 

‘I guess.’ I started trying to see how far I could push a tapioca ball out of my lips without it dropping. Sanji looked at me with undisguised contempt, but said nothing. I briefly considered spitballing them onto his car, but squashed down the impulse. 

‘When you were in Thailand, did you find the women hot? I mean the ones that were guys when they were born.’ The question was out before I could consider whether it would get my ride revoked. 

He raised a weird, curly eyebrow at me. ‘Where did that come from?’ 

‘Just answer the fucking question.’ 

He took a long drag on his cigarette. ‘Depends. Some passed more than others. But I knew, and that kind of dampened any interest I might have had in that regard.’ He looked curiously at me, as though he was weighing up something. ‘I didn’t know them, though. Not really. Perhaps if I’d known one of them a long time, I’d feel differently.’ He examined his cigarette briefly. ‘You’re wondering about your fiance, right?’ 

It sounded so weird somebody else using that word. It legitimised my proposal in a way I wasn’t sure it deserved. ‘Yeah. That doctor thought she might be the other way. Wouldn’t say for definite. Said there hadn’t been enough therapy to be sure.’ 

‘And you’re concerned her being male would kill your ardour? Or that it would not?’ 

‘The former,’ I replied without hesitation. ‘If I knew it wouldn’t, I’d be fine with that.’ 

Sanji smiled. ‘What was the first thing you thought when you found that out?’ 

I considered this. ‘Relief, I guess. I was relieved she was okay, and I hadn’t made her feel like shit in her last day alive. Glad she felt she was getting answers.’ Even though the idea she might be trans hadn’t even crossed my mind, I’d known there was something wrong. She had weird body issues that I couldn’t understand; she was so perfect to me. 

‘I think you have your answer, then,’ Sanji mused. ‘Love is an overwhelming feeling, but when you get to the meat and potatoes, it’s mostly a choice. Marriage is choosing to love someone even when it’s shit, right?’ 

‘I guess.’ 

‘Don’t beat yourself up about if you could handle the hard parts. By asking her to marry you, you chose to try. That’s how I see it.’ He took a last drag of his cigarette, and I was surprised that I took comfort in his words. 

‘I… I should have known. I was her friend, above everything else.’ I voiced the thought almost without thinking, as I put on my seat belt. 

‘Maybe you did?’ Sanji didn’t look at me, instead he was fiddling with the ignition. The car purred into life. ‘When you were on that moronic self-induced trip, you got quite caught up in the erotic notion of us inhabiting different bodies. I’d always thought that was a strange place for your mind to have gone. Sort of makes sense, hearing this. Perhaps you were already asking the question?’ 

The drive back was quiet, and gave me time to think. Admittedly, a sliver of that time might have involved me wondering what she’d look like as a guy and what the sex might have been like. The vast majority was a calm solace in knowing she was okay. The more I thought about it, the more I know I’d have definitely still loved her. Whether I would have felt romantically about her was the issue I was still trying to work through, but that was far more manageable than the ‘did she kill herself because I demanded too much?’ conundrum that had been haunting me alongside my pure, desperate grief. 

I cried. Not the way I did in the clinic, this time it was quiet and stoic. For the first time, I let myself grieve Kuina without guilt or rage at the injustice of it all. I just let the tears flow silently, and told the universe to take care of her. It had taken her, after all, so it had a responsibility. 

I was distracted from my reverie by Sanji’s phone ringing, then mine in quick succession. Sanji answered his via a hands free kit; it was Nami. 

‘Nami, _ma puce_ , how are-’ 

‘No time, Sanji. Have you seen Vivi?’ Nami sounded anxious. 

‘No, I’ve been out of town…’ 

I answered my phone; it showed Kaya as the caller. 

‘Shit, did I miss a shift?’ I asked. 

‘No - have you seen Vivi?’ Kaya asked, sounding just as worried as Nami. 

‘No, I’ve been out of town.’ 

‘Did she tell you she was going anywhere?’ Sanji was still talking to Nami. 

‘Wait, are you with Sanji?’ Kaya sounded surprised. ‘You never shut up about how much you hate that guy… Forget it, I’ll nag you about it later. We can’t find Vivi.’ 

‘She’s probably just gone out,’ I said. 

‘Vivi doesn’t just ‘go out’, Zoro,’ Kaya insisted, and I’m sure she made the quote marks even though I couldn’t see. ‘She always tells us where she’s gone, even if she’s just going to get milk. We’ve tried her phone, but she’s not picking up - I was hoping she might be with you.’ 

I had no idea why Kaya thought she might be with me, alone. I’d freaked her out enough the other night. ‘No, I haven’t seen her since you guys interventioned me.’ 

‘Shit. Do you know where she might have gone? Did she say anything to you?’ 

‘No.’ I sighed. ‘You guys are worrying over nothing; she probably just lost her phone.’ 

‘You don’t understand,’ Kaya said hotly. ‘Her dad was at the NATO summit last month and there was some kind of threat. She doesn’t like having bodyguards, she thinks it gives her an unfair advantage over everyone else. That’s why she’s been training so hard.’ 

‘Wait, what the fuck? Why didn’t she tell me?’ 

‘Because Vivi doesn’t like to tell people about her position, she doesn’t want people to feel uncomfortable. She only told us because we were sharing her apartment, and it’d be a bit difficult to hide.’ 

So it was Vivi who had the swanky apartment, not Nami. ‘So, who is she?’ 

‘Vivi Neferteri,’ Kaya replied, as though that explained anything. 

‘Yeah, I know that.’ 

‘Wait, you don’t know of the Neferteris? Jesus, Zoro - you’re as bad as Luffy. Don’t you ever pick up a newspaper?’ 

‘Not really.’ I never saw the point. Depressing fear mongering with people constantly pointing the finger at each other; I could watch one of those morning talk shows and get the same effect. 

‘They’re the former royal family of a small North African province - I honestly don’t remember the name, I suck. They had peaceful reforms a decade ago, and her father was voted as their president. The living family members still keep their titles as a formality, or something. So she’s technically Ezmira Vivi Neferteri.’ 

‘She’s a fucking princess?’ I stammered. Shit, was having erotic dreams about a princess grounds for treason? 

‘How do you know what that means, but you don’t know - never mind. The point is she’s a kidnapping target, and nobody has seen her since this morning!’ 

I felt instantly queasy. Vivi did tend to keep you far more up to date on her comings and goings than you ever felt you needed. I remember thinking it was weird when she’d text me to tell me she would be five minutes late because of traffic. I guess it made sense now. 

Sanji had sped up, and was already talking to the police captain. 

‘We’re doing everything we can, Sanji. Pipe down.’ He sounded as gruff as ever. 

‘But I told you, we’d seen that same guy outside taking photographs of her apartment. Do you not think that’s worth investigating.’ 

‘Sanji, we have protocols. Do not tell me how to do my job. Speaking of which, have you seen Zoro Roronoa?’ 

‘Yeah, he’s right next to me. We’re an hour north of town right now.’ 

‘I thought you hated that guy?’ the Captain sounded perplexed. Sanji flushed briefly, but didn’t respond. 

‘Why do you want to know, anyway?’ he asked. 

‘He’s a suspect.’ 

‘Are you fucking kidding me?’ 

‘Less of your lip, boy. He’s been aggressively harassing one of my officers, and he offered Neferteri ‘training’ on the night of the NATO threat. He’s a prime suspect.’ 

_‘ Mon dieu!’_ He sighed. ‘Zoro, have you kidnapped anyone in the last forty eight hours?’ 

‘Not that I recall.’ 

‘Did you hear that? Now could you maybe focus on someone who might actually be responsible?’ Sanji looked beyond furious. For a second, I thought he might spontaneously combust. 

‘Sanji, do not test me.’ the Captain sounded deeper voiced, asserting his authority further. ‘We are not taking this lightly. If you have any other information, let me know as soon as you do. Otherwise, keep the hell out of my way.’ 

The Captain ended the call. Sanji said a lot of French words very quickly and very angrily, and I guessed that any of them would have got him thrown out of church. 

‘Okay, think. You know her, Zoro. Where might she have gone? Perhaps we can try and retrace her steps.’ 

‘I take it you don’t give a fuck about the asshole captain and his whole department can fuck their own mothers for all you care?’ I commented lazily. If I was honest, I was mostly projecting. 

Sanji looked amazed. ‘I didn’t know you spoke French,’ he said. 

Through a phone conference with Nami and Kaya, we put together a list of potential places she could have been taken from. Sanji pleaded with Nami not to start checking out the list, but she refused. 

‘We’re here, and you’re not,’ she said crossly. ‘We’re not idiots; we’ll go together and get Usopp and Luffy to join us.’ 

Sanji and I looked at each other. I could see we thought the same thing, which was that Usopp and Luffy were about as useful protection as a chocolate condom. Still, Nami made it clear she would not be stopped. 

As Sanji was breaking every speed restriction in sight to get back as soon as possible, we were making good time. It was a few minutes into our new cop-baiting routine that I realised I had a voicemail. It was from Vivi. 

‘Play it.’ Sanji said, when I told him. I got Nami back on the conference call; I could hear her panting as she ran around the city on the world’s bleakest scavenger hunt. 

_‘Hello, Senpai. It’s Vivi - oh, be careful! I nearly fell into the door, you broke so hard!’_

I could hear traffic sounds and car horns, as well as Vivi’s muffled scream and the slam of something hard against metal. 

_‘I’m sorry! I just got frightened… He’ll kick up a fuss if I don’t show up…’_ Vivi’s voice was barely audible. I couldn’t quite make out the other voice, but it was male and definitely threatening. Vivi whispered something obedient, before I heard her at full volume again. 

_‘I’m really sorry, Senpai, but I won’t be able to make our training session at Ocean dojo, as stated. Our last session was really helpful. And I’m sorry about she… her death. But we should all go to Galipettes again to commemo-’_ she squealed again. _‘I’ll… I’ll be in touch when I’m free. Bye!’_

The call ended abruptly. My knuckles went white as I gripped my phone. 

‘Can’t this thing go any faster?’ I demanded. 

‘I’m going as fast as I can!’ Sanji spat back. 

‘That’s weird,’ Nami sounded way too calm and thoughtful, given the circumstances. ‘There’s no such place as Ocean dojo, right? Where do you train, Zoro?’ 

‘What the hell does that matter!’ I was trying to calm myself down, and not exactly succeeding. ‘Umm, I think it’s Crouching Tiger? I don’t know, it’s something dumb. Not Ocean.’ 

‘I think she’s trying to send you a message,’ Nami said firmly. ‘She really picked the wrong guy.’ 

‘Oi!’ I could practically feel her shaking her head at me. 

‘Okay, we can figure this out,’ Sanji said. ‘Vivi’s pretty smart, right?’ 

‘Yup.’ Nami had slammed a door and sworn under her breath, so I assumed she was having no luck. ‘Well, first things first; she was in a car, or maybe a van? She wouldn’t have been flung into the doors of a car by someone braking.’ 

Sanji nodded, which seemed dumb as Nami couldn’t see him. ‘Ocean as stated. That’s a weird way to say that. Why not just, ‘as agreed’, or even bother with that?’ He suddenly beamed, as though he’d had an idea. ‘Wait - Rhode Island has the slogan Ocean State, doesn’t it? I remember going there to… to take care of some business in my youth.’ 

‘So, what? She’s telling us she’s been taken to Rhode Island? Where the hell even is that?’ I had a strong urge to punch a hole in the glove box, but I restrained myself. Mostly because I dreaded to think what would come spilling out. 

‘Why would kidnappers tell their hostage where they’re going?’ Sanji asked. ‘Especially if they’ve let her make a phonecall? Unless they’re really dumb kidnappers.’ 

‘If it’s the guys we encountered at the bar, that guy wasn’t an idiot,’ Nami said firmly. ‘He knew what he was doing. Damn - the jewelry was just a bait so he could find out where Vivi lived! He had to have my billing address to send me the cash...’ 

‘You can’t blame yourself, Nami,’ Sanji soothed. ‘None of us suspected… We’ll find her.’ 

There was something I didn’t understand. ‘I’m sorry about death her death. I don’t get it. It that some kind of slang?’ 

‘What are you on about?’ Nami sounded annoyed. 

‘She said ‘I’m sorry about death her death,’ and I don’t know what that means. You try speaking two languages,’ I spat. 

‘You try speaking five, Zoro,’ she shot back smoothly, and I saw that asshole cook smirk. ‘She said ‘I’m sorry about she… her death.’ She just corrected her pronouns.’ 

Sanji looked deep in thought again. ‘Light me a cigarette, would you? I need to think.’ 

‘Do you have to give me cancer in the process?’ 

‘Open a window and stop whining. If you getting cancer saves Vivi, I’ll take it. And I think you would, too.’ 

Fair point. I fumbled in his jacket pocket for his cigarettes and lit one up for him, passing it close enough that he could lean forward and take it between his lips. He took a drag, and let it burn between his fingers as he gripped the steering wheel. 

‘I don’t think she did correct her pronouns,’ he said finally. ‘She was talking to Zoro. She said shi. Which is four, and can mean death, right?’ 

‘The kanji sounds the same, but we tend to use ‘yong’ nowadays,’ I replied. Still, from the things Vivi said to me, she did seem to know a little bit about a lot of languages. We might even have spoken about that once, while getting ready for her training. 

‘You think she was trying to give us numbers?’ Nami asked. ‘Sanji, do you know the format for Rhode Island plates?’ 

‘I think it’s five numbers?’ He didn’t sound certain. ‘What else do we have? Our last session was really helpful, and my restaurant… The address of my restaurant is Thirteen North Avenue.’ 

‘Zoro, when did you last train with Vivi? What was the date?’ Nami demanded. 

‘Umm.. August 4th,’ I replied. 

‘So, the eighth month would be eight, four, four, one and three. Five digits,’ she replied. ‘She told us the plates of the van she’s in.’ 

Sanji reached for my phone. ‘Let me call the Captain.’ 

‘Sure,’ I said. Then I remembered something, that conversation I’d had with Vivi the first night I met her. ‘No! It’s four, eight, four, one, three. Vivi told me she hated the dating system here. She’d put the date before the month.’ 

As we approached the town, Sanji was having yet another argument with the Captain over the phone. We had to download and forward my answer phone message to their tips email, and he didn’t seem convinced of our deductive work. 

‘Are you guys here yet?’ Nami asked. 

‘We’ve got to the city limits,’ Sanji said. 

‘Well hurry up! Meet me at Zoro and Luffy’s,’ she said. ‘I’m going to put the word out on Twitter and see if anyone has seen a van with those plates. 

‘Why ours?’ I asked. 

‘Because you’d better tool up, right?’ 

‘Are you high? I fight in competitive sports, I’m not some fucking Samurai!’ 

‘Racist.’ 

‘I can’t be racist against myself, you idiot!’ 

‘Just get your swords so we can go and get her once we’ve found her!’ The phone went dead. 

‘I’m not going to fit everyone in this car,’ Sanji said. ‘I’ll borrow Dad’s.’ 

‘Are you seriously going to go after a bunch of organised criminals and start a fight?’ 

‘Wouldn’t be the first time.’ he said, taking a drag on his cigarette. I was beginning to like him, if only a little. 

‘Then count me in.’ I couldn’t deny part of me wanted blood from whoever had hurt Vivi. 

By the time I got to my apartment, leaving Sanji to swap cars, Nami was already waiting by my door with a nervous looking Kaya in tow. 

‘You took your time,’ Nami said crossly. 

‘Well, blame the driver,’ I snapped back as I fumbled with the key. Once I had the door open, I rushed to my room and grabbed the first sword I could get my hands on, while Nami kicked Usopp’s slumbering form on the sofa until he woke up. 

‘N… Nami, what’s-’ 

‘Get the hell up! We’re going to help Vivi!’ 

‘Vivi? What’s the matter with her?’ 

‘Where’s Luffy?’ she asked. 

‘In bed, I think,’ Usopp replied groggily. 

Nami clicked her finger. ‘Zoro, grab Luffy. We don’t have time; I think I have a lead!’ She was staring at her phone. I wanted to snap that I wasn’t her lapdog, but I was too concerned about Vivi to really bother making a thing of it. 

Luffy was in deep sleep. That might not sound like a big deal, but Luffy is impossible to wake. I swear, we could have a fire and he’d just sleep through the alarm. I decided not to waste time, and just picked him up. 

We rushed down to the garage, Luffy across my shoulder, to see Sanji flashing his lights. Nami stormed over to the driver’s seat and opened the door. 

‘Out. You drive like my grandma,’ she said. Sanji didn’t argue, and got into the passenger seat instead. 

I have never been the passenger in such a terrifying drive in all my life. Nami cut through traffic, went up side streets I would have sworn were too small for this massive SUV, and otherwise terrorised the city’s road users as she took insane shortcuts and deviations. 

Sanji on the other hand, seemed startlingly calm. He even lit another cigarette and smoked it leisurely. 

‘Nami used to do rally car racing,’ he said by way of an explanation. ‘Navigation and driving. She’s good.’ 

I wasn’t sure that was the word I’d have used, but once we pulled up near some dodgy looking warehouse and spilled out into the backyard, I noticed the SUV didn’t have a scratch on it. 

Despite the adrenaline spiking drive we’d just experienced, Luffy still wasn’t awake. 

‘I’ll wait with him and explain everything,’ Usopp insisted. ‘It’s not because I’m scared! It’s strategic.’ 

‘Whatever,’ I said. 

‘Kaya, stay here,’ Sanji instructed. ‘We might need a doctor.’ Kaya nodded, and looked rather relieved. 

That left three of us to investigate. 

There was a grey van with open back doors near the entrance. The plate was indeed Rhode Island 48413. 

‘Let’s go in there,’ Nami whispered. I noticed she went behind me and Sanji. 

‘Stay behind us, Nami,’ Sanji said softly. ‘I don’t want you to get hurt.’ 

‘Hey, I’m involved with this rescue operation too,’ she argued. 

‘And you did an amazing job getting us here before they moved on,’ he soothed. ‘But let us…’ 

As soon as we entered the abandoned warehouse, we saw Vivi tied up and surrounded by three very burly looking men. 

‘Okay!’ Nami squeaked, keeping her distance. 

Sanji’s eyes met mine. We both understood. He’d distract them, and I’d get Vivi out. 

‘So, you couldn’t get a girl with drugs, and now you’ve resorted to kidnapping?’ Sanji taunted, as I slipped around the side of the room, hiding behind pillars like I was in fucking Assassins Creed or something. 

‘Who’s this little asshole?’ I recognised the voice; it was that big guy with the missing teeth we’d seen at the club. I recognised the other two from there as well, they must have been his henchmen. 

‘Your new fucking problem, _pine d'huître ,_’ Sanji sneered, walking closer to the psychopath. The big guy casually pulled a gun out of his waistband and pointed it right in Sanji’s face. 

‘Not for much longer.’ 

This was already more than I thought I could handle, though I continued to make my way stealthily towards Vivi. She was being guarded by one of the henchmen, and he looked huge. I felt the sword in my hand, and realised I’d picked up Wado Ichimonji. Fuck. This fight just got even more emotional. 

Sanji merely chuckled and stared him out. ‘You ought to be careful where you point that thing. This suit was expensive. I’d be cross if it were scuffed.’ 

I honestly didn’t know who was the bigger psychopath right now. The big guy started to squeeze the trigger, but Sanji kicked the gun out of his hand and followed up with a kick to his head. He staggered, but he wasn’t down. Just what the hell were we dealing with here? 

‘I’m going to kill you, you little shit!’ he raged, and I swear I saw Sanji make the international hand gesture for ‘bring it on’. He was fucking insane. 

I caught Vivi’s eye. She acknowledged me silently, her eyes wide with fear. 

‘Get out!’ she mouthed silently, just as her guard grabbed her by the jaw. 

‘You’re a pretty thing, aren’t you?’ he leered. ‘Don’t worry; you’ll like the way I make you scream.’ 

I abandoned stealth, and instead lunged at him. What went through my mind was simply _ichigeki hissatsu ,_ as I struck. He blocked with a concealed blade, but it did little good; I cracked his blade in two. I was surprised to see him look scared. Damn, this was a good sword. 

‘Look out!’ Vivi cried, and I saw the guy grab a length of piping. Somehow, I let the world fall away and concentrated on my training. Horizontal, vertical, diagonal; every cut mattered. Shake off the blood. Adapt the guard. Look for his weak stance. It was weird fighting someone who didn’t obey the principles; both easier as he telegraphed his attacks, and harder because he was unpredictable. 

I saw Vivi take the opportunity to pick out one of her hairpins and go for her handcuffs. I dropped to one knee and went for his ankle; I cut him, but not deep enough to fell him. He responded by grabbing me my my head and lifting me clean off the ground. I didn’t exactly have any practice in fighting while in mid-air, but I used the horizontal cut across his chest that I’d used on Kuina. He was much harder to push down, but it worked. I rolled to absorb the impact of hitting the ground. 

Sanji had attracted the other henchman, who he was busy solidly kicking into a nearby pillar. Damn, he was fast; the henchman couldn’t keep up. 

Suddenly, Vivi had freed herself, and started running towards the exit. The main guy - the big one with the missing teeth - took advantage of myself and Sanji being occupied and grabbed her, pinning her onto the floor. 

I watched helplessly as she... deftly kneed him in the balls, kicked him in the solar plexus and palmed him straight in the chin for good measure, before slipping from his grasp and running towards the exit, where Nami was waiting. I felt rather proud of her. 

Then he grabbed his gun, and aimed it rather desperately at her. I had one chance, and if I took his hand with me, so be it. I dived to my right and made a horizontal cut. I aimed for the gun and managed to smash it up. I knew this was a good blade. I could feel it. 

Suddenly, I heard the breath of my opponent and dodged his dagger. I leapt to my feet and knocked him out of his guard; his stance was poor, and I managed to knock him to the floor with the back of my blade. Sanji’s opponent soon followed. 

‘I got him first,’ I teased. 

‘A gentleman knows the value in never coming first,’ Sanji shot back with a grin. Even in this situation, he went for the filthiest comment he could have. 

Then we noticed the big guy run towards Vivi and Nami. We both tried to tackle him, but he was strong. He grabbed Sanji’s leg mid-kick and threw him across the room. I got a quick strike in, but he grabbed my head and threw me against a pillar. I watched helplessly, my head pounding, as he grabbed Vivi’s wrist. 

‘Nice try,’ he growled, as Nami tried to drag her away. 

Then the unexpected happened. Luffy wandered into the fray, yawning and stretching. He surveyed the situation briefly, then his entire expression changed. 

‘Oi! _Monte de merda!_ What are you doing to my friends!’ I had never heard Luffy in a temper before, and I could have sworn the whole room shook with the force of his voice. 

‘Out of my way, pipsqueak!’ the big guy roared, only to be met with Luffy’s small bunched up fist. He yelled as he aimed true and straight. 

‘Luffy!’ Sanji called out, as he staggered to his feet. ‘Get out of here!’ 

I can’t have been the only one who was amazed when the big guy went down and didn’t get up. 

‘Did you know he could…?’ I directed my query at Sanji who simply shook his head, his expression both dumbfounded and amused. 

‘Vivi? Are you okay?’ Luffy asked. 

She nodded, her whole body trembling. ‘I’m fine, thanks to you guys. Did you work out my message?’ 

‘Yeah,’ I replied. ‘Well, Nami did mostly.’ 

Vivi responded by throwing her arms around me. ‘Thank you, Mr Bushido! I was so scared!’ 

I could feel myself blushing more than I ever had in my life. I hugged her back, and felt butterflies when she buried herself against my chest. 

‘The only thing we couldn’t work out was why you left it with this idiot.’ Sanji brushed down his suit as he spoke, as though he somehow didn’t think I was going to fight him. 

‘You’re in my phone as Mr Bushido,’ Vivi admitted. ‘So I was able to convince them you were my Master. Which isn’t exactly a lie, is it?’ 

I had to push her slightly away. For fucks sake, this wasn’t the time to be getting excited. Or to finally realise I clearly have some kind of dominance kink. Nami took up the slack and threw her arms around her. 

‘I’m so glad you’re okay, Vivi,’ she said into her hair as she pulled her close. I didn’t dislike watching them. Then I noticed Sanji practically salivating, and I looked away. I was not like that asshole. 

Turns out we were a terrible crime fighting team. We hadn’t been paying attention to our combatants, and they got up and pushed past us in a bid for freedom. 

‘We’ve got to stop them!’ Nami yelled, but they’d got too far. They were already starting up the van. 

When it didn’t move, I noticed the tyres had been slashed. Who did that? 

They ran out of the van and headed for the exit of the back yard; I noticed Kaya grinning from the back seat as they cursed. I heard a sudden ping above my head. Usopp had aimed something at me. 

‘What the hell are you doing?’ I demanded. ‘You waited around out here, and then you have the nerve to try and attack me?’ 

He also had the nerve to laugh, and point at the area he struck above my head. It had loosened and pushed against the scaffolding, dislodging a worn bucket which fell to the floor and landed on a plank of wood. I watched the plank of wood spring up and hit the edge of the exit gate, which swung wildly and hit all three of the fleeing kidnappers. 

They fell to the ground just as the police arrived. 

Tashigi quickly handcuffed them and read them their rights, while the Captain just stared at us all, shaking his head as he lit a cigar. 

‘Damn it, Sanji. What did I say?’ 

Sanji shrugged. ‘We were just passing.’ 

‘Please don’t arrest them!’ Vivi begged, while Nami held her. ‘They saved me!’ 

‘I’m not going to arrest them, Miss Neferteri. But they do have a lot of questions to answer.' 

* * * 

We had to go to the police station, and answer questions in the interview rooms individually. Nami was dabbing Sanji’s cuts with antiseptic in between kissing him in a manner I didn’t think was really appropriate for a public place. Judging from Tashigi’s embarrassed expression, she agreed with me. 

‘You were amazing out there,’ Nami whispered to him. ‘I had no idea I’d find it such a turn on.’ 

Really, Nami? Here? 

Sanji grinned. ‘I’ll fight a whole damn army if it pleases you, _ma colombe,_ ’ he whispered back. 

‘I’d settle for you taking me back to your place when we’re done here,’ she said casually, and although I know I didn’t see steam coming out of his ears, I saw steam coming out of his ears. 

Luffy was eagerly questioning a weary looking Tashigi. 

‘Were they seriously pirates? Did we just fight pirates? Because that is so fricking awesome!’ 

‘It’s not awesome! They’re wanted across international waters!’ she snapped. 

‘I punched a pirate. This is the best day ever!’ Luffy announced, happily flopping down into the nearest seat. ‘Do they have parrots?’ 

‘No, they do not have parrots! Piracy is a serious issue, and the fact they dared to go mainland causes us some big problems!’. She sighed. ‘They’re huge criminals on the seas, who could lead the Navy to even bigger criminals. They’ll want to plea bargain. This goes against what Vivi’s consulate want, but the Navy will win out.’ She sighed heavily. ‘Between the Navy and the consulate, we could have an diplomatic incident and worse, have to let them go.’ 

‘That’s bullshit!’ I found myself saying. ‘So they could come after her again?’ 

I noticed Sanji look a little awkward, before extricating himself from Nami’s embrace and walking away. 

‘Hey, you can’t leave!’ Tashigi sounded furious. 

‘I’m allowed one phonecall, aren’t I?’ he replied, as he went into the corridor with his phone. 

My interview was fairly short. The Captain seemed satisfied I had acted in self defence, and I was given my sword back with minimal fuss. I was told I’d have to present my licence and carry papers to an officer, but that was about it. 

‘That picture,’ he said as I stood up to leave, ‘that’s really… not Tashigi?’ 

I realised he was looking at my phone. ‘It’s not the lieutenant,’ I confirmed. ‘That… that was my fiance.’ It felt weird on my tongue, but given I now knew she’d wanted to say yes, I’d use it. 

‘I’m sorry,’ he said quietly. ‘But you must understand-’ 

‘Kaya will be doing the lunch orders from now on,’ I said, and pointed at my face. ‘So take a good look at this, in case you miss it.’ 

‘I won’t. Perhaps Kaya might manage to show up on time.’ I thought I detected a small smile on his face, but I decided not to push it. 

* * *

Tashigi was kind enough to take us back to our apartment; Vivi had made it clear she wasn’t ready to be alone yet, though part of me wondered if that was because Usopp had gone to visit Kaya and she didn’t want to be caught in the crossfire. Nami and Sanji left as soon as they were allowed, which made me reluctant to go back; my room was directly underneath his bedroom, and history had told me he didn’t exactly contain his passions. Still, we ended up in our living room drinking tea while Tashigi witnessed my papers for legal possession of my swords. 

‘That all seems to be in order,’ she said, checking my conceal and carry permit. I’d thought having that was crazy; we always had to keep the sharpened blades in the training schools back home. The idea of being able to carry it around in public… I hadn’t even thought about it when I heard Vivi was in trouble. I only got it so I could take Wado Ichimonji home with me between practice sessions. I didn’t fancy leaving it where strangers could manhandle it. 

‘Do you want some tea?’ Luffy asked her, and thrust a cup in her hands before she could even say the ‘No, thank you,’ that she was clearly working on. I sat on the floor and offered her my seat; she nodded slightly in thanks as she sat next to Vivi. 

‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘I didn’t realise I was stalking you. I won’t do it again.’ 

‘I didn’t realise you…’ She paused. ‘Your two friends showed me a picture of you and your…’ 

‘My fiance,’ I said, and she turned a little pale. 

‘Shit,’ she said. ‘I can’t help my face, but I’m sorry, too.’ 

‘What, she looks like Kuina?’ Honestly, I was amazed Luffy had remembered her name. 

‘Exactly like her,’ I replied, and this understandably seemed to make Tashigi uncomfortable. 

‘There must be some difference.’ 

‘Not looking at you,’ I said. ‘You’re identical. The way you look, your mannerisms.... You don’t smell like her, that’s the only thing. Sorry to bring up the creepiness, but I’ve spent enough time trying to find your differences.’ 

Tashigi shuddered. I didn’t blame her. Vivi stared at her in amazement. 

‘I can’t imagine what that must be like. Dad always says I look just like my mother - she died when I was little. He used to say it was like seeing her breathe again…’ She cast her gaze downwards. ‘Sorry. That’s not exactly helpful.’ 

‘No, I think maybe it is.’ That was a nice way of looking at it. I could see Kuina as a cop. A maverick loose cannon of a cop who would be the bane of the Captain’s life. The thought amused me. 

Suddenly, a series of screams permeated from the ceiling. Tashigi looked deeply concerned, and I saw her feel for her gun. 

_‘Oh my God, right there! Right there!’_ That was definitely Nami, making noises I had never heard her make before. Noises I had never wanted to hear her making. 

Luffy laughed. ‘Oh, they’re back, then?’ 

‘Wow. We must have really good soundproofing,’ Vivi commented. ‘I had no idea she was quite this loud.’ 

‘Yeah, I’d stay out of this one,’ I said to a blushing Tashigi. ‘I normally get the worst of it. My room’s under his.’ 

Luffy wrinkled his nose as he stared at the ceiling. ‘They must be in the living room playing Twister. Sanji must be really good at it, all the girls I’ve heard have complained like this.’ 

Tashigi and I exchanged glances. 

‘Is… is he joking?’ she whispered. 

‘I have no idea,’ I whispered back. 

_‘Why did you stop?’_ Nami’s voice was loud for somebody who sounded so desperate for breath. 

_‘ Je veux savourer ton goût ... tu es si mouillé que tu m'excites.’_ I had no idea what Sanji had said, but it sounded filthy. 

_‘You’re such a bad boy!’_ Nami clearly agreed. 

I was starting to feel really unclean. She didn’t stop there with her commentary, either. This was painful. I almost missed Bonney; at least she didn’t give me a blow by blow account of every little thing Sanji was doing to her. 

Vivi had turned bright red and was distinctly not looking at me in the same way I was not looking at her. 

Eventually, Tashigi left us, around the time that the ceiling started pounding. I assured her I would keep my distance, and she seemed satisfied with that. All things considered, it went pretty well. Most comforting for me was that I saw Tashigi for the first time, rather than Kuina’s ghost. You know something? Tashigi seemed pretty cool. She knew more about swords than I’d ever learned about, and she had some good contacts that worked with Japanese steel if I needed any work done on my blades. I wish the circumstances were different; I think we could have been good friends. But that’s not my call to make. 

‘Where do you want to sleep, Vivi?’ Luffy asked casually. ‘The sofa’s not that comfy, but we’ve both got big beds. We can share.’ 

The fuck? Was he serious? 

‘Yours isn’t that big,’ Vivi pointed out. ‘You were hanging out of it when I stayed over the first time. That’s when you asked for a bed for the second room.’ 

‘Nah, I was just trying to make sure I didn’t fart in it,’ he said nonchalantly. ‘I can be a gentleman too, you know.’ He mimed smoking a cigarette. ‘A real man does not trap a woman in his flatulent bedsheets, haw hee haw.’ It wasn’t a bad impression of that idiot cook. 

Vivi laughed at this, but I was still far too amazed to see the joke. 

‘You’ve slept together?’ I asked. 

‘Not like that!’ Vivi insisted. ‘We just shared the same bed. Nothing… you know, happened.’ 

‘Actually, my sheets are kind of gross. Zoro, can she sleep with you? You change your sheets like every day,’ Luffy asked, and I cannot believe those words had come out of his mouth. I couldn’t say anything; my voice had utterly failed me. 

‘Cool - you okay to sort Vivi out? I’m beat.’ With those words, he wandered off to the bathroom to brush his teeth noisily, while I was left to share a bed with the girl of my very sinful dreams. I looked at Vivi’s blushing face, and realised she was thinking something similar. 

‘I… I can take the sofa, if you like,’ I offered. 

‘It’s okay,’ she said, not quite looking at me. ‘I wouldn’t want to subject you to…’ she pointed up at the ceiling. ‘Anyway, I think I’d like to spend the night with you.’ 

Fuck, I can’t handle this. 

‘I mean, I don’t want to be on my own, not… I wouldn’t be so insensitive.’ Turned out even Vivi thought my cock should behave while I was in mourning. 

* * * 

We sat on my bed sharing a small bottle of sake I had kept for a special occasion, which might not have been the wisest thing, but it loosened us both up. I’d leant her one of my t-shirts to sleep in, and she wore it really well. 

‘Oh, take your shirt off,’ she said, kneeling on the bed. ‘Let me check your wounds.’ 

‘I think I’m fine.’ 

‘Humour me?’ 

Who was I to say no? 

I knew from previous experience that she had a gentle touch, but it still surprised me as she cleaned out my surface cuts and grazes. 

‘When’s the anniversary?’ she asked carefully while wiping away at my back with antiseptic. 

‘16th August,’ I replied. That date was burned into my mind. 

‘That’s soon,’ she replied. ‘Is… is there anything I can do to help you?’ 

‘Not really,’ I said. ‘She’s buried back home in the family grave. Well, most of her.’ I gestured towards the urn next to her picture on my dresser drawer. 

‘Wow. You have her ashes?’ 

‘Some of them. It’s pretty normal for us to share them. I’ll do the incense lighting here, and we’ll have a ceremony up in our old training grounds. Most of the team are still based here.’ 

‘That sounds nice. I mean, as much as it can.’ She moved around to face me, and started checking the scars on my arm. ‘We don’t cremate,’ she said mildly. ‘Our funerals have to be done really quickly. I don’t remember my mother’s at all. I might not even have attended.’ 

‘Does that bother you?’ 

‘Yes, and no. I think it must be nice to have something of her by your side, though.’ She glanced at Kuina’s mini shrine again, before examining my chest and carefully cleaning out the cuts there. She was so close to me, I could smell her perfume. She didn’t wear much; I got the hint of something floral and spicy as she moved. She cupped my face in her hand as she checked my forehead, and I wanted nothing more than to kiss her. While Kuina’s picture stared back at me. I made a lousy fiance. 

‘Did your dad ever remarry?’ I asked. 

‘No. I think he’s dated, but he’s never introduced me to anyone.’ She looked a little saddened by this. ‘I don’t know if he never loved again, or if he just doesn’t have the time; he’s been running a country and raising me alone for the past 15 years. Sure, he has help, but it’s still not easy. Just not as hard as it would be without.’ She smiled to herself. ‘Doesn’t stop him flirting, though. He’s so embarrassing; when he came to help me move in, and met Nami and Kaya? Oh my God, I was scared they’d move out, and they’d only been there a day!’ 

She looked at me suddenly, and I saw sympathy in her features. ‘I… I could ask him, if you like. He always said there’s no timeline on grief.’ She smiled at me. ‘Well, you seem to be okay. Just a few cuts and bruises. Nothing serious.’ 

‘But butch and manly?’ I joked. When she laughed, it lifted my spirit a little. 

‘Of course. You’ll look great on the chat show circuit.’ 

As she put away her first aid kit, she sat next to me and poured us some more sake. 

‘Do you.. Does that… Are you thinking you’re ready? To start dating again?’ She looked deeply embarrassed, and took a deep sip of her drink. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be pry like that. I don’t know what I was thinking.’ 

‘It’s okay,’ I assured her. ‘I don’t know. Maybe?’ I decided to chance it, and be honest for once. ‘There’s a girl I’ve liked for a while, but I’ve felt really guilty about it.’ 

‘Does she remind you of your fiance?’ 

‘No, she’s very different. Beautiful in a different way, kind and gentle. Wants to make the world a better place. I think about her a lot, actually. Especially when I shouldn’t be. Now I know the truth about what happened with Kuina, I feel less guilty about that. Knowing the truth has made it easier to process my grief, so I feel like maybe I could move on. Maybe seeing someone else wouldn’t be such a crime, you know? At the same time, part of me feels like it’s too soon.’ I rambled, but I hope she got the point. 

‘Well, if it feels too soon, it probably is,’ she said. ‘I wouldn’t worry, Mr Bushido. I’m sure if a girl likes you, she’ll be happy to wait.’ 

‘I wouldn’t expect her to wait around,’ I said. ‘She’s lovely. Must have a lot of options; a lot of better options.’ 

‘Maybe she does,’ Vivi mused. ‘Maybe she isn’t interested in those options. Maybe she’s never been interested in any of her options, and was really surprised when someone was…. interesting to her. Now he might be an option, perhaps she’s happy to be patient, because he seems worth it? And just because he can’t see it, because he’s kind of an idiot, he really is worth waiting for?’ She smiled shyly at me, and her words stunned me. 

‘Just to be clear, we’re talking about each other, right?’ I asked, because honestly? I wouldn’t have been surprised if I’d tricked my brain into mishearing somehow. 

‘I certainly hope so,’ she replied. I laughed. 

‘What’s so funny?’ 

‘I really want to kiss you right now. While my fiance’s right there. I’m a terrible choice, Vivi.’ 

‘You’re loyal. There’s no shame in that.’ She squeezed my hand. ‘Let me know when you’re ready, because I know I am.’ Then she blushed suddenly, which I don’t think will ever stop making her even more attractive to me. ‘Why did I say all that when we’re about to share a bed?’ 

‘Why did I start this whole confession when we’re about to share a bed?’ I countered. ‘I think we can claim equal responsibility for this.’ 

We brushed our teeth together in the bathroom, and settled on who would have which side of the bed; Vivi understandably chose the side that didn’t have Kuina’s shrine next to it, which suited me fine. We lay together very still and rigid at first, staring up at the ceiling and making sure we were a good space apart. 

‘This is weird,’ I said, to break the silence. 

‘It’s definitely different to when I shared Luffy’s bed,’ she replied. 

‘I’ve never slept with a girl before. I mean properly.’ 

‘But, you were engaged. Don’t you do that before marriage in your home? I know we’re not meant to, but I always thought it was a bit silly to marry someone you didn’t know… in that way.’ Vivi was peeking at me from beneath the sheets, and she looked undeniably adorable doing so. 

‘Oh, we had sex,’ I clarified. ‘I mean, we didn’t share a bed and sleep. We were in training or tournament accomodation all the time as a youth team, you weren’t allowed. We’d cuddle together when we could, but we couldn’t stay the night.’ 

‘That sounds so sad. And romantic,’ Vivi said. She was laying on her side looking at me as I lay on my back, propping myself up with my hands behind my back. 

I chuckled. ‘That’s one way of looking at it.’ 

‘So… how did you... ‘ She smacked herself on the forehead with her palm. ‘Oh, God - ignore me! I’ve been drinking, and I always say things I shouldn’t!’ 

‘How did we have sex? Carefully,’ I joked. ‘You’d sneak off somewhere you wouldn’t get caught. To be honest, we only did it once. Well, more than once, but only one time. So I’m not exactly experienced.’ 

‘I’m a virgin,’ she said nonchalantly, ‘so I’m wholly inexperienced.’ 

‘Inexperienced, or undiscovered?’ I said, raising an eyebrow before I could stop myself. Why did I say that? I’ve clearly spent way too much time around that pervert cook. 

‘I like that,’ Vivi said with a giggle, as she turned around to lie on her back. ‘Undiscovered territory, just waiting for the right explorer.’ She stretched her arms out and ran her fingers along the headboard briefly, as though she was bound to it. I had a lot of Very Bad Thoughts around that, and the sudden, yet predictable, thudding above me didn’t help matters. 

_‘ Jouis pour moi, ma gazelle! Tu me rends si bander!’_

_‘ Oh, Oui! Prende moi! Prende moi!’_ I didn’t know Nami spoke French. Or rather, screamed it unnecessarily loudly. 

‘Not this shit again,’ I complained. Why can’t that damn cook fuck anyone quietly? I feel like I’m being forced into spectating on his love life. 

Vivi buried her face into her pillow. ‘This isn’t helping,’ she moaned. 

‘I sometimes give them scores, like they do with divers at the Olympics. Out of six, for form, style and effort.’ 

Vivi burst out laughing. ‘You are the worst.’ 

‘You like it.’ 

‘I do,’ she said sincerely. We let our fingers graze each other as we lay side by side, listening to each other’s breathing and trying to ignore Nami and Sanji riding each other like they were in the Kentucky Derby. 

_‘ Sluta inte! Sluta inte!’_ I didn't even know what language Nami was screaming in now. 

‘Do you think it’s possible to fuck someone’s brains out? It would explain Sanji,’ I commented, and Vivi started giggling hysterically again. 

‘Don’t be mean. Sanji’s sweet.’ 

‘He’s probably imagined you naked,’ I countered, and I immediately felt bad for saying it when I saw her blush. 

‘Well, he’s better at hiding it than my dad,’ she said, and for a moment I thought she meant he’d imagined his own daughter naked. Then I remembered what she had said about him meeting Nami and Kaya. 

‘He makes Nami very happy. He’s kind and loyal. You two aren’t that different, you know.’ 

‘I am nothing like that pervy chef.’ I don’t cook, for starters. 

‘Okay.’ The tone of Vivi’s voice strongly suggested she was merely humouring me. 

She watched me intently as I started writing my diary entry. 

‘You keep a diary?’ she asked. 

‘I have to tell someone about the cute girl I’m sharing a bed with,’ I teased. ‘Seriously, it’s meant to help me manage my grief. I… You think I’ve been handling it badly here? This is nothing on how I was handling it back at our old training centre.’ 

‘You poor thing,’ she whispered. ‘Nobody should have to go through this, but especially not at your age.’ She propped herself up on her side with her arm, her fingers splayed through her hair. ‘At least start it right. Today’s entry has to start ‘I’m a big fat hero,’ okay?’ 

I laughed, but she frowned and hit me with a pillow. ‘I don’t see you writing it.’ 

So yeah. That’s why I started how I did. Today I got some answers, and a bunch more questions. And a cute girl in my bed. 

What will tomorrow bring me? 


	14. 25th September

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Almost two months after the kidnapping, is Zoro ready to end his diary and move on with his life? I hope so, as this is the last chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hover over for any translations.

25th September  
Mood: Doing better. Much better.  
Number of murderous thoughts: 5. 5 in almost two months. See, I’m improving.  
Number of murderous thoughts about Sanji: 3  
Number of murderous thoughts about Sanji and Nami when they’re in his bedroom: Daily, but I don’t think they should count.  
Number of upsetting dreams: 0  
Number of times I set Kuina free: 1

Okay, I think this is going to be my last entry. I’ve been pretty good the past couple of months, and I’m ready to put this diary to bed. I’ve also kind of got jet lag right now and really want to go to sleep, but don’t feel tired enough to do it.

The next morning when Vivi stayed with me was weird, if sharing a bed with her hadn’t been weird enough. We had definitely fallen asleep reasonably far apart from each other; I distinctly recall her turning her back on me when she said goodnight. When I awoke, I found myself wrapped around her slumbering figure. Trying to disentangle myself without waking her was like a game of _Daruma-san Ga Koronda_.

I lay on my side and watched her sleep, because apparently when I’m in the company of any woman, I will find the creepiest interaction and run with it. She looked so peaceful, and my t-shirt had slipped off her shoulder because it was so big on her tiny frame. I tucked her hair gently behind her ear, smelling the scent of her shampoo as I did. I carefully trailed my fingers along her bare arm, watching her shift and sigh in her sleep at my touch.

 _‘Watch it, Roronoa; she’s not me. You can’t just go touching her whenever you feel like it.’_ Kuina’s voice in my head was a warning. I pulled away, and just watched her slowly arise from her slumber.

She jumped a mile when she saw me. ‘Oh! Morning!’

‘Morning, sleepyhead.’ As I spoke to her, I realised how fucking scary it must have been to wake up and have this face leering back at you with no warning. 

‘Sorry, I wasn’t expecting you to be awake,’ she said, stifling a yawn.

‘Want some breakfast?’ I asked.

‘Hmm, that sounds good. I’m actually pretty hungry.’ She giggled. ‘A terrifying kidnapping can really make you work up an appetite, huh?’

I squeezed her hand. ‘You did everything right yesterday,’ I assured her. ‘The only kidnappers who are going to dare take you on are the really stupid ones. They should be easy.’

She looked downcast. ‘I’m just so sorry I put everyone in danger.’

‘Hey, it wasn’t your fault.’

‘Shut up, Vivi; you’re our friend!’ Luffy called out from the hall. Clearly he was awake and heard our conversation. He put his head around the door without invitation. ‘Friends don’t let friends stay kidnapped. Got it?’

Vivi saluted him. ‘Got it.’

‘Did you say you were making breakfast, Zoro?’ He was grinning like the Cheshire Cat. I almost - _almost_ \- retorted that I was making Vivi breakfast, then I heard that damn cook in my head murmuring something lame about women while exhaling plumes of smoke. No. I am a calm, collected man who does not have different codes of conduct based on someone’s sex. People are people, and don’t deserve special treatment on account of what’s between their legs.

‘I can help, Mr Bushido,’ Vivi offered, sitting up with my t-shirt slipping further off her shoulder and her left leg poking out from under the sheets.

‘You stay put; let me take care of you,’ I said, because she deserves special treatment on account of the trauma she went through yesterday. Not because she looks really cute tangled in my bedsheets.

I’m not exactly much of a cook, but I can feed myself. I shoved some rice in my rice cooker, and set about putting together some pickles and salad, and making some _tamagoyaki_ , which is kind of my speciality. I considered using my _natto_ , but I’m the only person I know who eats the stuff - including people I know back home. Even Luffy turned his nose up at it, and that guy will eat anything.

_‘Dude, why are you keeping Satan’s unwashed nutsack in our fridge?’_

Maybe I shouldn’t try to give that to Vivi. Although, the packets definitely get eaten quicker than I’m managing to eat them, so something’s going on there.

I was preparing three salad portions while keeping the _tamagoyaki_ warm in the rice cooker by the time Luffy and Vivi sat down at our small kitchen table.

‘Smells good,’ Luffy said happily.

‘Thank you, Mr Bushido,’ Vivi added. She hadn’t adjusted my t-shirt, but was resting her one foot on her chair as she hugged her leg to her body, letting her other leg dangle towards the floor. I only mention this because that’s why I noticed she was wearing a pair of my boxer shorts, and not because I was actively looking.

Luffy had already got up and was peering in the fridge. ‘Have you still got that gross stuff? We should make Vivi try it! Netto? Natto! Vivi, you have to try Natto! It smells so disgusting!’

When she tried it, I could see she was trying to be polite.

‘Told you, it’s gross,’ Luffy said, laughing.

‘Then why do you keep eating it?’ I demanded. Luffy simply shrugged.

‘In case I change my mind.’

‘It’s… If I hold my nose, it’s not so bad.’

‘You don’t have to eat it. Here, have some more eggs.’ I passed her the bowl to add to her dish.

Everyone seemed to enjoy my attempt at making breakfast. I’m sure that pervert cook upstairs would have a list of improvements as long as my arm, which is largely why I would never cook for him. Not that he would have cared at that point, as the screaming had started up yet again. Those two were fucking relentless. Vivi was avoiding my gaze again.

‘Are you two okay?’ Luffy asked. ‘I’m sure he’s not hurting her, or anything.’

‘I didn’t think that for a second,’ Vivi replied, a little too quickly. 

When she was in the shower, I noticed her phone received a message from Nami that simply said, _‘How much does it cost to insure a tongue?’_ alongside a winking face emoji.

* * *

I’d say life went on as normal after that whole incident, but that would be a lie. The story of the ‘Exotic Princess’ Failed Kidnap’ rumbled on in the international news for a while, and we were all frequently inundated with request for interviews. Luffy and Usopp continually had to be stopped from speaking to any press that came their way; Usopp because it fuelled his boastfulness, and Luffy because he didn’t seem to understand the concept that people wanted to make money from Vivi’s suffering. Sanji used to send the male reporters away crying, but they soon grew wise to his predilections and started sending their most attractive female reporters. This actually turned out okay, because Nami would send them away crying. I discovered the block function on my phone, and it got used daily. Vivi relented and started using her allocated bodyguards for us all until it died down. She sent all of them with me when I attended the year anniversary for Kuina at my old training centre, and I was grateful, because even I hadn’t expected them to swarm the event with their cameras and insensitive questioning.

‘You okay, brother?’ Johnny asked.

‘This is a nightmare,’ Yosaku said angrily. ‘Do they have no shame?’

We stood and paid our respects at the shrine; I had taken yellow chrysanthemums and a plethora of new tears. The three of us hugged during the ceremony, both as comfort and to hide me from the press. Vivi’s bodyguards were good, though; they couldn’t get close.

I spoke to Kuina alone, once everyone else had made their way to the nearest bar

‘You’ll always be with me, Kuina,’ I said into the wind. ‘I’ll keep you here forever,’ I tapped my heart. ‘But, I think I need to… keep going. I hate ‘let go,’ or ‘move on,’ makes it sound like you’re some kind of burden I’ve got to shake loose, and you’re not. You’re everything to me. But you’re not here anymore, and I am. I can’t die with you; if I could have, I’d have done it that day, right? Is… is that okay?’

I don’t know what I was expecting. The clouds to part and a rainbow to form? Lightning to strike me? Instead, a breeze rustled the sea of chrysanthemums surrounding her picture, and the light from the frame glinted briefly.

‘I love you,’ I whispered into the sky. ‘I’ll find you in the next life, and I promise I’ll have some stories for you. Stories, and that trophy.’ I hadn't forgotten my promise, and I never would.

With that, I left her shrine, only to run into another lone reporter.

‘Mr Roronoa? Pleasure to meet you. Do you have a moment to talk to me about Ms Neferteri’s kidnapping? I hear you were quite the hero. I appreciate you might be a bit distracted right now…’

‘Are you fucking serious? What the hell do you think I’m doing here, watercolours?’ Some fucking people.

‘Well… You have to admit, this is quite the story. The heroic swordsman, with the ghost in his heart.’ He chuckled. He actually had the God damn cheek to act as though this was an amusing anecdote.

I considered the consequences, and decided to draw Wado Ichimoji and take the most aggressive guard I could think of. ‘Do you know what else would make ‘quite the story?’ Why don’t we find out?’

I sheathed Wado Ichimonji and tripped him up with it as he ran, making him stumble into the nearby ornamental pond.

It’s what Kuina would have wanted.

* * *

Vivi phoned me on the journey back to ask me how it went.

‘Good, thanks. I mean, as good as it can. We went for drinks after and reminisced. I might be a little tipsy, so if I say anything dumb, blame the beer and not me.’ It was nice to have someone to talk to; Vivi’s dad had sent a limo to ferry me and the bodyguards about, and I felt a bit weird sitting in the car while they talked in codes and pointed at maps. 

‘Did you get much hassle?’ she asked tentatively.

‘Nah, your guys were good. I scared off one asshole, but that was about it. I practically saw his dick go hard when he spotted me in front of Kuina’s memorial.’

‘I’m so sorry. That’s awful,’ Vivi said quietly.

‘Stop. I know what you’re doing, and it’s not your fault, okay? You’re not responsible for every asshole out there.’ I’m not sure what made me more angry, the media intrusion, or Vivi’s guilt over the media intrusion.

She kept me company throughout the journey, and I started opening up to her a bit about Kuina. Nothing deep, just silly things I remembered about her. Stories, anecdotes; the kind of shit that hurt just to think about six months ago. It felt good to talk about her.

‘Sorry, is this weird?’ I asked. ‘After… you know.’ After we shared a bed and basically talked about our feelings all night.

‘It’s not weird,’ Vivi said. ‘She was a huge part of your life. I’d like to get to know both of you, if that’s okay.’

Felt okay to me.

That night, Luffy suggested moving Kuina and Ace’s shrines into the living room.

‘They can be friends,’ he said nonchalantly. ‘Plus, I think you should move her out of your room. That’s going to be hard to explain to any girls you bring home.’

I blushed at this, instantly thinking of Vivi. ‘I’m not planning on bringing any girls home!’

‘Liar.’ He fluttered his eyelashes and did a worryingly good impression of Vivi. ‘Oh, Mr Bushido! Kiss me, my hero!’

‘Never do that again,’ I insisted. I did not want that to be in my head when I took Vivi out… I mean, if I ever took Vivi out. Or asked her. Or she said yes - I know she’d pretty much spelled it out, but she might change her mind by the time I was ready. Basically, there were a lot of steps before this could become a problem. The fact I was considering it without feeling crippling guilt and shame was a good start.

 _‘Try not to embarrass yourself too much, idiot.’_ That felt like Kuina’s approval to me.

Once we had set up the two oddly contrasting shrines, we sat on the sofa and stared at them, toasting them with a beer from the fridge.

‘Do you think they’d like each other? I mean, if they met up there?’ Luffy asked.

‘Dunno. What was he like?’

‘Polite. Impulsive. Strong. Protective. A bit of an idiot. What about her?’

‘Kind of the same. Except for the polite part. And she was smarter than me,’ I replied, with a smile. 

‘I think he’d like her,’ Luffy said firmly. ‘He’d think she was pretty.’

‘If he said that to her, she’d punch him.’

‘Then he’d definitely like her.’ He squinted at them. ‘What do you think? Would she think he was cute?’

‘Are you matchmaking your dead brother and my dead fiance?’

‘Guess I am.’

For some reason, I gave it some serious thought. He was a handsome guy, with Luffy’s jet black hair and a smattering of freckles that Luffy clearly missed out on, but he didn’t appear to put any effort into it. He had a nice smile, and he looked kind. She valued kindness.

‘I think she might,’ I replied finally. ‘But she might be a guy, so I don’t know how that would work out.’ I still don’t know what it would have done to our romantic relationship if that were the case. I knew with certainty I would have stood by her no matter what, and I was content with that.

‘Don’t think it matters,’ Luffy said. ‘I always thought he might be a bit gay. We had a friend, and they were kind of intense.’ He got up, and pushed their pictures closer together.

‘Maybe it’ll help them meet,’ he said as he sat down, and I had to admit I kind of liked that idea.

* * *

I ended up quitting the coffee shop in the end; an opportunity came up at the dojo I was training at for an instructor role, so I took the relevant exams and passed. I’m officially a fourth Dan Kendo and Iaidō instructor, and I take a variety of kids, adults and one-on-one classes part time. Even better, the horrendous coverage we got caught the attention of this amazing swordsman. He offered to take me as a student; he even moved to the area so he could teach me. He’s a weird guy, Dracule Mihawk, but he knows his stuff. Trained all over the world. I’m already making preparations to take my fifth Dan on my birthday. I know that’s not everyone’s idea of fun, but it makes me feel connected to the world again.

Speaking of fun and connecting to the world, we got an invitation to spend a week with Vivi and her father in their home. There was even a private jet to pick us up! I could get used to that, but I’d better not.

 _‘Inviting you as guests into my home is the least I can do for taking such good care of my daughter,’_ he had said in the invitation. What he didn’t mention is that by ‘home’ he meant ‘actual fucking palace’.

‘Oh my God, this place is amazing!’ Nami squealed, her arm linked with Vivi’s as she showed us around. 

‘I feel a bit weird living here,’ Vivi admitted. ‘Dad’s thinking of moving us out and making it the official parliamentary residence; the high ranking advisors already live in the one wing, so if someone else is voted in at the next elections, I think he’ll do it.’

‘He can’t! This place is gorgeous!’ Nami sighed. ‘You might feel weird about it, but I say bring it on. You have a pool! And a bathhouse! You have rooms I don’t even know what you do in them!’

‘I could think of a few things, _ma caille_.’ Sanji leant over and murmured in her ear. Nami punched him on the arm.

‘Stop it,’ she hissed, though she was blushing.

‘Do your worst, _mon biquet_ , my heart is already fatally wounded - _Je suis accro à toi, je suis fou amoureux de vous!_ ’ He laughed and kissed her tenderly on the cheek.

‘You’re an idiot,’ she said, but her eyes shined in that way that made it painfully obvious she didn’t meant it.

Where’s the kitchen?’ Luffy asked, ‘I’m hungry.’

‘How can you be thinking about food?’ Kaya asked. ‘We’re in an actual palace.’

‘An actual palace with a kitchen and cooks?’ Luffy wondered aloud.

‘Of course,’ Vivi said with a smile. ‘They’re preparing dinner as we speak.’

Luffy fist pumped with no shame. Sanji’s interest had also picked up further.

‘Traditional cuisine, Vivi?’

‘That’s what we usually do with foreign guests and dignitaries,’ Vivi replied. ‘Honestly? Dad’s going all out for you guys, so I hope you’ve made room.’

‘I’ll get bigger pants,’ Luffy said, his tone deadly serious.

* * *

Dinner was an interesting affair. There was copious amounts of food, the kind of things I’d never eaten before. Everything was very colourful, and all the dishes were spicy in some way. The stews had fruit in them, there was meat stuffed with nuts and wrapped in pastry, eggs poached in spicy tomato sauces… Sanji was desperate to grill their chef on everything.

‘This has rose and cinnamon in it, and a hint of lavender, I think - _Ras el Hanout?_ I really need to learn how to cook with it more with it, the floral notes work so well in this dish!’

‘I’ll see if Terracotta will talk shop with you, but I warn you, she’s fiercely protective of her recipes. You might have to give up an arm,’ Cobra said with a wink.

Cobra Neferteri - that’s Vivi’s dad - was an imposing man with a perfectly trimmed beard and a calm presence. He knew exactly how to make us all feel as though we’d known him for years, and treated his staff with utmost dignity. I still found it a bit weird being waited on hand and foot, but he was always complimenting everyone and he knew the names of every person that came by to fill up a glass or take away an empty platter.

‘A chef values his hands as much as his beating heart,’ Sanji replied nonchalantly. ‘But I’m sure we can come to an arrangement. I will happily kneel at the altar of her expertise.’

‘Sanji.’ Nami’s voice had a warning tone to it.

Luffy was stuffing his face. ‘This is amazing!’ he said happily, making a serious dent into the feast by himself.

Usopp was also taking his fill. ‘This is so good,’ he exclaimed. ‘I haven’t eaten this well since Galipettes.’

‘Thank you so much for inviting us into your lovely home,’ Kaya said, showing herself to easily be the most well-mannered of us all.

‘It’s my honour, Kaya,’ Cobra said sincerely. ‘I cannot thank you enough for everything you’ve done for Vivi.’

‘Whatever, she’s our friend,’ Luffy said, and I saw Usopp smack him hard on her arm.

‘Dude, he’s a king! Be polite!’ he hissed.

Cobra laughed. ‘Technically, I’m the president now. And your words please me, Luffy. I wish nothing more than for my daughter to have such good, loyal friends.’ He smiled. ‘Well, that and a suitable husband.’

‘Dad,’ Vivi sounded both mortified and amused. I got the sense this was a long running joke. ‘I’m not about to get married. I have things to do first. A lot of things. Things that might take me to retirement age.’

‘Your mother was a lawyer when we wed, and stayed one until she had you,’ he countered, before looking around the table at all of the guys. ‘What do you say, gentlemen? Eighty camels and a pound of saffron?’ He winked at Vivi, who had her head in her hands.

‘Dad, stop. You’re not funny,’ she insisted.

‘Perhaps this makes me guilty of treason, but that is a poor price for such an enchanting young lady,’ Sanji replied smoothly. ‘Nothing less than their gift wrapped heart and soul ought to satisfy you, only I’m sure she’s already stolen those away.’

Cobra looked at him appraisingly. ‘I’ll have to keep an eye on you,’ he said with a smile.

‘You’re not the first father to tell me that,’ Sanji quipped, only for Luffy and Usopp to say basically the same thing in slightly different ways simultaneously.

‘Luckily for you, I’m keeping my eyes on him, Mr Neferteri,’ Nami replied, pinching Sanji’s sides playfully.

‘Please, Nami - call me Cobra,’ he insisted. ‘And if I were him, I’d be keeping my eyes on you. I wouldn’t be able to look away.’

‘Dad…’ Vivi’s warning tone came back again.

‘Are you sure you both aren’t related?’ Usopp queried.

‘He is adopted,’ Luffy commented. ‘So it’s not impossible. Prince Sanji has a bit of a ring to it!’ He started laughing, and Sanji looked strangely uncomfortable.

I exchanged glances with a red-faced Vivi, and offered her a sympathetic smile. When I went back to my meal, I realised Cobra was looking at us both, but he said nothing.

I learned something else interesting, as well. Apparently the creepy gang Tashigi was worried the Navy would stop from bringing to justice? Not a problem.

‘I couldn’t believe it,’ Cobra said. ‘We were gearing up for all these protracted talks to get justice for Vivi - I understand the military’s position on chasing bigger criminals, but these rogues were high up enough that they would have been a coup. Yet the Navy intervened and they’re facing the full might of international law. I can’t say I understand, but I am grateful.’

Sanji suddenly started choking on his food slightly. When Nami patted him on the back, I noticed he wasn’t red from all the coughing. She smiled at him in an adoring way I didn’t understand. 

After dinner, we sat in one of their lounges with mint tea and some sort of pipe. Cobra and Sanji smoked comfortably, while Usopp tried and it made his eyes water.

Luffy laughed at him. ‘Here, let me try!’ He was soon coughing up a fit. ‘That’s gross!’

Nobody had mentioned booze, which I was kind of hoping for after such a big meal. I also knew that wasn’t a done thing here, so I was both surprised and pleased when Cobra brought out some whiskey he’d been given by some world leader as an ill-advised diplomacy gift.

‘It’s good stuff,’ he insisted as he poured us all a small glass. Kaya and Luffy were not fans, but everyone else seemed to like it. Well, almost everyone.

Vivi coughed as she swallowed. ‘It’s a bit like sandpaper,’ she said with a grimace.

‘It’s good. Burns away the roughness,’ I replied.

‘Well you’re welcome to mine,’ she said, pouring the remaining contents of her glass into mine. Her knees bumped into mine as she moved closer to avoid spilling the drink.

‘Trying to get me drunk, Vivi?’ I teased.

‘A distillery couldn’t get you drunk, Mr Bushido,’ she teased back. I poured her some tea instead; I nearly spilled it as our eyes met and I forgot to pay attention to the glass I was filling.

‘Thanks,’ she said quietly, her fingers brushing against mine as she took the glass from my hand. I felt Cobra’s eyes bore into my back, though he did a good job of faking nonchalance when I looked back. 

Luffy got everyone playing music and dancing; he’s an enthusiastic dancer who is astonishingly flexible but not very rhythmic. It didn’t take long for Usopp to be his accomplice, and he was only slightly less terrible. Sanji refused to dance without a partner, so he and Nami looked good solely because they were attuned to each other’s movements.

‘Care to dance, Mr Bushido?’ Vivi asked shyly and I felt myself burn up. I do not, and cannot, dance. Even the lure of getting so close to Vivi wasn’t enough to change my mind.

‘I’m not much of a dancer,’ I replied. ‘Never enjoyed it.’

‘Vivi! Dance with me!’ Luffy dragged her bodily onto their makeshift dance floor and pressed her right up against his hips, his hand supporting her waist. I have never seen anything so blatantly sexual and utterly sexless at the same time. They clearly had no romantic interest in each other, but they could only have got their bodies touching more by getting naked. 

‘They seem to be having fun.’ Cobra sat next to me and offered me more whiskey. I’m starting to think I’m getting a reputation. Didn’t stop me accepting, though.

‘Seems so.’

‘It’s good to see her smile. She’s really come out of her shell since moving abroad for college,’ he said, clearly thinking the same thing about the dancing couple as I had; there’s no way he’d be so calm about how Luffy was manhandling his only daughter otherwise. ‘How do you find it? I think you all moved over from other countries, correct?’

‘Not sure about Kaya, but yeah, at different ages. I’ve been here on and off since I was fifteen, for competitions and tournaments. It’s okay. I get a bit homesick now and then, but things are looking up.’ I started telling him about my new training, and he seemed interested.

‘So, you’ve got yourself settled? Sounds very disciplined.’

‘Yeah, there’s a lot of meditation and stance practice involved. I spent a year just learning how to cut when I was seven.’

I heard Vivi squeal, only to see that Luffy had thrown her onto his shoulders in a manner I would have thought you should avoid doing in front of her father. He looked up, but didn’t seem to react much.

‘Hmm.’ He looked at his glass briefly. ‘Vivi mentioned that your fiance passed away last year. I’m sorry for your loss.’ He sounded so sincere, I didn’t get the usual bristle of irritation that I usually had to squash down.

‘Thanks. It’s been hard.’ I laughed in spite of the subject. ‘Really hard.’

He smiled kindly. ‘I understand. When my wife died, I struggled to function the first few months. Vivi was only young, and I felt as though I was failing not just as a husband, but as a father. It got better - I know everyone says that, but they say it because it’s true. I’ve never stopped loving her, but I’ve felt ready to… I hate saying ‘move on,’ to describe this...’

‘They’re not a burden,’ I commented, and he nodded in understanding.

‘Exactly. I don’t regret a single moment. I don’t want to move on, I want to carry on.’ He sighed. 

‘So, is there anyone you’re seeing?’ It should have been a really rude question, but it didn’t feel like it.

He shook his head sadly. ‘Not for lack of trying. I’m just busy, and with my age and position, it’s honestly hard to find someone genuine. If it happens, it happens.’ He smiled at me. ‘That, of course, allows me to put the same question to you.’

I was pretty stunned he asked. ‘Not yet. It’s been thirteen months. I… I’m not sure I’m ready yet.’ I looked up at his wise, old face. ‘When do you know?’

He sipped at his whisky. ‘You’ll just know. I don’t think there’s a set time. Just open yourself up to the universe and see where it takes you.’ He looked out across the makeshift dance floor, and watched intently as Vivi swapped partners and started dancing with Sanji. He was far less into her personal space than Luffy had been, yet Cobra seemed more concerned.

‘Relax. I think Nami would murder him first,’ I assured him. 

‘He reminds me of me at that age,’ he said. He didn’t mention whether this was a good or bad thing, but I got the impression it was a bit of both. 

‘I’m protective of Vivi,’ he said to me. ‘She’s my only child, and I don’t want to see her hurt. She fights me every step of the way on that, and she’s probably right; there’s no greater teacher than life experience. Still, as a father, I want to shield her from any unnecessary pain.’ He looked at me when he said that, and I wondered what exactly he knew about me. He patted my knee, which seemed a very odd thing to do. ‘When you open yourself up to the universe; be ready,’ he said solemnly.

‘I will be,’ I assured him.

‘And if you’re trying to keep your interest in my daughter a secret, you’re doing a terrible job,’ he said, with a grin. I nearly choked on my drink.

* * *

We were all sharing en suite bedrooms in a guest complex, the guys in one room, the girls in another. Guess that was one way of dealing with the ‘do we let couples share a bed together’ issue. They were huge rooms; easily twice the size of our whole apartment. Luffy had already called dibs on the bed nearest the balcony, and was threatening to fart in Usopp’s face when he tried to stake his own claim.

Sanji showed up later than the rest of us; apparently he had gained favour with the Neferteri’s cook, and had got some recipes tips and some spices.

‘When I come up with something good for the restaurant, I’ll name it after her,’ he said, before wandering off to the balcony for yet another smoke. 

I left the room to grab some water from the kitchen - yes, we had a whole kitchen, living room and even a small garden in this guest area - and bumped into Vivi.

‘Guess we had the same idea,’ she said with a smile, as she poured me a glass of water.

‘Don’t want to risk a hangover tomorrow.’ I had finished two bottles of whisky with Vivi’s dad.

‘Want to go outside?’ she asked. I saw no reason why not. 

The garden area was fairly open plan, but there was a nook with one of those swing seats - I think they call them love seats, but I’m not sure. We both looked at it, but stood nearby instead sipping our water quietly.

‘The stars are nice,’ she commented eventually. ‘I miss this; you can’t really see them in the city.’

I had to agree. We had some dim illumination from our bedrooms upstairs, and the odd lantern, but the rest of it was pitch black.

‘Do you know any of the constellations?’ she asked.

‘Sure.’ I pointed at a collection of stars. ‘That’s the Angry Elephant, those ones over there are the Mid Priced Motel...’

She smiled. ‘Why do I get the impression you don’t know what you’re talking about?’

‘Years of practice,’ I quipped.

It was cold outside, and a breeze fluttered through the leaves, making her shiver. I gave her my jacket, accidentally brushing her bare shoulder with my hand as I put it around her. We both went very still as we made eye contact, and it definitely felt like a moment where we should kiss, except we didn’t. Instead, we carried on drinking our water and making small talk.

‘Nami, _ma belle_ , kiss me goodnight! See me through the cold night without your loving embrace!’ 

‘Stop being an idiot! You’ll fall!’ Nami sounded quite anxious. I could hear Kaya laughing.

‘He’ll be fine, Nami. He’s only one floor up. At most, he’ll break a leg. I could do with the practice,’ she said excitedly.

I looked up, and saw Sanji sitting on the edge of the balcony, leaning forward. ‘Then give me a kiss, and I’ll climb back down satisfied.’

‘Usopp! Push him!’ Luffy was laughing.

‘You push him!’ Usopp did not seem keen on the idea.

‘I’m not leaning out over there!’ Nami was standing on the balcony of the girls’ room, her arms folded.

‘Then I’ll just have to come to you,’ Sanji announced, jumping back onto his balcony and taking a running jump to cross onto theirs. Nami squealed, but he managed it comfortably.

‘There’s a connecting door down the corridor,’ Vivi mused.

‘He just likes the drama,’ I replied, as we saw Sanji grab Nami for a goodnight kiss.

Vivi twitched nervously as another thud landed above us, which was Sanji returning to the boys’ balcony.

‘You know there’s a connecting door down the corridor, Sanji.’ Usopp sounded far more irritated than Vivi did by this.

‘A man should show a lady that nothing will come between his love for her, not even a ten foot fall,’ he replied unapologetically, before leaning over the balcony.

‘Oi, Vivi. Has he asked you out yet?’ 

‘Sanji!’ Vivi was blushing hard. So was I.

‘What’s it to you, pervert cook?’

‘Hey, I’m not the one who’s been undressing her with my eyes all night long.’ Fuck, he was the worst! I instantly started to sweat - no wonder her dad came over and talked to me. I didn’t realise I had been quite so… intense.

I wasn’t sure it was possible for Vivi to turn more red.

‘Fuck off,’ I shouted back at the balcony.

‘What? Has he not asked you out yet?’ Luffy poked his head over the balcony frame. ‘He says your name in his sleep all the time!’

Now it was my turn to go redder than I’d ever gone before. I’m not certain I’d been asleep all those times.

‘She’s really into wildlife, why don’t you go to the woods?’ Kaya was offering suggestions now.

‘That’s a bit of a rapey first date scenario.’ Nami clearly didn’t think it was a good one.

‘I took you on a picnic for our first proper date,’ Sanji shouted across the balcony.

‘At the park. If you’d suggested the woods, I’d have said no.’

‘What about the museum?’ Luffy suggested. ‘They’ve got all those birds there.’

‘Those birds are dead and stuffed, Luffy,’ Usopp retorted. ‘Not exactly the wildlife we’re talking about here.’

‘Oh my God, will you all stop it!’ Vivi yelled back. ‘You’re worse than my dad!’

‘We’re just trying to help him out,’ Sanji said. ‘He needs our guidance!’

‘Like hell I do,’ I spat back. ‘You heard the princess, fuck off.’

‘Yeah, I can have your head,’ she joked.

‘Alright, fun’s over, come on.’ Usopp started cajoling everyone into leaving the balcony - and leaving us in peace.

‘Open air cinema,’ Sanji mock whispered over the balcony before going back to the bedroom and shutting the door.

Once everyone had gone, Vivi started laughing into the sleeve of my jacket.

‘They’re terrible,’ she said.

‘I know. Lousy friends,’ I replied.

‘The worst.’

We stood awkwardly, and much too close together. I started rubbing the back of my neck to distract from my discomfort.

‘I’ve… I’ve never actually gone on a date,’ I confessed.

Vivi looked astounded. ‘But, you were engaged!’

‘Yeah, but we never dated. It just kind of happened. I’m just saying, if I were to ask you out, I wouldn’t really know how to go about it.’ I couldn’t look her in the eye when I said this; I felt so dumb.

She cupped my face gently with her hand. ‘I’ve never been on a date, so I wouldn’t know if you were going about it wrong,’ she said. ‘But… the open air cinema sounds nice. They set it up in the park, and give you cushions and blankets.’

‘Okay, that sounds like something I can work with.’

‘So,’ she looked at me expectantly, ‘are you asking me out on a date?’

‘I guess I am,’ I replied. I wondered if this was the point where I should try and kiss her? Or should I wait until after we’ve gone on the date? Perhaps now would be too presumptuous?

I didn’t have to think about it for too long, because Vivi stood on her tiptoes and kissed me chastely on the lips, resting her hands against my chest. That was a new experience for me. I’d never been kissed like that before, and it surprised me how good it felt.

‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to -’ I silenced her apology with a kiss, one I hoped said, ‘Don’t care, just don’t stop.’ She responded in kind, and soon we were pressed up against the wall, her tongue tentatively exploring my mouth. She was nervous, so was I, and I think it heightened everything. I undid her hair tie and slid my fingers into her soft hair, caressing the nape of her neck. She made a noise against me, a good noise, so I carried on, kissing her harder. I felt her touch my chest, my back, my arms. She wanted me, really wanted me, and the purity of it was novel. I got so caught up in the feel of her, the taste of her, the scent of her skin. A whole damn army could have walked in on us in that moment and I wouldn’t have cared.

‘Told you he liked you.’ Cobra’s voice called out over the bushes and okay, so I did care about that.

‘Dad!’ Vivi placed her head against my chest in despair. ‘I swear he does this on purpose!’

I held her against me. She stayed their happily. This was… this was new.

When I got back to our room, everyone was obviously pretending to be asleep. I could hear squealing and giggling next door, so the girls were clearly waiting to dissect every aspect of our courtyard discussion.

I simply got changed and got into bed. As I clambered in, I felt something hit my head. It was a screwed up piece of paper. I opened it up, and it read:

‘You asked her, you pay. Get the love seats, you can snuggle up better. Pick a scary movie - trust me on this.’

‘Didn’t I tell you to butt out?’ I said into the dark.

‘Whatever. I know you’ll do it,’ Sanji’s voice shot back.

So here I am, writing my last entry, about to book tickets on my first ever date. I don’t know how it’s going to go. 

I’m just going to open myself up to the universe, and see what happens.


End file.
